Sadness feels worse

Losing a parent
1

Hi,

It’s been three months since I lost my dad. I am keeping busy but nothing stops the pain and sadness. I wake up sad and go to sleep sad and despite filling my day and keeping busy the pain persists. If anything it feels like it is getting worse not any easier. I am finding it more and more distressing not being able to speak to him. Does anyone know if this is normal?

I feel panic at the thought of never seeing or speaking to my dad again and trying to stay in the moment just doesn’t feel possible. I feel like I have no control over my mind or emotions and all I am facing is the prospect of years of pain.

I normally look forward to Spring and the lighter nights but all I feel is dread. Everywhere I look is a memory of my dad and what I’ve lost. I am struggling to come to terms with losing my dad and life as it was. I miss him so much. :sob:

I wonder if I have made this worse for myself by being so close to my parents.

I feel like running away.

I am sorry to anyone else who is suffering a loss.
Xx

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Katherine
I know how you feel and it’s the mornings and nights to that I feel that way to. It was my mum I lost suddenly and she was always there and the usual routine that she and I had are now gone.
I don’t know either when this feeling is going to be less painful and just taking each day as it comes. This is a process for us and it will take as long as it takes for us to come to terms with what has happened.
Keep talking about him. I have friends who have lost their mums and they have been great supporting me as they have been where I am and I don’t have to pretend about how I am feeling.
Take care
Valda xx

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Hi Valda,

Thanks for your reply. I’m sorry you are going through this too.

I like talking about my dad, I think that is part of what makes it feel worse that no one really asks so I don’t feel able to just talk about him. I worry that I’m going to forget my dad and what he sounds and looks like.

The thought of the future is very daunting. I need to try and find some techniques to stay in the moment or day.

Xx

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Katherine
I have videos of my mum just short ones that may be a minute or two long that I have been watching and it’s times where she was laughing or chatting but watching them brings me comfort.
Do a wee memory folder on your phone of pictures and videos and use them to remind you of who he was. It may sound weird but I also watch her funeral video as its a reminder of her life.
Take care and you will never forget him. :sparkling_heart:
Valda xx

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Hi Katherine, I was close to my parents - both sadly gone - and have wondered if the grief would be less if I hadn’t been so close, but I believe in the end I don’t regret being close to them.

I get panicked too when I think about not seeing my parents again, how I will cope without their love and support, it is such a profound change to adjust to and one that takes time I suppose.

I hope in time you feel better, Mike

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Hi Valda,

Thank you. I will do this.

I have some audio recordings of my dad that I listen to when I worry that I’m forgetting his voice, although they make me sad.

I love him so much.
Xx

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Hi Mike,

Thank you for your reply.

I know deep down I wouldn’t change how close I am to my parents. Losing dad just doesn’t seem real, I never knew pain like this existed.

Hoping in time the loss becomes less painful.

Take care.
Xx

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Katherine,
It is sad as we know that we are no longer fortunate enough to be able to hear their voices/laughter in person but hopefully it will eventually be a comfort.

I used to say mum you don’t have to leave a voicemail every time I miss your call, would love to hear one saying Hi hen it’s just me and her long story why she was phoning back or had missed my call. :cry::sparkling_heart:
Sending you hugs
Valda xx

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