Six months and I still miss her

I don’t think I’ve ever cried so much. I thank everyone for their concern, and love. trouble is, I don’t think I want to get through this, it’s not getting better…

I’m putting a lot on my daughter, but she’s the only reason I’m still here when I want to be with my June

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update: you would think that after 7 months - I should just give up on this shouldn’t I///./ I woke up this morning and did all the checking, house keeping feeding myself, all of the usual things etc. that I would be satisfied and happy that I accomplished something — but no, do you know what ??? I still miss her!!!
I made our bed, put her favorite bedspread on, started the laundry = I know you all have heard this many times - but I do miss her!
Herb (aka. Greencat)

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Dear5 Dave, Sometimes we have to think more of others, our friends, our families, and those of use on this post. We cannot give up - we must have some form of Courage. We cannot let them down! Look, I miss my wife, I could easily take my life and join her — don’t do it! Stick it out. Can’t tell you how, but your nation should be known for this! I share your feelings, friend, I want to give you a bear hug and tell you I love and care for you - but please stick it out - maybe we don’t know the end result - it could be worth it’s weight in diamonds – I’m hurting too. You can do it ! That’s the British spirit!!! Just so you know I do care!!!
Herb (aka. greencat)

Please stay strong, I need support as you do.
Greencat

Greencat. I find that not everyone understands what it is like to lose an extremely caring loving with that shared everything. I was lucky to have one of those people in my life. Everyone’s relationship is different even when married.
I can’t even thinking that I will get to a stage where I could not get upset over missing her.
I guess I’m lucky that she only suffered for 9 days. Although been uncomfortable for a lot longer.
Longest we had ever been apart in 23 years was 3 days and that was hard.
Even though I’m 49 I find it inconceivable that I could find anyone else.
The day before she went she told me not to be alone. Do I’m getting a cat.
I hate life. Every minute of every day and like you Greencat I miss her every minute of every day

Keep well and safe

Hi again Jay, If I were in closer proximity to - I’d invite you to join at the nearest Pub for a Guiness. I’m sure we share a lot together and maybe learn something. (you see, I do have a sense of humor (or at least I try).
It’s funny, I am doing stuff around the house like I will see her again and want everything to be ready.
Who am I kidding? Just goes to show how the mind and heart work sometimes. I loved my wife because I could easily see that she had an abusive husband and another guy that cheated on her, and it showed.
Her family seemed cold and aloof - I had to sort of go out of my way to show her I cared- eventually loved her. Nice story huh??? Meeting her family was met with silence - no cordialities. Her mother was friendly, but she tired out quickly. 23 years you seemed to say you were married - wow how much I envy you. (Don’t get me wrong - I never said we had a marriage made in heaven - we just learned to help each other in the beginning). It’s such a long story - I try to keep it brief but somehow I like to give everyone I communicate with enough description to understand what I describing - I guess that’s why many family members don’t open the subject too much. On the surface I may appear as a quiet guy - but anyone who knows me will tell you different. By the way, you mentioned about getting a cat - we actually had a cat too one time - lately I have been thinking the same. I actually tried a dating site back in February - we had good phone calls till we met for lunch — I could tell that we were not compatible - she told me I was old looking and very ordinary. Yes, I guess the death of my wife took a lot out of me — I remember telling my family and her my wife’s sons that her death had aged me. Anyway, I believe it will be a long while before I commit myself to someone (at least unless I meet a nice friendly woman who is simple and down to earth–(no trendy world travellers for me) — that’s another story - you see I could write a book but then again, if you done it how could I generate interest? Yes, I miss her too much to start dating - the February experience gave me a taste for it. Well, here I go again, getting off the beaten path. Well, take care of yourself - thank you for dropping me a line!
Greencat (a.k.a. Herb)

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Hi Herb. It’s nice to hear and learn about someone. Allison was my first and only love. She was 4 years older but you would never have known. We lived life to the full and loved traveling together wether 30 minutes down the road or a 4 hour flight. She was my everything we were a couple in the best we could ever have been. At least 15 years from retirement we was in the process of decorating the home to sell and move to a bungalow. Everything has now gone. If it wasn’t for her mum I would be ready to join her as I’m now damaged. To have been so much in love and it’s all gone. A sad life

Dear Jay, This almost sounds like my story except we were married for 8 years and had the same plans. We waited a few years before we bought our home. We were flooded out the very first month. WE basically worked hard to furnish it and make into a home. She lived in it for only 4 years and 6 months. She had plans to decorate and improve it. She painted, bought new furnishings etc. She told me a year ago that she loved me and our home. I worked hard on the yard work, repairs and basically finding ways to save money plus we went out each month to a Polish Polka Bar we we learned to Polka dance as well as a few waltzes.
We got to know the patrons (mostly a middle and upper aged group) We got along well with them. When died, there were many who cried, because they remember her being a graceful dancer - she had learned dancing as a child - I just developed courage to learn - besides she always made me look good.
We would exchange stories of our past and family feuds at times. I once had too many beers one night, and slipped on the ice -I was embarassed, she told me don’t worry about it as she helped me into the house. I kept telling her that I felt she really deserved a better man than me because she was so kind and loving to me. After I told her that, she looked me in the eye and told me yes, you do deserve me. She never held a grudge or stopped speaking to me… After she died, I wanted to tell people that I felt at times, that I was married to angel. (That doesn’t mean she was perfect, we had our spats but they never lasted). She just retired and we were going to start living. Life hasn’t been the same since - though I do go thru the motions of caring for myself, the house and doing the family and inlaw stuff. Like I said previously, I didn’t think we were going to fall in love and be married. It just happened that way. We had setbacks, but we had fun too!
If I could do it over again, I would! OK Jay, I will end here for now. Take care!
Herb

Hi Dave, I hope you didn’t think I was ignoring you - just forgot. Hope you’ve been reading along with us.
Herb

Herb
Words fall short to express thoughts and feelings, I will not rehash our marriage etc, but basically the same but a little longer. All the best wishes for the future, its hard to see, had I retained the same feelings and resolved my self and a path forward, Helen and I would not have been.
Colin

I have never experienced such kindness and care. I was so doubtful about this but although you never met my June and don’t know me, you get it.

