settling up

im far from coping with the loss of the love of my life.ive decided to try do some good and tie up any loose ends as soon as possible.ive been looking into doing a sky dive for charity in my soul mates name and memory.ive found out I need be 14 and a half stone to have more options as regards the air field we I can do the jump.also looks like my only option is a tandem sky dive,ive never been on a plane in my life,Jayne as been lots of times we did have loads of holidays together but I had no issues with Jayne going occasionally with friends and family.in the time we were together Jayne as been to Las Vegas,spain a few times germany ,Turkey France we always spoke on the mobile a few times a day.so this sky dive im trying arrange will be the first time ive ever been in a plane.not decided on the charity yet,and as regards the jump I will pay in full and any sponsors I get all monies will be going to a charity or charities in Jaynes name.its probably going be in the new year when the weather is better as ive found out if a jump is cancelled through the weather the deposit is not returned.so hopefully it will be in very early spring.gives me time lose a stone or 2 in time for the jump.my love for Jayne knows no bounds I just cannot move on and do what a few friends keep droning on about that Jayne would want me do this or that,to them I say tell me how you feel once you lose the person thats meant most in your life time then see if you can take your own advice.any way im apprehensive and a little scared but I will move heaven and earth to go through with this sky dive.If im still here off course.sorry for shooting off on tangents but hey I cannot control my emotions when it comes to Jayne. regards ian

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Hi. Ian. I think your post highlights how differently each of us responds to this awful experience. The skydive idea fills me with horror, but you sure have the courage to do it. Why not? Does it matter what others think?
Oh yeah, I know all about ‘good’ advice, we all do. They mean well but it can be irritating at times. How the heck do they know what Jayne would have wanted. Only you can know that.
It’s so difficult to do things that we used to do together because the motivation to do it is gone. Now we only have to please ourselves and it often happens that even that is difficult.
Control your emotions!! My goodness, I wish! But should we control anything? Control takes a lot of energy where letting emotions out relieves energy. Too many suppress emotions with the result that body can suffer.
Good luck to you and I hope it all goes well.

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Gosh Ian your a very brave man and put me to shame but go for it. My husband would have loved to do what your contemplating, he loved anything to do with planes and space for that matter. He wanted to go into space, not me, no way.
Jonathan is right only you know what Jayne wanted and I’m sure she will be proud of you no matter what you decide. It’s not a competition, it’s a hard slog and we have to move slowly day by day.
Why have you got to control your emotions when it comes to Jayne, you loved her and she loved you, so don’t even try. We like to hear about her and the wonderful love you shared.
Why shouldn’t you be here!!! you now have an incentive to get yourself fit and go for that jump in Jayne’s name. Good on you.
Pat xxx
Keep us up to date with your jump.
Pat xx

thank you Jonathan
hopefully all will go well and nothing will put the mockers on my achieving my goal for my loving soulmate Jayne.firstly start eating proper and get a little exercise and lose the few pounds to make the weight for the jump.
will post more once ive got confirmation could be a while but theres no rush
regards
ian

thank you Pat
im a little apprehensive,as I was before I had my first tattoo dedicated to Jayne.ive had Jaynes portrate tattooed on my torso,and a month later had a 2 coloured roses put on my arm ,the first tattoo I didn’t feel it much at all,the other was painful to say the least if it wasn’t important to me and about showing myself how much Jayne means to me I could easily of tapped out and not bothered.like the charity sky dive,because im doing it for Jaynes memory I will find the courage from some where.i can here Jayne now when she tried get me go abroad on a plane,in a way I wish id done so as it would of given me time to add to my memories list of great times with Jayne.fingers crossed no glitches arise to stop me from achieving my goal.
regards
ian

You know Ian I have a feeling your going to get through this. You will find the courage in Jayne’s memory. She will keep you going.
So now it’s the running gear and healthy food to get you fit and Jayne will be so proud of your efforts in her name. You are doing it for her, don’t ever forget that…
I do our allotments for Brian, he asked me to keep them going. It’s hard work and sometimes I find myself crying with frustration at trying to lift or repair something but I keep telling myself it’s for Brian. When I work on his plot I am aware that it has to look tidy and well cared for as that is how he liked it. His name is still at the top of it, not mine, I’m just taking care of it for him. We are still trying to please them and keep their memory alive.
Good luck, let us know how you are getting on.

Pat xx

Jianne,
I think you are so brave and I wish you well. I too am thinking of having a tattoo in my partners name. I will be fearful to say the least but I need to do something as I am feeling so sad at the moment. Im having a job keeping above my emotions. The tears are just flowing this week. I’m still going to work and getting through the day but this week in particular I have had to sort lots of things out and I have found it extremely difficult without my Simon by my side. I don’t mean to sound depressing I just need to vent how I’m feeling as I guess I’m not the only one feeling like this
Heartbreak

hi Pat,
thank you for your kind words of support,Jayne will live on through me and everything I do is to either show how much I love her or things to try make Jayne a little proud of me.As regards the charity sky dive im hoping early spring,like ive said ive never ever even been in a plane,but I wanted do something im terrified of, on top of that jumping out the plane to.will try get doctor appointment just get ok that my health issues are not a concern.good look with looking after Brians allotments dont over do it,and hopefully you will do a great job.if I lived locally id of happily offered help with the odd bit of heavy stuff,but not the gardening as ive not got green fingers at all.will post on this thread over the months before I hopefully get to sky dive for charity in Jaynes name and memory.
regards
ian

good luck with the tattoo.Ive never ever thought about tattoos,not because of the pain it might cause I just didn’t really want one.Then with all the hassle I had off Jaynes parents and not getting any say in the funeral or were Jaynes ashes are to finally rest etc,i just wanted have Jayne near me,so I had a portrate dont on my torso its in black and grey ,it took 3 and a half hours to do and it didn’t hurt maybe a little in the last few minutes when going over the same spots time and again but it was well worth it to get Jayne close to me.The 2nd tattoo I had my name and Jaynes name id post a picture but cant see hot it can be done on this site.any way its a red rose and a lilac rose Jaynes name on top of a scroll round the roses Soulmates and my name.it took 9 hours to do and was very pain full my thoughts of having Jayne on my body helped me get through it and the result was a very nice tattoo dedicated to my wonderfull best friend lover Soulmate Jayne.oh and I also got Jaynes hair out of every brush in the house washed it and put in a little bag and I always have it in the left hand pocket[ over my heart ]of the shirt im wearing .again it keeps Jayne close to me.when you have the tattoo just believe the pain will be worth having such a permeant sign of your love for Simon.
regards
ian

went doctors yesterday .blood pressure was ok.got appointment next weds check my asthma.then hopefully be given all clear do the sky dive.

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