Well I’ve just booked 3 estate agents to value our dream home. I just can’t believe I’m doing this. Stephen loved the house and worked solidly for the last 5 years to make it beautiful. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing but I do know I can’t live there without him. What will I do when I can’t sit in my lovely garden and remember him. It’s so hard making decisions without him. Anyone else moved house? It’s been 7 months, Stephen died suddenly without warning, I screamed in the drive for help but no one came. I gave CPR until a paramedic found us. Would I eventually get past the nightmares and be able to stay? I’m scared of making a huge mistake.
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So sorry for your loss. My Jackie passed 51 weeks ago.
I made a decision to move back to Wales, so put our house on the market. After what seemed an interminable time, I am no hoping to exchange contracts in the next few days
Go for it
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I will probably consider moving. My partner died 5 months ago suddenly. I get flashbacks of finding him in the kitchen dead. I don’t like going into his study either as a lot of his belongings are in there and I find it upsetting. My dilemma is that he wanted me to have the house but the estate is still in probate. What was our home is just very silent and lonely now, he’s not here, and it was him who made it a home. It’s too big for one person and requires lots of maintenance. I feel guilty for even thinking this.
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I see my husband’s beautiful face there on the kitchen floor, so much blood as he hit his head. He was fitting our new kitchen.
My son doesn’t want me to sell, I’ve just had a message from him saying it’s too upsetting he doesn’t want anything to do with it. He was very close to his dad and feels close to him at the house.
I don’t want any of this to be happening and I know Stephen wouldn’t want me to stay.
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Hi norma 1 I totally understand how you feel torn after uour tragic loss but I think you must do whats right for you ,your the one that’s still here ans need to do what will make you feel even slightly better. Give it a couple of months and if you still feel the same go for it. I am in the same situation and am seriously considering a new start somewhere else. A house is only a home if you feel it is . Best wishes .
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Hello, you are at the very early stages of intense grief, I felt I wanted to move but couldn’t find a buyer, I’m now really glad I stayed, the bad memories have faded & now when I look around I see him laughing or working in the garden & I feel close to him here.
Maybe you could put off making a decision for another 18 months & I’ve you still feel the same move? Your son is upset as well & I’m sure you don’t want that stress.
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We sold our family home and moved to a rental where my darling died. It was awful not being in our own home . We both hated the rented house. It’s such a traumatic thing to leave your home of 30 years and then lose your husband of 50 years in an alien home.
And no I’m not Ok either - I also hate it when folk ask me that.
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Thank you.
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Hi Helen39. my wife died from a cardiac arrest in our house 2 years ago we had owned the land for 40 years and built the small dream 8 years ago, a very good friend of mine who lost his whole family told me not to make any big decisions, some cannot be reversed, the thought of selling has never crossed my mind and I couldn’t live elsewhere, I know she is still here and it is where I am most comfortable, most of my working life this has been our retreat it still is.
You are in very early months, If you can I would suggest giving yourself a lot more time before making such a major decision, it is irreversible, your life will calm and you will slowly find comfort, the nightmare will recede and I am sure your home will return to being the dream you both love.
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Hi, im in a very similar position, mine and my partners house is now on the market after she passed away in November. It really is heartbreaking having to sell it, all the memories, all the love that goes with the house.
I think that if the house is going to carry on msking you unhappy then its best to sell, BUT… if you can then please dont rush into a decision. Also if youre going to sell but stay in the area then the temptation to continually walk past/drive past the house may just coninue the pain and sadness, but make it worse as you cant go in.
So as i said, please take your time if possible, you dont want to regret a huge decision like this.
Best wishes.
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I know my son would like the house. We spoke of it when this first happened. He suggested a house swop or building me somewhere on the land. The house is old and rural (I don’t drive) you can’t see it from the road.
I don’t want to pass on the problems of an old house. We knew the drains needed replacing and the roof at some point and were planning on doing it next. Two big trees have fallen since Stephen passed which he’d have had in the log store in no time, they are still lying there. The canal bank collapsed in part which we replaced but it all needs doing. They are all big expensive jobs, I can’t let our son take in all of this with little spare money and two small children.
If I don’t sell now I know I will have to at some point. I’ve already had to get someone to help with the garden.
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It’s so hard to have to make decisions on your own, isn’t it 
I lost my lovely husband last June and to be honest I couldn’t stay in my home at first and moved in with my daughter. I knew I would have to return at some point and found it extremely lonely without him. As time moved on I’ve decorated and brightened up the kitchen and feel more comfortable, my neighbours are all very kind so i will give it a couple of years & see how I feel…
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Unless you need to sell and move, I would stay for a while longer. My wife for died in 2024 and we were living in our large dream home which we had built to our design for 10 yrs. I initially thought I would move because of the memories but my 4 kids said just wait ( some self interest as we have 6 bedrooms and it’s a bit of a family get together house). I’m glad I listened to to them as it’s familiar and after nearly 2 years can appreciate all the memories it holds and still host our kids and 8 grandchildren and we share memories (sometimes with tears) but it definitely gets better and is doable 
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Dear John
Thank you for replying. Our house isn’t as big as yours but it’s too big for me. The week Stephen died a big Damson tree fell on the fence in the little garden. Luckily a friend came and chopped it up. Since then two more big trees have fallen blocking a path, they are still there. The roof has leaked twice. The canal bank is collapsing (we had replaced half) every week there seems to be a problem. That’s besides the constant filling of holes as the badgers have ripped a big hole in the fence. What was an exciting adventure with Stephen at my side is now a nightmare. It took me all day yesterday to pull just the worst of the weeds and mow two lawns. I’m exhausted.
I’m scared of selling and fear I won’t feel the closeness I do sitting in our garden where I talk to him. I’m praying he comes with me.
The house is too rural, surrounded by woods and a canal. What was beautiful is now scary, if an ambulance can’t find you and no one can hear you scream.
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Hi Helen. I understand everyone’s situation is different - I just wanted to caution against making such big d cousins relatively early but from what you’ve said it sounds like there are many other considerations. Your precious memories will remain with you wherever you are - cherish them
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Big decisions (typo)
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Thank you John. I hope I’m doing the right thing.
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If you love the house and can afford to keep it, perhaps you shouldn’t sell for another year. Maybe you could stay somewhere else until intense grief passed
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Don’t make any rash decisions, happy memories may overtake the sad ones , remember that you may not feel like you do today for the rest of your life. I am nine months in after losing my husband suddenly , the grief is still bad but I couldn’t bear to move house without him . I know deep down that happy memories may become predominant rather than the heartbreaking sudden death and that in time I may feel differently . But , if you have any doubts ( (unless of course you have to sell for financial reasons ) do nothing .
Sending love to you
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