Shocked and desperate

My husband died suddenly at work with no warning or previous illness. I am struggling to accept he has gone even though his funeral was three weeks ago. We did everything together and even the clocks going forward for spring is heartbreaking because he loved the lighter nights and we would walk and talk after work and clear our heads. I have a loving family around me but I just want to hold him once again and see his face. So sad…he was full of life, love and adventure. My heart is broken

Dear Ithaca
I am so sorry that you have lost your precious husband. It is very early days for you and your family and there will be many ups and downs ahead but please know that you are among friends on this site…everyone here understands so please keep posting and reading. Thinking of you…take care x

Dear amelie’sgran

I could never have imagined this feeling existed. Waking up after a disturbed night to grim reality is getting harder.
Luckily I don’t have to return to work for a few more weeks.
People expect me to be coping, coming to terms with it, stopping crying as often, being strong, feeling better after a good cry, healing with time. I understand that no one knows what to say to a newly bereaved person but none of the above are possible just yet.
My father passed away five days after my husband and I was able to be with him at the end. It’s all too much.
I have taken steps to see a counsellor but maybe it’s too early as I can’t see beyond wanting to turn the clock back and revisit being with them both again.
Just thinking about the lovely times makes me cry so much.
I’m supposed to be taking myself out food shopping this morning when it’s quiet but I struggle to focus on what I need and have little interest in choosing anything to eat. I just hope to get in and out without seeing anyone I know. X

Dear Ithaca
You have had a double dose of grief in a very short space of time so please do not expect too much of yourself too soon…time will help ease your anguish and there will be times in the future when you will succeed in doing things that now seem almost impossible, but “baby steps” are best for now. As for other people…they mean well and think they are being kind but they are not standing where you are so don’t try to meet their expectations…this is your “journey” not theirs and you need to take your time to make it.
As well as this special site there is one called What’s your Grief which many of us have found very helpful…perhaps you know it?
I hope you managed your shopping trip and hope that the rest of today is kind to
you and all fellow travellers. Be kind to yourself x

Dear amelie’sgran

Thank you so very much for that thoughtful and inciteful reply. It helped a lot.
I almost managed the shopping trip but got upset near the end however once I got home and put everything away I took myself out into the countryside and walked up to a special place and back. The fresh air did me good I think.
Baby steps is good advice. Xxx

very sorry for everyone’s loss its hard times and something thst will ne with us for ever. Never imagined this pain existed, with such a lonely, deep sorrow and emptiness. I lost my world and beautiful husband just under 4 months. The expectation that time is a healer its not for everyone. Life wont ever be the same. The longer it is for me harder it gets. I have been the past days in a very deep deep black tunnel. I csnt see light at thee end. Not yet anyway…
I miss my darling and want to see him again speak to him hear his voice, have his arms around me, touch his face one more time !
Sorry i
I should be more positive but i cannot bs today, ghe loneliness and pain are to great today. Tomorrow is another day. Small steps indeed


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