Hi, it’s been 5 weeks and 5 days for me now. Still very early I know. I am struggling to get through the days without my other half, my soul mate.
Michael died suddenly and unexpectedly on the 21st December 2025. It was totally unexpected, in fact he had cooked us a lovely meal which we had eaten and just sat down to watch a film.
I knew there was something wrong when I looked at him. I phoned 999 and did CPR until someone arrived then continued with chest compressions until back up arrived. Two doctors and three paramedics worked on him for almost an hour . I was told that they couldn’t resuscitate him and his brain would have been starved of oxygen so they stopped resuscitation and he died. It is the most terrifying place I have ever been to. I am struggling to come to terms with what has happened.
My family and I had a period of time over Christmas and new year where we were just left in limbo awaiting the Coroner to get involved. After two weeks his cause of death was established, as I already suspected it was his heart. We then had two more weeks organising his funeral, which was last Wednesday. Today, I brought his ashes home .
I feel so lost, and at 65 years old I feel I have lost my identity. We where each other’s best friend, confidant and love of each others lives. I don’t know how to be without him? We filled each other’s every moment and now, even around other people and family I feel so alone. I can feel others inability and uncomfortableness to know what to say or how to act around me and that makes me feel lonelier than ever.
I find that I am seeking to spend time alone because that is better than feeling like my pain is causing others to feel uneasy and uncomfortable.
I have lost who I am . My whole sense of self was so intertwined with Michael and I’m not sure how to try (at least) to be present for everyone else. I don’t really have any close friends, people are good, say they are there for you and if there’s anything they can do but I’ve found that just a few weeks down the road most people have already disappeared.
I just feel so sad and lost all of the time. The days are so long and miserable (maybe the time of year doesn’t help?).
Is there anyone out there with any tips or suggestions for getting through this awful period please? I want to try to be positive and proactive in navigating my way through this world I am not familiar with. I have lost both of my parents, my beautiful cousin who was more like a sister to me and numerous friends over the years so I am no stranger to grief but this feels like a whole new level .
I am so sorry for your loss I also listen to my husband suddenly as well last September 2025 . I was staying in a holiday cottage at the time the lady who owed the cottage was wonderful. Her son did cpr on my husband till the pandemics arrived. I had terrible flashbacks, it’s only recently they have stopped. The advice I can give you is take everything slowly. The lost and lonely feeling and feeling numb and knots in your stomach are normal in grief.its a really horrible journey we are on .
So sorry for your loss. The sad and lost feeling is overwhelming. We have my Husbands funeral on Monday ,I still cant believe it,keep thinking its a mistake or I will wake up from this nightmare. I read somewhere the lost feeling is because youre not the centre of someones world any more. It sounds selfish at first but it feels right. My special person who was there for me and me for him ,has gone. I love my family but they have their own special person and have to return to their lives.
I am sad for your loss also. So much sadness in our lives and hearts. In my personal world, I am the woman on the street who’s lost her husband. But here I feel connected to other people who understand so thank you for being there and understanding
I am so sorry for your pain and loss. I also keep experiencing flashbacks. From first understanding that something was wrong, through being talked through giving CPR and just being on overdrive to do it well and at the same time being an absolute quivering wreck to handing over to the qualified people and taking myself out of their way, we don’t have a big house and there where six people in the living room. I just sat on the stairs and prayed.
I visited my doctor on Wednesday, he said you might have a “ little bit “ of PTSD. He has referred me for some counselling. There’s a waiting list but at least it’s something .
Lily1234 I am so sorry for your loss and what you are going through, my advice would be try to find bereavement meetings and attend regularly it will be hard and there will be tears but you be others that understand and care. Other than that just be kind to yourself and keep posting on here it still helps me after 8 months.
I am nearly 10 months without my wonderful partner and I hate every minute of this journey. Kev was 63 and died suddenly as a passenger in my car , no warning just chatting away and gone , I too had to do cpr until ambulance arrived and paramedics worked for 40 minutes . I just keep going everyday and luckily I do work which is a focus but everyday is so hard as everyone on this forum knows . Weekends are horrible as you know that everyone has their own lives and as we all know as time goes by you are less in peoples thoughts . Take care all .
