I have posted before. My wife, Rose passed away in August. We used to look forward to Saturdays, we both loved the football and other sports. She enjoyed tennis and lots more sports than ne. I find I don’t like Saturdays any more because it is the day she slipped away. Every Saturday reminds me.
Hi @Malc39200, I couldn’t agree more with you on that score. Losing your wife on a day that you both used to enjoy so much must leave such a painful scar. I’ve developed my own dislike of Saturdays for slightly different reasons. Although I haven’t worked for several years, Saturdays (and Sundays) always had a different “feel” to them compared to Mondays through Fridays. I too used to look forward to Saturdays, the end of another week, have an easy-ish day, an evening meal with my wife with some wine in the dining room, then watch a film together later. Now every day is just the same as every other - long, lonely and depressing. Sundays I find are even worse, if that’s at all possible. I don’t know what to suggest to help you, I’m still muddling by myself, but hopefully some of the compassionate contributors may be able to help.
I agree with everything you say. Also about Sundays. Each day feels the same and weekends worse. Maybe it will pass with time, I don’t know. Thanks for responding. Sorry for your loss too.
I lost my husband the early hours of Saturday morning, I was on my own and never thought I would get through a Saturday again. My way of coping was to make sure I went out and did something that I liked doing. Hard at first but it did become easier. My natural choice was a long walk with the dogs with a packed snack and biscuits for the dogs as this was something that Brian and I enjoyed doing. Each week I planned a walk in a different area and although I have a car I go out on a bus and do some bus hopping. The dogs love it. I am fortunate to live where there is a good choice of walks but you don’t have to go walking, just find something to do that will take your mind off the day. Nearly two years on and I can cope with the weekends now.
Good luck to you
It is Saturday 31st October. We used to be together most of the time on Saturdays, it was a chilling out day. We would watch or listen to some sport, then Rose would maybe watch Strictly Dancing while I listened to music or read, then we would reconvene to watch a film. Then a radio play to get us off to sleep. I try to keep to a similar routine since she passed mid August. It’s 10pm and I just thought of her and burst into tears. The nights are dark and cold and no, it isn’t getting easier for me. Tomorrow I ll go and visit shops, just for fresh air, essentials and to do something useful. I feel like half of me died with her in intensive care. The fact that the world is in a sorry state is making things worse. I feel I have no future. Everyone says “one day at a time” and I do try, but here, alone, my mind just keeps turning over and thinking of her. Many happy times but I can only see her gone.
A few words you wrote made me want to reply to you. “It isn’t getting easier for me”.
It has been a very short time for you since you lost your wife and it is still so very raw. Grief isn’t merciful and won’t just leave us like that but how we deal with it is up to the individual so there is no right or wrong or time scale.
I am nearly two years along this road and I still cry, it sometimes happens just when we least expect it. However now I don’t fight my feelings, I accept what is now my life. I agree with you that half of us does die with them, we are shattered into pieces and must take time to rebuild ourselves. Don’t look for a future just yet, concentrate on coping with each day or even hour. Tiny steps at first.
You are still trying to keep the life that you shared which is good. I have done the same… Yes, please do go out and get fresh air and find something to do no matter how hard it might be. Don’t expect anything of yourself just yet and when you are ready it will become a little easier. If you have a bad day then remind yourself that the next day might be a bit better and sure enough those better coping moments do start to return. Why shouldn’t you think about Rose. Memories can be painful at the moment but eventually they will become memories of a happy life you spent together. So be kind and take care of yourself Malc.
Pat, thank you and so sorry for your loss. What you said makes perfect sense. Rose always used to say to me that I was too hard on myself. Thank you again.