Should be getting over it

My husband died 31/7/2016 and I still feel I am n limbo. How do I make a new life after 65 yrears of marriage - I knew him for 4 years before we were married

Hello, Rose June. I posted a reply to you earlier today but must have done something wrong as it is not here. Your post rang bells with me because Bill and I were married for 66 years when he died last year. Plus we knew each other 2 years before that. It is like losing a limb and not being able to function without it. I have tried to make a new life but find it almost impossible to enjoy anything without him. We were always together, and I am totally at a loss going places on my own. All I want is to go and be with him and, at 86, I hope I won’t have to spend too many years on my own. The loneliness is awful. Warm regards. Eileen

Hello Eileen. Thank you for your reply. I have been so low that I prayed to die. Now, possibly because because I’ve not been doing much, my Dr tells me that I am not as well as I thought I was. I now realise what another close death would mean to my family. Hard as it is, I must survive as long as I can for them. I can still hear Leslie saying, "We must never, in any way, become a burden to our children ". “All right for you”. I say to myself but, as always, I must go along with his wishes. I wish you peace of mind. Rose. (Are you Virgo? Me too. Sign if service. Ha!!)

Hello Rose June and thank you for your reply to me. I know the feeling about wanting to die, and the reason why we must go on. I would never take my own life because of the distress to my family, but I do say a little prayer before I go to sleep that I won’t wake in the morning. It’s dreadful I know but all I want is to be with my husband again. Like you, we had been married a long, long time and I don’t know how to face the coming years without him. I expect we will survive even though we will never recover from our loss. Yes I am a Virgo. 25th August and I will be 87 this year. Warm wishes. Eileen

Dear Sheila
Today is Mothering Sunday. I have a son and a daughter and they both live at some distance from me. They with their families sent me flowers. Both the accompanying cards said, “Thanks Mum”. When my parents and my brothers and sister died I grieved but I still had my ‘other’ life to go home to. I now thank God that my son and daughter have another life to help them in their grief. Like you I have never been one for clubs and have always said that if I’d wanted to join clubs I would have done it when my husband was alive. However, I know people are trying to help when they suggest I go to meetings and so I have been going to some because I don’t want to offend them. Please believe it does help. In my case, most of the meetings are arranged by he church (not churchy things but some very interesting talks) Certainly, when I return home I am just as sad, just as lonely but at least there was that couple of hours during the day that I was taken out of myself. I have even been able to help people now and then. I was a nurse a long time ago. Please try it Sheila. Maybe your sons are seemingly becoming more distant because they just don’t know what to do to help you. Take care. Rose