Hello everyone. My partner of 10 years died on 7th November from cancer. The last 3 months or so have been horrific as I’m sure most of you understand.
We never lived together, but I did spend most of my time at her home, and she made me the sole executor of her will.
As well as having to grieve, I have been left with selling her home, her possessions (literally everything I can) as I’ve a much smaller house and just can’t take it.
The thing is, I’m riddled with guilt every time I sell something, a bit of furniture, the freezer…… I just feel like I’m selling her and betraying her in some way, and clearing the house ready for sale is beyond awful, all those memories and good times just gone.
Why do i feel such a bad person even though i have little choice in the matter, and as stuff goes from the house, it just pushes me back into deeper grief. My life with her is just getting wiped away and it’s so awful.
Hi,
I lost my husband to cancer a few years ago. It is horrific and traumatic. Which not everyone will understand. She loved you to let you sort everything out. You are not letting her go as these are just materialistic items. She would know that you couldn’t keep everything and towards the end of life you realise that it’s the people in your life and heart that matter and not possessions.
Try not to be hard on yourself. Nobody is judging you. You are grieving and it takes a long time.
I do understand how you are feeling my words will not ease how you are feeling so I’m putting my arm around and saying you’re not alone. Take each day as it comes. You’re very brave.
Very sorry you are facing this.
Treat selling every item with the utmost care as someone somewhere is happier for having that item and then your loved one’s possessions have made others happy and get to use with another person. See it as a good thing. Let people who need the items benefit and you can take pride in knowing that!
I have been thrifting my whole life and it’s because I want to be given what someone enjoyed using. Never about the money. Heart to heart.
Hi My partner passed nearly 1 yr ago - I moved to a flat & very sadly needed to get rid of a lot of stuff - then here i still have box’s needing attention & i also felt that with every change he was getting further away from me….. But I realised that everything we had together will always be with me it cannot be sold or taken as long as we remember nobody is ever forgotten. Lee is with me everyday & night because I love him.
I send you hugs & the grief I can’t help you with but please lose the guilt - put it into one of those box’s & tape it up!!! She would be proud of you so please take strength from that. 
I like to think of whomever will be amazed by that
Have you seen the video of Day By Day, Godspell
I love that video and it says a lot about how to see this
I watch that video a lot
Hi
I’m sorry you are feeling like this. It is understandable. I’m in tge same situation as you, having to clear out my partner’s belongings and sell his park home. I did think about moving into it myself, but I have my own home, which is bigger, and it would take me a long time to sort out and sell my stuff to fit in his. It doesn’t make sense. I feel as though I’m betraying him, though, as he loved where he lived and his neighbours all loved and miss him. You have to do what you need to do. She will always be with you. You don’t need her furniture. Just your memories of her.
Thank you for your message, it made a lot of sense. Take care.
Thank you! A lot of what you say is true, I shall always have the memories which are more important than furniture,
Take care Ade and be kind to yourself. Your partner will always be with you. X
Just a thought - would you be able to move into your partner’s house instead? It might ease the pain, I don’t know. As I said, I did think of moving into Mark’s park home, but it’s not really where I would like to be ultimately, which is by the sea. I am closer to the sea where I live now, and I have more space at my place, although I don’t really enjoy living here any more, either. We spent a lot of time at both out places, but more at mine in the early years before he bought his park home.
All these dilemas when decisions cause stress and overwhelm. I am afraid I just park most things. When my and my late husband’s parents died 30 odd years ago, a year apart in rented accommodation no choice as had ro pay rent for every week at full cost so had to empty it or council did to the tip after the looters. So upsetting to see my parent’s stuff on the market stall. I couldn’t bring myself to challenge where they had got it from. Only get a load of lies or nastiness couldn’t have put up with. I hated it. I find trying to clear stuff OTT. I watch these programmes on tv where they do it but who wants to be on tv?
Hi, unfortunately I couldn’t afford it, also it’s a bit of a waste, it’s a large 3 bedroom house, and deserves a family to be living there. Thank you for thinking of me though.
I am going through my late husband’s things . He was a woodworker (hobby) and selling his equipment is such a mixed bag. I focus on the happiness it is bringing others versus letting it rust in his woodshop. Still very hard, though.
I wish I had the energy to be sensible and sell things but it takes me all my strength just to get by. When I tried it was tricky had to accept what I could get.
A friend gave me estimates for his larger pieces of equipment that I use as a guide but generally accept what I can get as do not want to advertise and have strangers coming to the house. Just try to remember to breathe and you will more forward.