Snowed in and feeling very isolated…….

Anyone else feeling the isolation with this dreadful weather? My dear husband passed away in November 2017, I try to get out and about most days to help me cope with my loss and sadness. I’ll visit friends and relatives, or they sometimes visit me. I go for a walk or do a little shopping. None of it feels easy, but being home all day and all night is daunting. Over the past few days, the weather has meant I can’t get out, so much snow and ice. I’ve kept busy inside the house, cleaning and tidying, but the days feel very long and the nights even longer! Decided to contact my online community for a little support and comfort, as it helps me so much to hear from others who understand the feeling…… Thanks everyone x

Hi there,
It must be really difficult to be so hemmed in and isolated in this way, especially feeling as we all do on here. Do you live in a remote part of the country? It is freezing here in London so I can only imagine how it is in rural areas or up in Scotland or the North. I think the forecast is pretty bad for tomorrow but after that, it should start to warm up. Let’s hope so.
If you are feeling lonely, come back on here for a chat.
Hugs
Ann x

Thank you Ann, thats lovely of you to respond.
I’m in the Midlands, near the Peak District, its quite heavy snow here. My car isn’t great in snow, so I am a bit stranded!
I think the forecast is bad for overnight and into tomorrow and then a little better after that, I’m hoping so, then I’ll be out and about again.
In a strange way, the time in the house has probably been good for me, I’ve had time to reflect a little, grieve some more and write in my journal. For me, writing in a daily journal helps to get my thoughts out of my head, I find it quite therapeutic.
Sending you best wishes Ann and a big hug……Elaine x

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Hi Ann & Elaine

I too am stuck in like you. I went out yesterday and slipped on the ice. Have now had my head glued together and been told to rest for the next five days. How I miss my husband - he would have brought me a cup of tea and taken care of me. Not doing much today but hoping to get on with some paperwork etc tomorrow. At least the phone calls from family have resumed again which shows they do care.

Thinking of you both and please take care when you do go out again.

Yvonne x

Oh no Yvonne - you must be feeling rotten today. Yes, we all dread being without our other halves when we are unwell or need their support, so you’re doing well to be getting on with things. Glad the family have been in touch with you.
Stay warm.
Ann x

Hello, After You. I think we are all in the same position. I am 75 years old, I don’t drive and if I did I could not get out of the street as it is a steep hill and the snow is so thick so it is impossible and I will not risk walking in case I fall. I lost my husband just over three years ago and still grieve for him and the loneliness is devastating. I always ensure I have plenty of food and drinks in all year round in case I am taken ill or in this case, stuck inside due to the weather. I am watching film after film and just taking it easy, but I find myself wandering around the house aimlessly.

I need to go into town but our bus route is quite a walk away and is every hour on the hour and sometimes never turns up, taxis are refusing to come where I live due to the bad conditions which would mean me walking to the main road and waiting for it which again is not very near so I am stuck, so I am stopping in.

I haven’t heard from our two sons or daughter-in-law since it snowed on Tuesday, I have rung, emailed and text them but no reply so I am wondering if everything is ok, I suppose they would get in touch if it wasn’t. I think I feel sorry for myself as no-one has checked to see if I am okay as I have been ill for the past week and am on antibiotics for a bad chest.

Take care and keep warm, the snow can’t last forever but grief can.

Love Sheila xxxx

Hi Lonely

I hope you are feeling a bit better. Chest infections can be painful. I too am stuck indoors watching films. We always expect more from our family and when they let us down we are disappointed. We can either let them know how we feel or more often than not we just say nothing as we don’t want to cause a rift. I do think it’s a bit bad when they don’t respond to a text or email. ( They can’t be that busy and what if it was a real emergency?) I do think you deserve an explanation - how long does it take to send a text? It’s Mother’s Day in ten days time - maybe that day will give them time to reflect on how lucky they are to still have you in their lives.

Take care of yourself and don’t venture out until you are well and the snow has gone.

Yvonne x

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Hi Yvonne, Thats a shame, I hope you are feeling okay.
I know what you mean about that “cup of tea”, my husband always bought me a drink in the morning and we’d lie in bed and we were always surprised at how much we had to talk about, even though we’d discussed lots before we’d gone to sleep the night before! Oh how I miss the love and conversation.
You are right, the telephone calls do help, don’t they.
I have lovely neighbours too, and the lady next door is coming round later for a little natter, that will help me to get through today.
Look after yourself Yvonne, you have lots of online friends here, who are wishing you well x

Hi Sheila, I am so sorry that you are finding it difficult to get out and about, its so hard isn’t it?

