Sick of people saying it was a blessing really

My husband had Huntington’s Disease and over the last 12 months his condition had got a lot worse. He needed a wheelchair, became doubly incontinent, could hardly speak, could only eat blended food, was regularly sick.
Throughout it all, he remained a gentle, uncomplaining soul, who, if asked, would say he was fine.
Before his illness, he was a caring, totally loyal, supportive husband. We used to go hillwalking together and went on pub crawls together every weekend. We had a good life.
I lost that life years before he died as his illness steadily got worse, and I became his carer, which had been getting harder and harder this year.
Now that he’s died, I keep getting people say to me, it was a blessing really, or, it must be a relief really. It makes me feel angry, I want to say, how dare you minimise the enormity of my loss, and the huge sadness of his passing?
I know people mean well, and obviously I’m glad that my husband is no longer suffering, but I’m still gutted to have lost the love of my life.


Hello @MrsP93.

I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately people say the most ridiculous things but as you say, they mean well. But honestly, they haven’t got a clue. We take comfort from anything we can, we have to and yes, I feel sure you will find some comfort in the fact that your husband is no longer suffering. But that is only a small part of grieving. There is the huge part to contend with, the loss of the one person who made us whole. That’s the part that tears our heart out. That’s the part that gives us the gut-wrenching, agonising pain in the whole of our body and in everything we do. That’s the part that nobody else can see or even begin to understand. But we on here, we understand MrsP.

In your post you’ve mentioned a bit of how your lives were before your husband’s illness. Hold on to those memories. It’s those memories which will, in time, bring a smile and sustain you in your grief.

Sending love, strength and understanding. x

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Thanks Kate. I will.
So many good memories, having trouble deciding which to include in the eulogy!


I fully understand what you are going through. My husband passed away in April. He had been diagnosed with Motor Neurone Disease in November 2020 and had gradually deteriorated physically. Towards the end, he was struggling with mobility but had not yet had any support with outside care. We were a unit and did everything together for 31 years. After he passed, I was obviously relieved for him that he was no longer suffering but would have quite happily continued caring for him forever if it meant he was still here. So many people have said ‘what a relief for you’ - they couldn’t be further from the truth.
Sending my best wishes to you xxx