Widowed last year. I have come to not embrace the term Loss because our spouses were active and engaged with life and nobody Lost from them being here. Sometimes people say Pass… I like to think of it as an opera and it’s streaming into the street bewildered in the rain and marvelling at what happened, and always smiling “I was there!” Nobody gets lost. Peace to you.
Bless you from the depths of my heart a lot of what you wrote mirrors my own experiences losing my partner of 20 yrs nearly 4 years ago….theres no timescale for when we can recover enough to think about living again its a painful journey but i hope you manage to find peace and the strength to endure
A few suggestions which I hope may be of practical use - nothing will ‘help’ and I’m so sorry for the death of your beloved.
The one thing that does ease things just a v little bit for me is a walk in green places - my very wise godmother also suggested that on each walk I look for something beautiful- a pebble, a feather an acorn etc and take it home with me . It gives the walk a purpose and takes me out of myself.
I find with friends sometimes they need to be specially asked for something as otherwise they hold back not wanting to intrude. I ask for things that make my life easier as I get so tired so eg a lift in a car somewhere.
I too was the centre of someone else’s world and vice versea and it is very lonely. I’m trying (slowly and using online to take it gently) to broaden my outlook by joining eg online talks to try and ‘get out more’ ish. Too early to know if it helps for me, but may be worth a go at least as a bit of distraction. Be kind to yourself- pamper yourself and take it slowly. You may need some help to unload what you went through the night he died but that is something to consider in due course- there is no rush. One day at a time is a cliche because it is true I have found. Hugs.
Walking in green spaces is such a good idea . I walk every day with my dog it’s definitely helped me . It’s got me out the house and I have got to know some people just by walking my dog
You are still very early in your grief. I was still numb at the 5-6 weeks stage, even at the funeral. I’m 4 months down now and the reality is really kicking in. I really don’t know how I can face the future without him. The house is so empty and silent. I wish I could still feel he was still here but I don’t. I’m angry he was taken at age 66. He was a good person. I have family who support me but they have their own lives and I don’t want to appear too needy. I’ve found that friends aren’t keeping in contact as much now. I think my sadness makes them feel awkward, however I refuse to say I’m ok when I’m not. They say one day at a time and be kind to yourself.
I,m sorry you are going through such pain. I agree with with Tryingtokeepgoing as in walking does help even in such bad weather. I’ve been going out many times a day to keep sane and though it isn’t a cure it is better than being indoors. My wife died on Christmas day and I am struggling with it as we were best friends and had little need for others. Now the isolation makes things very difficult and a weekly phone call from my sister feels like the only time I speak to anyone. Stay strong and try walking.
To lose anybody at any time is tough ,but to lose someone on Christmas Day is so much harder. My mum died on Christmas Day 1999 . Although it was a long time ago my Christmas after that . Weren’t good until my grandchildren started to arrive. More recently I have lost many family members. The latest being my husband who died suddenly September 2025. I found the walking helps me and also swimming. The loneliness is horrible, take everything slowly and be kind to yourself
It’s a lonely world we now exist in, nearly through another weekend. I have been waiting for my step son to call in to see me on his way home from his holiday home, I have just received a message to say he will be delayed because he is gardening. It would make me smile if it was not so heartbreaking, anothers case of people not understanding our situation and how vulnerable we are, I now see it many times with family and so called friends.
Yes i know exactly what you mean , people jump back to their life’s and expect us to do the same . They haven’t got a clue how we feel and how lonely we are .
At risk of being sexist - and I know this doesn’t apply to all men - but I have found that unless I expressly tell my male friends/relatives that something is important to me, whether a visit or talking about something, they simply don’t get it. If I explain that X really matters to me so would they mind doing/not doing it then they have no problem. In an ideal world they would ’get’ it without being told, but they don’t and that just says to me people are different.
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