It’s been a while since I came to this site, I am two years and three months into my journey of loss so I returned to share some thoughts.
First off, it doesn’t get easier over time, you just learn to live with it better. I still feel a part of my soulmate lives on in me, I sense her looking at me from her photograph when I do something foolish, I still talk to her and tell her I’ll do better, I still cry from time to time but not as often. I sometimes play our music to make myself cry, we need to get it out sometimes. I still miss her every day and wake up complaining that I did wake up instead of joining her at rest.
One of the most important things to remember is when they said they would love you for the rest of their life - they did!
It’s now up to us to honour their memory in our lives until our time comes to meet them again.
We all go through different stages of grief, anger, guilt, heartbreak, thoughts of ending it all aren’t uncommon and it’s perfectly acceptable to feel that way so long as you don’t act on it. There are plenty of people out there to talk to on the phone such as the Samaritans.
For me having lost everything that mattered to me was also liberating, it meant I could do anything because it didn’t matter any more what anyone else thought. I started by attending church regularly, a church “family” can help steer you in the right direction. Someone suggested to me a group they ran called singing for fun and health. My response was I can’t sing and I don’t care about my health. I went along anyway and enjoyed it. I felt guilty for being happy because I was supposed to be grieving. That too is all part of the process. As a result of that small step at 63 years old I joined a community choir and stood on a stage with them as a singer for the first time in my life. It’s a fairly big choir so if I was out of tune it didn’t matter, it did build up my confidence though and I joined the much smaller and stricter church choir. The community choir we had a laugh and joke when we screwed up, the church takes it more seriously.
My partner was a nurse, dedicated her life to helping the sick, to honour her I tried to do the same, I registered as a blood donor, signed up as a food bank volunteer, I help out with a local charity car parking occasionally, I recently became a check in and chat volunteer with the Royal Voluntary Service to call people who are alone during the pandemic.
For those of us left behind it’s about survival, that’s achieved by leaving your comfort zone and doing new things, even during the pandemic there are opportunities to do that.
The journey of grief is painful, it’s the toughest thing you ever have to deal with, challenge yourself, do new things and remember although part of you died when they did part of them lives on in you. Live for them and yourself.
I hope my thoughts and words have some meaning and help those who are new on this journey.
God bless, Carl.


Thank you sorry for your loss. Like you say we never get over losing our partners but learn to live a different life .
For me 16 months I hit rock bottom around the 11 month mark my children were so worried I had to accept help it’s good to talk. I am a nurse now back at work the last 3 months and functioning better. It’s a great loss I cry most nights there the worst but I am moving forward.
Take care our journey is not easy x

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Thank you Carl, your words give us some hope that we can build something as we journey on. I’m only 4 months in and I just miss the life I had so much. I am sorry that so many of us have to create a life that is nothing like the one we had / work towards. It is good to hear that you now have new things to focus on and I hope that you continue to enjoy them.

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Thanks Carl, it helps to read someone fighting for survival, i am trying to be proactive, and help myself. I do have massive pity parties for me, my loss and husband, his loss, all the things he should and so deserved to be enjoying to …
Keep up all your good work. X