My sister told me today she said to her husband that she thinks I’m getting worse. Not moving in the right direction. I could see it break her heart.
I just think I’m worrying about all sorts as well as Wayne not being here anymore. One of my dogs is poorly. We didn’t insure because we were just always able to pay for it. Now I am beating myself up for the possibility I can’t look after them the same. They were Wayne’s pride and joy as well as mine.
I’ve been signed off work for another month as on the verge of panic attacks in some situations. it’s a worry as the bills still need to be paid. But I’d probably sent home unfit to work.
The HR lady responsible for people and culture has been in touch today as she wants to help me face things. We have an employee assistance program but she wants to do more. They are going to cover the cost of private counselling. I still can’t accept he’s not here. X
Sending love and hugs @Kellymet
I think every day is different and when the initial shock and disbelief begin to wear off, the reality of them not coming back hits very hard. There is not easy path through this but if your work want to pay for counselling I would take them up on it. I can’t see how it can harm but I haven’t tried it myself.
Maybe try to look at what you ARE managing in your life - even if it is a simple as making a meal for yourself. That on its own can be an achievement when grief takes hold. Give yourself a pat on the back for everything you DO manage, maybe even start to write down your achievements in a journal. You may be surprised at what you are doing.
It’s very early days yet so don’t expect too much of yourself at this stage. I suspect many of us felt worse when that initial shock was easing and for a while afterwards.
Keep posting anything you feel you want to share.
xxx
It must be really hard. I was working when my parents died and my son went missing years ago. But I am alone now my husband died so in a way glad I do not have to work. But being 78 it feels like work to cope.
They say work can help and can if not too stressful. But I look back and wonder how I did. But if course it had consequences because couldn’t be there enough for my son’s who had repercussions.
Every loss is different. Awful husband as was there all my life.
@Kellymet One thing I would say is please accept the offer of the counselling. I found it very helpful, it was provided free by my local Council. My poor little Shi Tzu was in so much grief that I thought I might have to rehome her because she just wouldn’t respond to everyday life. She’s back now. I don’t think you can ever move in the “right” direction because there isn’t one, you have to do what you have to do. It is difficult to to know what to do after the loss of a loved one and I know what you are feeling after your loss. Take care and be safe
I am feeling all confused because my husband died three months ago and there is a funeral today locally of a friend’s husband. I don’t like crowds and would like to keep a low profile so can escape if it goes on longer than half hour which they tend to last time I left early so someone chased after which I hate.
If I want to leave I don’t want to have to justify it so puts me off going
@Enorac it will be a huge thing to even go so well done if you do. I’m sure people will understand if you feel you need to slip away. If anyone follows just quietly say it became too much for you and you needed time alone.
Hugs xxx
Well I got ready to go to the funeral and felt better stepped out the door and it was raining so that did it I didn’t go. I just thought no I can’t scuttle along arriving wet through.
But I feel good that I got dressed up after slobbing around. Gave me confidence that I did not look as bad as I thought. The practice of getting ready was a good thing.
I imagined it. Yes I am a wimp not liking rain but I hadn’t said I would. I found myself a nice dinner in the freezer.
I might walk round when. It is dry. I do not need anything in shop as I have found lots of things I have.
The cat liked the titbits.
@Enorac
That was a real step and seeing the positive in what happened makes me see you are a glass half full sort of person. That will stand you in good stead I believe.
Love
Karen xxx
Thank you for saying that it is a positive to attempt to do something and now I think I can write to my friend friend to explain as I would appreciate someone telling me that rather than think they never cared because I care😀 a out how she is and how it went so asked some people to let me know but will think perhaps I wasn’t meant to go like try to think perhaps my husband wasn’t meant to come home when he died although I wish he had part of ne thinks maybe he had had enough suffering and didn’t want any more. I try to think he is now at peace. I sing that song called deep peace when I am sad which I had layed at his send off. It helps. It is on u tube.
@Enorac
Writing is an excellent idea. You can do it in your own time when you can manage it.
Yes, I believe that everything happens when it is meant to, no matter how hard it is to bear. I have no idea why this happened but there will be a reason I’m sure.
Hugs xxx