So pleased you are organised and have lots of food and drinks in ~ that makes a lot of sense, and I think its something I need to think about ~ so thank you for that.

I think family are just so busy, the pace of life is very fast.
I would very tactfully remind them that a quick reply to a text or email doesn’t cost anything, juts a little time and consideration. It would also put your mind at rest that they are all okay.

Keep warm and take care of yourself Sheila, you have people who care and know how you are feeling within this online community. Big hug ~ Elaine x

Hello Yvonne, thank you for replying. Yes all I get are text messages, no phone calls, they know my eyes keep playing up and sending and reading texts is awkward for me. I remember when Peter was rushed into hospital the night before he died, I tried to ring them both but it went to voicemail, as per usual, so I had to leave a message saying that their dad was seriously ill. What did they do, they both text me asking me what the problem was. I had the ambulance men carrying Peter out, I had the responder helping them and me locking up so I could go with them. There was no way on this earth I could text them back so I left it, they sent another text which I ignored then finally, they rang me and said, mum we were texting you why did you not reply. I gave them it with both barrels, I told them their dad was dying in front of me and all they could do was flaming text me and expect me to text back. I told them to get themselves down to the hospital. Peter died the following afternoon with us all around him.

Yes, I agree, we do keep our mouths shut as we are afraid of confrontation, but I honestly don’t know why because I do everything for them, buy our grandchildren clothes, take them out for the weekends but no-one does anything for me, I pay for gardeners and DIY men and do online shopping, they don’t know they are born. In 12 years of child minding in school holidays and at week-ends, not one of our daughters-in-law have bought me a bunch of flowers to say thank you. Luckily they are now divorced and my new daughter-in-law is fantastic.

When I think of the years I looked after my mum and did everything for her, and she did the same for her mum I wonder if the youth of today don’t care about family values anymore.

Sorry for the rant.

Love
Sheila

Thank you Elaine,

One of these days I will send them a text and say ‘your mum died three days ago and left all her money to the cat and dogs home’.

That will sort the beggars out.

I honestly don’t think they even consider what they are doing is inconsiderate, they have busy lives but have no idea what it was like for us when we were their age. I don’t know about you but I had to take care of my mum, take her shopping, take her on holidays, bring her to our house and take her home again and she was only in her 60’s as my dad died when he was 55 so it fell on me and Peter to look after her. We did her garden, painted her house, (no UPVC windows then) decorated inside her house. We just did it because we loved her it was that simple, we did it until she died 19 years ago aged 85. All I get told is, mum, we have busy lives and cannot always ring and text you. But I see them on Facebook leaving their friends messages and it really annoys me to put it politely.

I pay for gardeners, DIY men, electricians and decorators. Our eldest son aged 48 came to my house and started to wash his car, I was outside trimming the hedge and sweeping up, I have a large garden, and not once did he say, leave it mum, I will do it, Then he expects his tea making.

Our sons are in their late 40’s but act like teenagers and it is about time they grew up, because one day, I will have emigrated to Australia without telling them.

Sorry for the rant, they really annoy me sometimes.

I am baking bread at the moment for my homemade soup for tea.

Love Sheilaxx

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Hi Sheila, Home made bread and soup, that sounds wonderful. Hope you enjoy it, its all very healthy and perfect in this cold weather………

I think our generation did take care of our elderly parents, we felt responsible for them, we loved them and therefore helped them as much as we could. Today, it does seem a little different.

As you say, your sons probably don’t even think they are being a bit inconsiderate.

You sound a very competent, organised lady, and maybe they just think “Mum is coping really well” ~ I don’t know, but maybe once in a while if you asked for some occasional help with something specific, they’d realise how you feel.

Take care and very best wishes……Elaine

It’s a generation thing I thinkm I lost my mum 9 weeks ago tomorrow but my son’s don’t call or ask how I am. My daughter lives in Shanghai and does message me a few times but mostly just tells me to get on and let it go. I suppose when we pass they may be sad for a day if we are lucky.

