I am new to this forum and not sure how to start.
My mum and I were very close especially in this last year.
I managed to get mum into sheltered housing only 10 mins away from me so spent a lot of time with her.
Then one day she could hardly breathe and I begged her to let me call the ambulance.
After many tears she agreed.
In hospital they said she had a chest infection.
Then we were told she was riddled with cancer and there was nothing that could be done.
2 weeks in hospital and she was due to come home but died the day before.
This was just before Xmas.
I feel bad for thinking she went the right way.
She would have been bed ridden with carers 24/7 and she would have hated that.
Also abit of relief as I wouldn’t have to watch her deteriorate and watch her in pain every day.
Does that make a selfish bad daughter?
Everything happened so fast.
Clearing her place out,making the funeral arrangements.
Now there is a big empty hole and I have lost my best friend and finding it so hard to cope.
I ended up going to the doctors and am on medication to help with stress and sleeping.
Looking back I can see that she wasn’t well and I have all these regrets of what I should of done.
An I understand she didn’t tell me because she was scared.
I just feel so devastated and have a completely different out look on life.
I feel everything I do is on auto pilot
I also lost my father in law 4 months ago so not the best of years.
I know people say to me well at least she didn’t suffer and think of the good times which of course I am glad of