We hurt. We hurt so bad that I dread waking up. Another empty day.
I have friends who want to help but don’t know what to say. they hurt, but frankly, at the moment, I don’t care about them. My June is gone. Nothing else matters
I’ve redone my Will and am clearing junk from from the attic and garage. i can’t touch her stuff yet. When my time comes, hopefully soon, everything will be organised so my daughter won’t have to.
Thank you all, it’s not nice reading of your hurt and pain, but somehow it’s comforting to know that there are people who understand what I’m going through without having to say it. I just want her back

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Thanks Dave, Your last line is what I say every day “I want her back” I miss her totally. Yes, I’m doing the same. I’m clearing out stuff and re-organizing. I told my wife’s sons they are welcome to view and take whatever they wish. Well, it looks more like I’m a storage man - My wife did a lot of paint by number and artwork (some of it really nice! ). I have put a few of these drawings in a frame and placed them in strategic spots. I have her sketch pads and canvass paintings and I look at them, I remember most of them .
She had Christmas cards and gifts waiting to be sent or delivered, I took them out for delivery. I don’t hang around too much, because it really makes me sad to tell family and friends about her. I usually make up an excuse about appointments, etc. I must say she really touched my life. I see their tears and then I start in too. You are right about empty days, I had one today. I am not a caring person but I am learning to be like her - she was that way! I’m glad you responded back. My wife was a caring person - she inspired me and I hope I can do that too in her memory. Thanks friend, you made my day. Best Wishes!
Herb

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Thanks Colin, We can only take one day at a time. It’s been nice communicating with people (like you and a few others) that understand each other. I hope you will be OK, and feel free to communicate with us when you can. Thanks for the response!
Herb (a.k.a. Greencat)

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I am not sure where I am, due to Helen contracting the virus and virtually being out of our lives, 24th Jan. for 4 weeks she was not able to talk on a phone (not allowed her phone, kindle, magazines etc.) It took St Valentine’s day to break the ice wall of her ward, ( moved from icu, to ward for virus, on oxygen etc). (April) Then her 70th, I sat outside the ward, to deliver her cards etc (phone), it was 2 days later that we put her on speakerphone for the family to hear. I watched all of our kids go into painful sobbing crying. As did I, it was relief but not?. Independently we had all realised we may never see her again. Then nursing home, return to a different further away hospital, back to the nursing home, (the staff there had not expected Helen back. 19th June it was over.

Now as we slowly move towards her final trip as a family to the crematorium, I believe that we are accepting the reality, blessing her release, and dealing with the creditors, officials, as professionals from our own lifes experience has granted us. It is not easy, it can still be painful and sobbing, as a family we have bonded, whether right or wrong, I am moving on. This Helen and I had discussed. Or maybe we are due the next hurdle etc.

Dear Yorkie, I’ve not been on here for a while, my husband died suddenly in September last year. I’ve seen a few of your posts and my heart goes out to you, because I know that you will be feeling all the things I felt, and I wouldn’t want anybody to go through that. It’s 9 months since my world collapsed. Like you he was taken suddenly . I never got to say goodbye. For a while I was insensible…grief knocked me flat. But with the help of my amazing friends I somehow kept going. I just want to reach out and to tell you that the pain will change. What you’re feeling now…the fear and sadness will lessen. I still miss my Tim with every fibre of my being…and I still tell him I love him every night. I still cry a little most days…but in between I can function. I’m beginning to make my life alone . I feel a bit like a mole emerging out of the ground after many months in the dark…what I will say is this…it is the worst pain ever, you’re frightened and lonely and sad. But inside of you, there’s you. And you have the strength and courage to make it through.

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Colin, I read this post just now - it was sad to read. The end to anybody’s life and observing the grief a family must fee’ especially the spouse, in this case. 19th of June is not that far away. Almost a month, for me it was on Christmas - I was invited to my wife’s, sons home. I really felt out of place while the grand kids had treats and then opened present. I just about broke down when my wife’s present was given to the grand kids. I can identify with you Colin, just that my experience was a little different. For me, I sometimes think I have adjusted and getting back to normal, but I can honestly say it hasn’t. I am OK at times, doing things I need to do, and as long as I’m busy doing things I’m OK temporareily. I get moments when I am thinking of our experiences, and then the sadness enters. My wife just dropped dead in front of me. I have lost ever since. This site helps. Stay well!
Herb

In other words, I try not to think of it, but want to honor her memory. That’s why I posted her artwork, but in a minimum manner. Certainly, I try to treat everyone kindly, have no problem saying thank you to everyone - that’s what I learned from my wife. It’s not always easy, but I am trying. She was a lovely person — I miss her so much!
Herb

Herb there will be a day, or two, when you will get yourself back, only an improvement that will be the best memorial to your wife.

I feel like I’m working on it - but progress is very slow in coming. On the other hand, I do have some good days, But the progress is slow.
Thanks,
Herb