My mum died two days ago. And I’m so lost. This gaping hole has been left and I don’t know how to express what I’m feeling. I’m so tangled with thoughts and emotions. I just don’t want to bring everyone down around me crying all the time. I’ve been looking after my dad first then my mum for the last 4 years. Every day on eat sleep repeat. And now it’s stopped and I don’t know how to move forward. How do I learn to stop missing them when it’s like a physical pain?
Hello… I’m so sorry that this grief journey has started for you. There are so many emotions at the raw early stage. Be kind to yourself and don’t have any expectations of what you should be feeling or doing. It’s really a case of just getting through, taking each moment, hour or day as it comes. This stage will pass, but use the support around you. This forum has many posts that you can read to reassure you that you aren’t alone and what you’re feeling is normal. Best wishes xx
Oh I am so sorry for your loss. There is literally nothing that will take the pain away right now as the loss is so raw and overwhelming. I lost my mum 6 weeks ago and I just feel numb all the time. I try to think that mum would not want me to be so distressed and put on a brave face when I can. The only thing that has got me through is doing the process of grieving one hour at a time and being kind to myself when I can’t stop crying, knowing it’s normal and okay. I also talk mum every day, mad as that sounds x
I’m so sorry for your loss too. I talk to my mum all the time. I can hear her reply’s. It’s so raw right now. We’ve just got the death certificate. That was another wallop. And all her possessions from the hospital. It’s all so terrible. You’re right about being kind to myself. It does help. Thank you.
Hey guys I am in the same boat as you unfortunately, I have been receiving counselling and she told me to try and write to my mum when I really want to talk to her which I started doing tonight, not sure how it will help but it did flow out when I started.
I just spoke about my day and my feelings ect. I’ll continue writing to her and see if it helps x
Im so sorry for your loss.
The early days are awful, a total fog of grief and things that must be done (funeral, death certificate, house clearance)
The waves of grief that arrive like a tsunami and threaten to drown you.
Allow them to come, cry when you need to and take support that is offered.
Im approaching the 6 month mark of my dad passing and the 5 month mark of mum dying.
Its hard, so very hard.
Be kind to yourself and this group is all here to support you x
Thank you so much for your support. This week since mum passed has been so awful. I feel my head is a tangle of thoughts and emotions. So much to sort out. And this big gaping hole in my life that I don’t know how to fill. I saw mum every day. And texted back and forth. She was a very tech savvy 86 year old. I miss being able to speak to her. Yet I feel her near but I can’t quite reach her. Does anyone else feel that? I also feel a bit guilty that it’s over. Mum battled with cancer and we always knew it would win eventually and lived for two years with not knowing when the end would be. When the end came I couldn’t be with her as she had covid and my husband is vulnerable. So I had to make a choice to protect him. I was so torn. I can’t get the image of her out of my head. It’s also made me face my own mortality. And I keep thinking about my own death and how little time I have left. I just seem to have moved from eat sleep repeat with caring for mum to eat sleep repeat grief. How do I move forward?
How do you move forward…? I have no definitive answer to take away the misery of your grief sadly, but you will just keep plodding through the days. Some will feel better than others. I find that when I am busy I am distracted from my grief, it’s those quiet moments or sensory triggers that bring it all back. I often just grit my teeth and go through the motions. I know my Mum would want me to be enjoying life so I try to do a bit of ‘fake it till you feel it’. The main issue for me is I don’t have the motivation to do all the things I used to enjoy so I have to really force myself to go out. Best wishes to you on this grief journey…xxx