Second year of grief - feeling terrible

So, I have been on this forum for some time, one and off since losing my mother last year. I can’t describe the feelings I have had but I would say the overarching feeling is one of desperation and loneliness but I have tried, I think to do my best.
I’ve done a lot of reading about the grief process but one of my concerns is that I’m having issues relating to others that aren’t family. I feel some of my friends don’t get it and of course, if you haven’t experienced such a thing, then how would you know?
I don’t think my condition is one of complicated grief as I am able to function but I am finding that I just feel so ill at ease as well as being confused and anxious.
The thing is I have to be realistic about myself - I have been irritable as grief can do this and somehow bring out the worst in us.
My mother was/is my best friend and her death was a shock despite her years.
Can anyone relate to this?

Thanks for reading.

3 Likes

Hi @Sandranista,
I agree with you, none of us are at our best after a bereavement, especially when it’s someone we’re so close to. I also agree that generally, if someone hasn’t been through it themselves, they usually don’t understand what it’s really like, one of the best things about this forum is, everyone on here does understand, because we’ve all been through the absolute heartache of losing someone we love, granted in different circumstances, but still so, you are not alone.
My mom passed away 2 years ago, so I’m only just out of the “in shock” phase, but it’s like I have so much information buzzing round in my head, it’s hard to keep track of everything. I keep a diary, & mind map my thoughts, & colour code them by emotion, blue for sadness, red for anger, purple for fear/anxiety, green for disgust. Part of me is starting to question how things could of been different, & things I now feel maybe I should of said while she was alive. It’s like I’ve come out of the “shock” phase, & now I’ve got my brain back & working again, it’s trying to be logical, & puzzle everything out, trying to make sense of it all.
I’ll admit that I question the concept of “normal” grief, while it’s fair to say that there are similarities we all go through, in the sense of the shock when someone we love first passes, that it puts you on autopilot, we all feel the empty spaces, have things that make us cry at the loss, or memories of the person, everyone as a person is individual, has been through different life experiences, & may have a different level of complexity in their relationship to the person that has passed, so we all as individuals have to navigate the emotional ocean of grief in our own way, just trust the tide.

3 Likes

That’s such a wonderfully eloquent reply and has made me smile.

Thankyou Pandaprincess :slight_smile:

1 Like

Hi. Its been over 2 years for me since i lost my mum. It is still painful, i teally know how that feels, i find myself thinking surekt it should be beyter by now. since her death, ive had to deal with other major events, death, redundancy and major illness. These thjngs keep re triggering my grief as all i want it my mum. I feel others dont understand this, even from within my family. My story is a bit different because although i loved my mum, she was not able to be the patent i would of liked due to her own mental health challenges. Nether the less i miss having a mum and someone to sometimes guide me. Its a hmstruggle and a very lonely one.

2 Likes

Thanks for your reply to my post and I am so sorry that things have been so hard for you. Do you think all the other stuff you’ve had to deal with is made worse because of her passing?
Why don’t you think about some counselling? I am going to start soon.
Take care x

1 Like