My mum died just over a year ago, and now I’m beyond the first year I worry that if my grief changes over time will I miss my mum less in any way? I also feel that my grief has just become part of who I am now, part of my identity, so it scares me right now to think of my grief - as painful as it can be at times - changing. Has anyone else felt like that at any time in their grief journey? Mike
Hello @Mikeville_70 ,
I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.
You may also find the below article helpful.
How long does grief last? Talks through the timeline of grief, from hours to years.
Take good care,
@Mikeville_70 , I think what you fear Mike might not be at all unusual. My wife died about eleven months ago, leaving, me and our two adult children, a male of 46 and a female of 44. Our son rarely speaks of his mother, although I’m sure he grieves in his own way. Our daughter however is quite the opposite; she was very close to her mother, Lucy spoke to her daily and there was always a “Good night, sleep tight” phone text between the two. Almost a ritual.
Lucy fears that as time passes she’ll be further away from the memory of her mother, that she’ll miss her less and eventually only remember her from photographs.
I tell her to take comfort from knowing that her mother is part of her, she only needs to run her hand up her arm to feel her, she’ll always be there, as yours will be for you.
As to your grief changing? People often quote the rather tired cliché that “Time is a great healer”. I don’t think the pain ever goes away completely, I think time blunts it as we learn to cope and adapt to bearing it.
I wish you comfort in your journey Mike, don’t be too hard on yourself.
Thanks @yrhengof for all your kind words, and I’m sorry for your loss. Take care, Mike
You never think of them less as time goes by. But HOW you think DOES change. Its now 11 months since Penny died, and Im just driving to wales for a weeks holiday in a glamping pod with our two dogs.
Her photo is packed in the boot, and she’ll take pride of place in the pod. Ill smile at it, sometimes blowing her a kiss, but very often just chatting to her and playing my guitar.
Please dont try to hang on to negative grief, happier thoughts are much nicer