Slowly losing it.

Hi one and all. First time on here.I lost my father to vascular dementia four weeks ago, he had been I’ll for two years. I live at home with mom and dad and saw his decline first hand. When he initially died I went into auto pilot and handled all the arrangements etc single handed. Now I’m back at work, I’m falling apart. I teach brickwork in prison and I’m trying not to breakdown. Help!

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Hi,
I lost my Mum two years ago so you’d think I’d be getting over it by now. Trouble is I feel just as awful now as I did when she died, tbh it’s not every day and probably I cry less but I miss her as much now as I did when it happened.
My mother had terminal cancer and choose to spend her last days at home and like you I was there throughout with her and my Dad although I’m married and have two daughters, I was exceptionally close to my parents as my husband had worked away since my girls were small.
I too made all the arrangements as my father was diagnosed with Lewey Body dementia shortly before my Mum was diagnosed and both he and my brother pretty left everything up to me and I found it helpful in a way to remain busy and focused.
Of course, when everything was done, I was left with the reality that my entire life had changed beyond recognition.
I felt nobody understood, not my husband, nor my daughters, my brother’s relationship with our parents was completely different to mine so he really didn’t feel the same way either.
I felt totally bereft and on top of that I was the sole carer pretty much for my Dad who went downhill really quickly.
He’s now in permanent care as needs round the clock care which I couldn’t give him.
I still miss my Mum (really both my parents) dreadfully, I don’t think that’ll ever change, there isn’t a day I don’t think about her and some days are better than others.
I’m probably not making you feel better but I guess the best I can say is it’s early days and grief is different for everybody so you may find that you feel more able to cope sooner rather than later. However you’re not alone in how you feel, there’s not one way to feel and I hope you feel better soon x

Dear RS02

Stay with your inner strength. You are working. That in itself is a mark of strength. You’ve made Dad proud all ready by taking care of his arrangements Now you have dear Mum to to take care of. That’s another honour in its self. Be the amazing daughter your Dad knew you were all along.

Dear RS02

Stay with your inner strength. You are working. That in itself is a mark of strength. You’ve made Dad proud all ready by taking care of his arrangements Now you have dear Mum to to take care of. That’s another honour in its self. Be the amazing daughter your Dad knew you were all along.

First off I’m a man, but thanks for your kindness x

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Thank you for your kindness. I totally understand what you’re saying. I watched my father disappeare as the man I knew. Then seeing him die and dead and carried out in a body bag is the image burnt into my brain!

You’re welcome, I know exactly what you mean, it was awful watching my mum succumb to cancer but in the end it was quite quick and her mind was there so even when she was feeling awful she could hold a conversation and still even had her sense of humour.
It seems far worse sometimes with Dad as he sometimes forgets who we are, even the girls who he absolutely adored. He’s literally a shadow of the man he was and that’s so sad x

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Oh I’M SO SORRY MY FRIEND. So many women are using our site that me in my stupidity assumed you were too and your user name didn’t give me any clue as to your gender. Apologies again

The things we have to do after their passing keep us focused, you only start to grieve after, but I’ve also found that it comes at the most inconvenient time, like work or maybe shopping.

I’ve been trying to allow myself to cry and feel the pain when it’s convenient in the hope it’ll stop happening at any time, I’m not crying as often at work so hopefully it’ll work.

Amanda x

Hey ROS2, i was a lot like u, but I did have a lot of help in planning the funeral. It was before, I did most of the looking after, and in turn, most of the bonding, in a weird way.

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