Selfish thoughts.

Hi all
I am new to this forum and not sure how to start.
My mum and I were very close especially in this last year.
I managed to get mum into sheltered housing only 10 mins away from me so spent a lot of time with her.
Then one day she could hardly breathe and I begged her to let me call the ambulance.
After many tears she agreed.
In hospital they said she had a chest infection.
Then we were told she was riddled with cancer and there was nothing that could be done.
2 weeks in hospital and she was due to come home but died the day before.
This was just before Xmas.
I feel bad for thinking she went the right way.
She would have been bed ridden with carers 24/7 and she would have hated that.
Also abit of relief as I wouldn’t have to watch her deteriorate and watch her in pain every day.
Does that make a selfish bad daughter?
Everything happened so fast.
Clearing her place out,making the funeral arrangements.

Now there is a big empty hole and I have lost my best friend and finding it so hard to cope.
I ended up going to the doctors and am on medication to help with stress and sleeping.
Looking back I can see that she wasn’t well and I have all these regrets of what I should of done.
An I understand she didn’t tell me because she was scared.
I just feel so devastated and have a completely different out look on life.
I feel everything I do is on auto pilot
I also lost my father in law 4 months ago so not the best of years.
I know people say to me well at least she didn’t suffer and think of the good times which of course I am glad of

Hi im very sorry for your loss .Your nightmare is unique to you ,youll find your way to some point in life when it happens .Putting it another way how long is a piece of string? that how long it takes.This special club keep coming back no one tells anybody to shut up.And youl find other people will contact you .Theres no right or wrong way to grieve .(im Colin im 58 my wife passed 04032016 on her 41 st birthday)

Hi Colin.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
It’s like an emotional roller coaster isn’t it.
People say to me just think of the good times.
Easier said than done eh.
I know it may sound silly but writing to here everyday telling her even about the little things helps.
Best wishes

Hi your not wrong to think maybe her passing away was better than struggling in life. When Mike died it was terrible (like everyone) but had he lived he was going to have his leg taken off at the hip no prosthetic as it had all gone too far he would have had to have had a toilet bag people coming in to wash him and get him dressed and wheelchair bound- he probably would have tried to end his own life as he tried once before for something years before I knew him. I miss shim terribly I sat with him and watched him die through the night but in the end I think for him was it the best ending-probably