I wrote a post the other day about losing my mum on the 11th March. I am really struggling today and don’t even know why I’m even writing this post. But her funeral is coming up and I am full of so much dread and I’m really anxious about going, maybe it’s cause I’m aware this will be my last final goodbye. The thing is I just don’t know what to do anymore and feel that I’ll never be happy again. I’m currently on the sick at work and I feel no way ready to return but it’s going to put me in financial hardship especially with me having to set up a payment plan with the funeral directors, I honestly feel so helpless and so very lost right now. How does one simply carry on through life after losing one of the most important people in their lives? I’ve still got my Grandma who’s also grieving the loss of her daughter and I’m so scared of losing her cause I know that will come one day but I don’t want that feeling to take over the time I have left with her but I’m scared about her health with having to deal with the loss also.
I am so sorry for your loss. It will get better. You will find wAys of coping. Take all help offered I lost my mum ten years ago and miss her everyday. Time has created a distance and in that time we learn to live with our grief. I miss my mum more when I need her advice. I still talk to her as if she were here. She is in my heart. Get a sick note from your doctor and speak to citizens advice for help. Sending you a huge hug. Please keep texting on the site there are wonderful people on the forum who can help xx
I have a sick note that is due to run out in the next couple of weeks and I plan on requesting another i am just worried about money but there’s no way I can work with how my mind set is right now. Part of me wishes I could just go and join her I’m so incredibly sad and heartbroken beyond belief! I know this is not what she would have wanted though and I couldn’t do that to my family. I just don’t know how I’m ever going to go back to any normal kind of living, I’ve never known pain like it x
The pain is intense unbearable and unrelenting. When my husband died I walked around in a daze for months. I felt disconnected from everything around me although I was present. I remember family saying I wasn’t making any effort with conversation and I might as well have stayed at home. It was all I could do to get out of bed and dress myself let alone engage with life. I’m still an enormous mess some days. He is by my first thought in the morning and last thought at night Some days I have a plan to do housework gardening washing and I find I have watched tv and let the day just dribble away. It makes me panic but then I tell myself that today that is all I am capable of and it has to be enough. We are creatures of routine and our whole existence has been shattered. From waking up in the morning everything has changed. Every inch of our life is affected. Unless others have gone through this they will never understand the pain emptiness and fear this brings. I bought a puppy and I honestly believe he is the only reason I am still here. He gave me purpose. I had to get out of bed to walk him feed him and tend his needs. He has brought a tiny bit of joy into my life. My best advice is to take each day hour by hour. Live in the moment and try and concentrate fully on the task in hand. It’s the only thing that helped me get through. Life feels lonely even with people but it does When the numbness wore off the pain and realisation crept in. I am here to say it does get better inch by inch. There are days when I am still a mess but there are days when I can smile. Keep posting as people understand here xx
You have just described everything I’m feeling to a tea! I was wondering how I could feel so lonely even in a room full of people and I was wondering why I kept having bouts of pure panic and fear. I have a beautiful dog who has helped me through my crying, poor thing has been cuddled to blooming death but at the moment I am scared about how much I love him and my family because I know that I’ll also have to say bye to them one day, it’s simply too much to bear
I love your description of how you cope ! So like me and i have a puppy too who keeps me going too but inside i am so alone and so lost without my darling husband ! I wish i wasnt here … i cant see the point anymore and i hate everything , nothing gives me joy apart from when i see him again