Shall I sell up and go and live with my son ?

My son bless him suggested to me that I sell my home and go and live with his family, suggesting, they’ll buy a house with a granny house in the grounds, so I can be independent. I am lonely, frightened about the future and worry about getting older, and bring on my own. The other flip of the coin, my husband did so much work on this beautiful house we live in, loads of memories, can I bring myself to do it, let it all go. I have 2 other children, would it be fair to them, financially as I do intend to leave them all a 1/3 share of the house when I die.

It is said that we should give it at least a year before we make major decisions. Our minds are still in grief and thinking things through is difficult. Of course, this does depend on the individual, but in general I agree with that idea. I must confess though that it does sound good. You would still be independent. But do you feel up to all the hassle of moving? You may later but do you now? Moving home is one of the life events listed as being traumatic. I have moved many times and it can be so. Think it through carefully before making any decisions. Best wishes.

I’m going to tell you how my thought process works (perish the thought)…if I was asking advice or approval or opinions of others, that in itself would tell me that I was in doubt. I make clear decisions myself when I am sure of something, without any input whatsoever from anyone else. I realise this is how I work and that we’re not all the same but, the fact that I was asking others for their thoughts would answer my own question. So, I’m going to advise you to ‘hold fire’ for now…x

Hi, yes CW13, gives you the best advice. I have had this kind of suggestion about selling and moving. I was told wait 2 years and then you may have an idea of what you want to do. There are so many different thoughts in my head just now thinking about it but I come back to the same thing, WAIT and see. Remember it’s your life and what ever you do it’s on your head and no one else can live your life.
Take care and think very carefully.
Blessings S

Thanks for replying, I don’t want to rush into anything, I agree I’ll wait, I probably know when I’m ready, just long endless days without him. Love it when my children come round, but sad that I want my space to reminisce and grieve. This grieving business is so very hard, everyone on this site, can rant and air their views give advice, good to read.

I’d suggest you talk openly to his wife first. Does she think this is a good idea as well? Be very clear about what is happening.
A neighbour of mine had the same offer from a son. it ended up.a total disaster with her leaving a lovely home and buying a flat at more or less the same price , not such a good location and staying with family for months before it was all sorted out.
Waiting is good advice. Jx

The days do get better, always there and waiting for you to drop your guard. If you you can spot it before it gets you, then great. I know what you say about the children and then being on your own to feel just how you want to feel. We have a habit has mothers to shield them from our worries and think of them first, the only problem is they don’t understand how we feel, well my don’t. Life is hard whether it’s because we are on our own or because we have been left and not what we want. Still waiting for easier days.
Take care, blessings S

Hi I am in sort of the same position my wonderful husband died six years ago and I feel my lovely home which my husband did lots of work in is now holding me back from moving on that’s sounds awful but it’s a big house to maintain and we have lived in it for 25 years downsizing would be easier for me my grown up children are not happy they feel they would lose all the memories but I believe my husband will be with me wherever I go can someone help with this decision thank you


Now after 6 years is a good time to make a sensible decision.
Of course it will be hard for you and your children to leave your lovely home but now seems like a good to downsize and find somewhere in a good location that you will find easier and cheaper to look after as you get older.

It might help to have "a big farewell party ’ for the house when you can all remember your husband and the good times you shared there.Taking photos or making memory books for them with little stories about your life and the house may help keep it in their minds.

Have you told them how much work and money it takes to look after the house and that as you get older you won’t be able to do it?

Good luck with your decision .Jx

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thanks Jackie it’s something in my heart I know my husband would want me to do the house is too big and I am struggling to keep it cleaned my children are wonderful but they won’t even talk about it I really just wish they could see things from my point of view they think I am walking away from my husband but they should know I would never do that he will be with me wherever I am so sorry to hear your story so sad try and keep your chin up but I know how hard that is take care x

Well said CW13, if we are asking advice we are not ready to make that choice.