Sibling lost

I’m new to this, I’m new to grief. I lost my sister June 2021, she was 45 and died suddenly of neuroendocrine cancer that was found on her bowel 6 weeks previously, and days before she died, it had ravaged her body (we was previously told this was a hernia :sob::rage:,) .
I find my days constantly filled with thoughts of her my dreams are so vivid as if she is talking to me and at times I wake up thinking she has woke me. Part of me wants the constant thoughts to stop but at the same time I don’t. Lately I have found that I’m irritable and snappy my anxiety levels are high where I’m panicking about going out. I have tears pretty much on a daily basis. But it isn’t that proper cry, you know, the one where it doesn’t stop where your screaming into a pillow. ( I mean, will it even make me feel better?) am I stopping myself? I have a large dependant family, a few with mental health issues and I wonder if that is why I feel like I do. I miss my sister immensely, we were so close. She just knew me and got what I was about. She was protective of me. I don’t know how to let her go and I don’t know if this is grief… I’m lost and feel so alone

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Hi sorry for your loss I lost my brother 2 weeks after my wife died and I think of them all the time .I miss my brother as he was the one I could talk to about carole,s terminal cancer and his death was out of the blue so more of a shock . I was lucky if you can call it that I spoke to him over the voom the day before he died from his hospital bed (that gives me some comfort).
So you don’t to let her go and your not alone on this site were all travelling the bereavement Rd
Take care of yourself and don’t be to hard on yourself it will all take time.
John

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I’m sorry for your losses. And thank you for your kind words x