I do find being alone at home gives me time to think and to grieve and although it hurts I know how lucky I was to have such a wonderful mum and I know she appreciated my help with her dementia. I am divorced from my children’s father but have a new husband they give much more time and visit him more because I left him and give him compassion. Obviously we must come across as strong and not needing them. I suppose we should be proud of our strength and tenacity but it does hurt. But anger only hurts us not them. Take care and rant over here as we understand you x

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Thank you Elaine and Rubyrip, I think you are right. Our eldest son said to me a few weeks ago that he finds it unbelievable that he has to sort out all his 45 year old girlfriends insurances, his ex wife’s insurances, his ex mother-in-laws insurances when his own 75 year old mother does it all herself. He also said I honestly don’t have to bother about you as you are self sufficient.

So perhaps you have hit the nail on the head, because they know I am self sufficient and can do things on my own, but, just once in a while it would be nice to receive a text or a phone call to ask me how I am. I have had a bulb out at the top of the stairs now for three weeks, but it is right over the stairs so there is no way I can get a ladder so near the stairs to change it. I have asked them a few times now and they say, I will do it the next time I come which is not very often unless I am child-minding, but then they don’t have time. I am going up and down the stairs in the dark.

I am too embarrassed to ask a neighbour to do it for me when I have two 6 ft 4 ins sons who haven’t the time, and I refuse to get an electrician in to change a lightbulb.

It is terrible here, icy winds. Got to put out the wheelie bins just in case the bin men come.

Take care everyone.

Love Sheila xxxx

Please don’t feel too proud to ask a neighbour they would probably love to help. I have elderly neighbours who are quite self sufficient and I felt I may insult them when it snowed last time in asking them if they need anything but they were really pleased. So perhaps your neighbours feel the same that you will be insulted I have told our neighbours to ask if they ever need help with something. Our neighbours are probably more of a life line than our family. Sometimes we have to open the gaye and let others in. Ideal time to ask as snowy they wouldn’t expect your son’s to come out in this. Give it a go they can only say no and you shouldn’t be going up stairs in the dark. Keep warm x

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Thank you Rubyrip. I don’t see my neighbours from one month to the next in the winter. They are all in their 50’s and still working so I don’t want to be asking for favours.

I use a torch on a night to go up and down the stairs so until the bulb gets changed I am okay.

Thank you for your concern.

Sheila xxxx

Morning Sheila, hope you are coping okay. We have less snow here, but the wind is pretty strong, with drifts here and there. It looks icy too, so I think I’ll be staying put today, how many more cupboards can I tidy!!! I’ll keep busy, with something……. Sheila, I’ll be thinking about you today and hoping that you are safe and warm. I do think Rubyrip is right, you need to get the light bulb changed on the stairs, its not nice to go to bed at night with a torch. Look after yourself and stay in touch….Elaine

Hi Sheila hope you are OK perhaps you should ring the children and check that they are okay and use reverse psycology on them. I am just going to text my boys and make sure they are okay as they haven’t asked me lol. Keep warm and safe. X

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Thank yuou, I have text them every day for four days. They text me back yesterday to say they have been very busy at work and hoped I was okay. I told them I had been ill with flu like symptoms so they told me to take care and not go out. I also text my daughter in law to she if she was ok and she told me her mum had been staying for a few days so they are also okay. I haven’t seen anyone whatsoever for two weeks, even the postman hasn’t been due to the weather. Thank goodness I have plenty of food and drinks in otherwise I would have been in a real mess as the supermarkets haven’t been able to deliver where I live. I have been making my own bread and soup as I ran out of bread. I am thankful I am self sufficient and apart from this cold I am perfectly fit. I have enough food and drink in for quite a few weeks yet.

I suppose it is something we have to get used to when they have their own families, we are way down the pecking order, not like the good old days when we actually took care of our parents.

You take care, it should be getting warmer next week.

Love Sheila xx

Hi Sheila

Two weeks without seeing anyone - that is awful. Thank goodness you have enough food and drink in to keep you going. In this day and age with all the technology around no-one should feel isolated. I know your family have now been in touch but when things are ‘back to normal’ perhaps you could suggest they FaceTime you on a regular basis. Maybe your grandaughter who us 12 could keep in contact that way too. They are very lucky that you are Computer savvy and so self sufficient but however busy they are they should be able to spend a couple of minutes a day just to say ‘Hi, how are you?’. I used to ring my Mum every day at 6pm just to see how she was and to ask about her day. We both looked forward to the calls.

Yvonne

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