I recently lost my sister to cancer, she was 49.
She fought hard for eighteen months until she could fight no more.
She was living in Australia with her immediate family who were there when she went.
One of her wishes was not to have a funeral as she didn’t want everyone to be sad.
I respected her wish and still do, but with me living here in England, her in Australia and my blood family all in New Zealand (yes I’m a kiwi), I have not been able to find an outlet for the grief that is bottled up inside me, let alone be able to say good bye.
I find it difficult to talk to my wife and her close family about it.
I am in regular contact via online with family back in NZ, but I feel unable to deal with my sister’s passing.

I’d be grateful if anyone could offer advice, or has similar experiences?

With thanks,

Hi , I’ve just came across your post , I’m in the same position as you I lost my twin sister In December 2020 to breast cancer , I’m here for a chat

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I lost my sister in 2021. We did have a funeral, it must be really difficult when your sibling doesn’t want a funeral, I understand that they don’t want you sad, but you are sad and devastated regardless of what they want, why don’t you have your own sort of service maybe make a memory box with pictures etc and write a letter to her, either bury it in your garden on her anniversary and make it a lovely day talking about her and your lovely memories, Skype, zoom Australia and New Zealand to the family and they can do the same, plant a rose or a tree in the same spot, or maybe a really nice place you think she would like, somewhere you can visit on birthdays & anniversaries
My heart goes out to you, I miss my sister so much


I’m still struggling to find an outlet for whats bottled up inside me.
Every day Linda is there. Sometimes lurking in the background, and other times it’s all I can do to breathe.
It’s tearing me apart knowing that I’ll never see my dear sister again.
She is in my heart and thoughts always.
I’d give everything to be able to see her again.
I’ve been told that the pain goes away, but it hasn’t lessened one bit since she left us.


So sorry Gawumpi42, I live (exist) with the devastating loss of my younger Sister every day, now 4 years on. My Sister was joyous, positive and embraced life. She also did not want a funeral, so we had a small gathering of her close friends, family & her colleagues where we celebrated her life. We had my musician BIL play music and anyone was welcome to share their memories. It was simple but meaningful. We also dedicated a memorial bench to her in a spot she loved.
I relate to the agony of not being able to see her again. Many days I still pretend she is just away and will be back. I sense your pain, and wish I could say it goes away (like others try to tell us) however for me this pain is ever present, albeit some days I can briefly distract myself . I hope you might find your own ways to honour her memory and provide outlets for your grief. Here to listen. Xxx Another Grieving Sister :broken_heart:


Hi Gary
This hit hard with me. My sister passed on the 21st of December suddenly & although I was with her we had to leave her technically still alive as we signed to donate her organs so didn’t feel like a good bye. 3 days before her funeral I caught covid so couldn’t attend but watched at home on telly but it wasn’t a good bye for me. The guilt is crushing not having said a good bye I’ve had a tattoo done for her I have some of her ashes & pictures etc but none of it has felt like a good bye for me. I hope you find a way for you to say your own personal good bye in the meantime be gentle to yourself.