Scared

Am I alone in feeling scared. I lost my darling man last August and find I am now scared of everything.
I used to be told I was funny and good fun. Now I just isolate myself scared to go out scared to stay in scared of being alone scared of the shops noises in the night the darkness the future. Health issues to face alone. Just the thought of being scared me.

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Hi Gerbil,
You are not alone. Most people who lose a spouse at a certain age feel the same way as you do. Those insecure feelings get better with time. My mom has them as wel after losing my dad out of nowhere to cardiac arrest last year. They supported each other. Its the person who put you first. The person who gave you security. We start getting that from our parents, and then from our spouses. The reality is that you will find true strength from within yourself over time.
At a year, it is truly early. After many years with the same person, a year is nothing at all.
Warmly,
Ell

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E Thank you for those words x

Dear @Gerbil, I am so sorry for the loss of Colin, you clearly loved him very much. From your posts you seem to be really struggling a year on from his sad and sudden death as you have written in your other posts that your friends have disappeared and that even tasks like bathing have become difficult for you. That is very sad to read. Do you think that if you are struggling so much then it might be time to reach out to others for help? Have you tried speaking to your GP? Have you considered bereavement counselling? Have you tried contacting a charity that helps people who have suffered a traumatic bereavement? Maybe you have done all this, but if you haven’t, do you think it is something you might consider? It is very sad that you’re scared, we will always be here for you, but maybe there is other help that might benefit you, I really hope so, because no one should be suffering the way you are. Please look after yourself.

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Abdullah thank you so much for your kind words. My daughter prescribed antibiotics depressant but I had a bad reaction to them I am now on diazapam but try to only take them when absolutely unbearable. Don’t know what to do . Just feel so hopeless in this pain. My family are not near me and have busy lives and children so can’t rely on them . Just feel totally alone.

I feel scared too im not alone have our 12 year old daughter but scared i might get ill or worse i dont kike the nights i dont want to be around people drinking and am scared for the future (im 36) but i get up each day and see where the day takes me all i can do at the moment x

It’s a scary place being alone. Do you mean you are drinking

Sorry to read you had a bad reaction to your anti-depressants. Have you tried going back to your doctor and seeing if he could prescribe a different one? I am on the fifth anti-depressant of my life, sometimes one doesn’t work or has a bad side effect, and so we have to try another one. Things like not even being able to look after your basic hygiene and being at a loss at what to do are signs that your grief could have become major depression, so maybe some other anti-depressant might help you. There are also other therapies available, like bereavement counselling or CBT, which can help if you have suffered a trauma in your life, like you have. It might therefore be a good idea to speak to your GP again? Please remember, your GP cannot force you to take any medications, but your GP will be able to offer you options.

Diazepam is an amazing medicine, but highly addictive, so I am glad you only take it when you absolutely need to - that’s exactly how I use it. Talking here does help most people, so please keep posting, and do not suffer alone.

No im not drinking my partner died with alcoho liver disease its had a big impact so stayed off it for now maybe forever who knowd i just dont like to be around others drinking at the moment so stay clear x

Hi Gerbil your are not alone I too feel scared I lost my Rob nearly four weeks ago very suddenly to a heart attack aged 56 . We have been married 33 years and the house was always a noisy house now it’s so silent and still. Like yourself I fear from here I’m alone for the rest of my days, I feel so lonely. I have two children and they visit which is great but they have their own lives children and partners .I dread the evenings and nights ,and like you I live I fear of taking ill during the night just like rob did and I had to fetch a neighbour to help me with him because Rob needed me to give him cpr. People ask me how I’m doing and l say I’m not too bad but the behind closed doors I sob my heart out .

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I was given diazapam about 2 wks after my partner died they didnt do anything for me fely no different i dont have family near either not easy is it x

The loneliness is crippling.

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They calm me down when I feel as though I’m about to lose control x

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It’s awful when people ask how you are. They don’t want to hear the truth that you are desperately sad u happy lonely and scare. They don’t know what to do or say. I avoid most people just have two very close to me who have literally saved my life as I was suicidal for a time.

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Thank you Abdullah I am a very private person and would find vouncelling extremely difficult an anonymous place like this is good though . X

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Dear,
Gerbil,
I feel the same as you and get very lonely,even though i have my son to look after. I lost my Mum 3 years ago,and step-dad last year,so everyday is just about getting to the end,and feeling so scared and un-happy,i have no choice but to carry on for my son. Hope to talk with you,Lucy,xxx

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That is totally understandable, and hopefully talking here will help. @lucy3383 is kind enough to offer you her help, so hopefully by talking to people like her, you will feel a bit better.

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Dear Gerbil
I lost my partner of Thirty Years Chris on the 10th September 2020…I can bearly bring myself to talk
about it…I find myself isolating waking with panic attacks
Just awful…

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Gerbil I lost my lovely husband of 40 years in November 2017 and I am still broken hearted My kids are all grown up and I’m on my own I still haven’t come to terms with my loss I’ve just better at hiding it Your feelings are absolutely normal God Bless you Take things one day at a time

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Dear Deborah
I really understand your pain. It’s just unbeatable. I isolate myself and still have the waking panic of nknowing he has gone. I am free to talk whenever you want 24/7. I think there is a way you can contact me direct that may help you to talk to someone.