While the lock-downs allow people time to themselves, which is so important in this over-worked world, de-stressing, it also allows people to brood and stew and you end up ruminating over regrets, and loved ones deceased, and how you could have done things differently, for a better outcome. I am doing this and it is very hard, not having distractions, and the ability to move forward in life, to compensate for the things I did, the wrong way. hateful.
Hi Berit, you are not alone in finding lockdown has given you more time to go over the past and what might have been different. My husband died very suddenly while talking to our son. He had a sudden cardiac arrest and could not be resuscitated. We thought he was strong and fit but subsequently found out that his heart was damaged. I keep going over and over how this could have been missed by the doctor and if I should have noticed subtle symptoms. I try to keep physically busy doing all sorts of things that donât really need doing but my mind keeps reliving that awful evening and the phone call which changed my life and our sons for ever .
I know there are techniques to calm a mind full of âwhat ifsâ but I havenât mastered them yet.
Perhaps someone else reading your post on this site can offer us some advice. I wish I could help more but I just wanted you to know you are not alone in your thoughts of regret.
Take care
terrible. what an awful shock. it would reverberate with a âPTSDâ effect. a shock for your child.
I am sorry 
thank you for writing. I just cannot put away, from my mind, the mistakes that I have made. maybe, our loved ones would not want us to be so riddled with regret, guilt. I think that that might be true!
It is so difficult to distract your mind - all these âwhat ifâsâ and âif only"sâ - From the beginning I have tried to deal with these negative thoughts. I tell myself that I did what I did, in the only way I knew how , at the time. There is no point beating myself up by speculating on questions that I will never have answers to (did he know? how long was this going on?etc etc). I will always be sad and shamed that I didnât do more, or do better, but there is absolutely nothing I can do about the way it all played out. That part of my life is over & I will never be able to change any of it. He would not have wanted me to dwell in the place of regrets and guilt. So I give myself a shake, and say âNo - weâre not going there today !â, and go about doing one of my many distraction tasksâŚThere are so many memories and I try my best to push the very sad,painful ones away when they rear their ugly headsâŚSometimes it works, and sometimes it doesnât.
Hello
I meditate using the Headspace app - itâs kept me calm and gives me a place to breathe and manage my thoughts. Since losing my son. Nephew and sister in law within 5 months - itâs helped me.
Purple
1 Like