Sitting in silence ....

I have already been reading some of the threads on here and realise many are feeling the pain, emptiness and heartache from losing someone.

My world has halted following the loss of my mum 4 weeks ago. Mum was a happy and bubbly person who loved living. She certainly did not want to leave.

Things have happened so quickly with mum showing symptoms then getting a diagnosis of cancer in November 2018, when she was told she had only months to live, to when she passed away in January 2019.

Like many of you on here I was close to mum. She was my friend, my go to buddy as well a mum. I miss her terrible.

It is unfortunate that I have also lost my brother a few years ago and my relationship with my remaining sibling is not great and my relationship with my father is not on the same level as my relationship with mum. I also live alone and my daughter lives several hundred miles away.

My mum was in her 60’s.

We all know that one day we will die and I knew my parents would die but it was something I had dreaded.

Things do seem surreal and at a standstill yet life around plods on.

I’m back at work as I don’t want to be to alone all day doing nothing.

I feel broken inside, especially when I know I will not see her again.

I’ve a small network of people from work but I don’t want to bother them with talking about mum… I do hope things get better or more manageable …

I understand about sitting in silence. I think you are processing things. It is really good to keep talking about your Mum. She is and always will be a very important part of yourself. Some people you will be able to talk to and others perhaps you will prefer not to. Now is the time to do whatever is best for you. My Mum passed away a couple of years ago and I remember sitting in silence especially when I could not sleep. Sometimes I used to hold something connected with her as well. Take really good care of yourself and know that we are all here for you. Thank you for sharing.

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So sorry to hear you have experienced such losses especially your mum. I know exactly how you feel except it was my dad who passes away and the sense of loss and sometimes pain is overwhelming sometimes. I too hope in time that I can come to terms with losing my best friend… thanks for sharing

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I’m sorry to hear about your mum. I lost my dad just after Christmas. He was only diagnosed in December. It’s been a huge shock. You have to find your way of working through I think. I seem to be stuck at the moment but these forums & support networks are brilliant. If i’ve Learnt one thing it’s that we are not alone. X

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It was my dad we lost. He died in October so not long before yours. I’m hoping too that these forums help me like they help you. X

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Thank you for replying and I am sorry for your loses.

These are good forums which I find helpful especially given people reply and treat you with respect.

I like to talk about my mum as she was so special to me and such a lovely person. She told me she did not want to leave the people she loved and I remember saying to her ‘mum you’ll never ever leave me’ … I have decided I’m going to tell people about her and keep talking about her as I travel my path through life.

I’ll tell you readers something about her … she made the bestest spotty dick pudding and she loved seeing us scoff it! Argh yummy …

If it helps and you don’t mind sharing I’d like to read something about your loved one that was special about them?

Thanks to all for reading and sharing x

Ah that’s such a lovely thing to remember. I am a big believer in talking and sharing. Keep telling us things if it helps you. My dad was a quiet, calm man and one of the kindest people I have ever met. About 4 years ago I got into running and he came to support me at races and you could just tell by his face when he saw me go past just how proud he was. I hang on to things like that. And when i’m Having a bad day I go for a run & feel like he’s running next to me. When I run my face goes bright red & stays that way for a while afterwards. Apparently it’s a generic thing that dad had too! Thanks Dad!! :wink: x

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My dad was so funny and always had a clever joke to share. The thing I loved most about him though was that he’d hold my hand when we went to town even as an adult and I’ll cherish that amongst lots of other memories I have of him xx

My Mum was very gentle and very strong. She loved baking and gardening and was very good at buying presents for people - finding the perfect thing for the occasion and taking great pride in it. I like to feed the birds in her memory and sit and watch them and I have tried to carry her ideas for birthdays and take care in what I choose for people. I have the dearest memories of her, full of pride, and so precious and these are coming through and the memories of her last few months are not so strong although of course I can remember them. I think of how she carried on after the loss of her parents and try to use that as inspiration. Flickyflops your Mum sounds lovely. Keep talking about her I think it is very important. Sometimes you remember new things and a memory comes to mind. I love my Mum sometimes even more now than ever before. I like to do things in her memory or visit places in her memory. I think some people call it Continuing Bonds - the relationship can continue. XX

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That is really lovely and I did smile when reading this … the memories we have are so wonderful to each of us xxx

That is great and very special. It made me smile when you recall his face as being proud.

I recall my mums face this Christmas Day watching my daughter in her 20’s open the gifts she had bought her. I’ve actually got some photos of it. The love contained in my mums look is overwhelming and you can see her loving gentle heart shining out.

These positive memories help me especially given the space in my brain is having a fight with the memories where mum was poorly and we, as a family, were left helpless to watch her get weaker before passing away. We certainly pampered and made sure she cared for like a ‘princess’ … but, these images of her being ill can make you feel sad so thanks guys for the happy thoughts.

X

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I know what you mean. I have moments where I seem to just relive it all again and it’s so painful. But cherishing the good memories when you can is so important. My daughter had her 3rd birthday a week before my dad died and we went over to my parents’ house so he could watch her open presents. She gravitated straight to him to show him everything & that was so special. And we were lucky to have Christmas Day al together even though my dad was in his bed by then. We went up to see him & he was so thrilled to hear about my children’s presents and what they had been up to. I can look back on those memories in sad times. He was so proud of them both & they made him so happy. You have to remember the good. I do think you have to remember the hard times to process them & work though them but eventually I hope the happy will overtake the sad. X

I’m so sorry for your loss. I understand your pain as I list my dad 8 days ago. I just want you to know you are not alone in your suffering. Peace and love

8 days?! That was such a short time ago. I hope you and you’re family and pulling together as one. Sending lots of love your way xx

It was nice to read about your dad watching the little one open pressies as well as him hearing what they had been up to Christmas.

These are special memories for them and for you to have enjoyed especially given the pleasure and reassurance I feel as I read that you gained from his happiness.

Thank you x

Your loss is very recent with it being just over a week. I still consider my loss recent, with it being not even 5 weeks.

You feel alone but you’re not alone … it’s a real difficult time.

So Robin1864 you are also not alone. Come back anytime and comment, if it helps you, to let us know how you are managing at this difficult time.

Take care x

Thank you- I want to move forward but just cant seem to.