Snowed in and feeling very isolated…….

Anyone else feeling the isolation with this dreadful weather? My dear husband passed away in November 2017, I try to get out and about most days to help me cope with my loss and sadness. I’ll visit friends and relatives, or they sometimes visit me. I go for a walk or do a little shopping. None of it feels easy, but being home all day and all night is daunting. Over the past few days, the weather has meant I can’t get out, so much snow and ice. I’ve kept busy inside the house, cleaning and tidying, but the days feel very long and the nights even longer! Decided to contact my online community for a little support and comfort, as it helps me so much to hear from others who understand the feeling…… Thanks everyone x

Hi there,
It must be really difficult to be so hemmed in and isolated in this way, especially feeling as we all do on here. Do you live in a remote part of the country? It is freezing here in London so I can only imagine how it is in rural areas or up in Scotland or the North. I think the forecast is pretty bad for tomorrow but after that, it should start to warm up. Let’s hope so.
If you are feeling lonely, come back on here for a chat.
Hugs
Ann x

Thank you Ann, thats lovely of you to respond.
I’m in the Midlands, near the Peak District, its quite heavy snow here. My car isn’t great in snow, so I am a bit stranded!
I think the forecast is bad for overnight and into tomorrow and then a little better after that, I’m hoping so, then I’ll be out and about again.
In a strange way, the time in the house has probably been good for me, I’ve had time to reflect a little, grieve some more and write in my journal. For me, writing in a daily journal helps to get my thoughts out of my head, I find it quite therapeutic.
Sending you best wishes Ann and a big hug……Elaine x

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Hi Ann & Elaine

I too am stuck in like you. I went out yesterday and slipped on the ice. Have now had my head glued together and been told to rest for the next five days. How I miss my husband - he would have brought me a cup of tea and taken care of me. Not doing much today but hoping to get on with some paperwork etc tomorrow. At least the phone calls from family have resumed again which shows they do care.

Thinking of you both and please take care when you do go out again.

Yvonne x

Oh no Yvonne - you must be feeling rotten today. Yes, we all dread being without our other halves when we are unwell or need their support, so you’re doing well to be getting on with things. Glad the family have been in touch with you.
Stay warm.
Ann x

Hi Lonely

I hope you are feeling a bit better. Chest infections can be painful. I too am stuck indoors watching films. We always expect more from our family and when they let us down we are disappointed. We can either let them know how we feel or more often than not we just say nothing as we don’t want to cause a rift. I do think it’s a bit bad when they don’t respond to a text or email. ( They can’t be that busy and what if it was a real emergency?) I do think you deserve an explanation - how long does it take to send a text? It’s Mother’s Day in ten days time - maybe that day will give them time to reflect on how lucky they are to still have you in their lives.

Take care of yourself and don’t venture out until you are well and the snow has gone.

Yvonne x

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Hi Yvonne, Thats a shame, I hope you are feeling okay.
I know what you mean about that “cup of tea”, my husband always bought me a drink in the morning and we’d lie in bed and we were always surprised at how much we had to talk about, even though we’d discussed lots before we’d gone to sleep the night before! Oh how I miss the love and conversation.
You are right, the telephone calls do help, don’t they.
I have lovely neighbours too, and the lady next door is coming round later for a little natter, that will help me to get through today.
Look after yourself Yvonne, you have lots of online friends here, who are wishing you well x

Hi Sheila, I am so sorry that you are finding it difficult to get out and about, its so hard isn’t it?

So pleased you are organised and have lots of food and drinks in ~ that makes a lot of sense, and I think its something I need to think about ~ so thank you for that.

I think family are just so busy, the pace of life is very fast.
I would very tactfully remind them that a quick reply to a text or email doesn’t cost anything, juts a little time and consideration. It would also put your mind at rest that they are all okay.

Keep warm and take care of yourself Sheila, you have people who care and know how you are feeling within this online community. Big hug ~ Elaine x

Hi Sheila, Home made bread and soup, that sounds wonderful. Hope you enjoy it, its all very healthy and perfect in this cold weather………

I think our generation did take care of our elderly parents, we felt responsible for them, we loved them and therefore helped them as much as we could. Today, it does seem a little different.

As you say, your sons probably don’t even think they are being a bit inconsiderate.

You sound a very competent, organised lady, and maybe they just think “Mum is coping really well” ~ I don’t know, but maybe once in a while if you asked for some occasional help with something specific, they’d realise how you feel.

Take care and very best wishes……Elaine

It’s a generation thing I thinkm I lost my mum 9 weeks ago tomorrow but my son’s don’t call or ask how I am. My daughter lives in Shanghai and does message me a few times but mostly just tells me to get on and let it go. I suppose when we pass they may be sad for a day if we are lucky.

I do find being alone at home gives me time to think and to grieve and although it hurts I know how lucky I was to have such a wonderful mum and I know she appreciated my help with her dementia. I am divorced from my children’s father but have a new husband they give much more time and visit him more because I left him and give him compassion. Obviously we must come across as strong and not needing them. I suppose we should be proud of our strength and tenacity but it does hurt. But anger only hurts us not them. Take care and rant over here as we understand you x

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Please don’t feel too proud to ask a neighbour they would probably love to help. I have elderly neighbours who are quite self sufficient and I felt I may insult them when it snowed last time in asking them if they need anything but they were really pleased. So perhaps your neighbours feel the same that you will be insulted I have told our neighbours to ask if they ever need help with something. Our neighbours are probably more of a life line than our family. Sometimes we have to open the gaye and let others in. Ideal time to ask as snowy they wouldn’t expect your son’s to come out in this. Give it a go they can only say no and you shouldn’t be going up stairs in the dark. Keep warm x

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Morning Sheila, hope you are coping okay. We have less snow here, but the wind is pretty strong, with drifts here and there. It looks icy too, so I think I’ll be staying put today, how many more cupboards can I tidy!!! I’ll keep busy, with something……. Sheila, I’ll be thinking about you today and hoping that you are safe and warm. I do think Rubyrip is right, you need to get the light bulb changed on the stairs, its not nice to go to bed at night with a torch. Look after yourself and stay in touch….Elaine

Hi Sheila hope you are OK perhaps you should ring the children and check that they are okay and use reverse psycology on them. I am just going to text my boys and make sure they are okay as they haven’t asked me lol. Keep warm and safe. X

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Hi Sheila

Two weeks without seeing anyone - that is awful. Thank goodness you have enough food and drink in to keep you going. In this day and age with all the technology around no-one should feel isolated. I know your family have now been in touch but when things are ‘back to normal’ perhaps you could suggest they FaceTime you on a regular basis. Maybe your grandaughter who us 12 could keep in contact that way too. They are very lucky that you are Computer savvy and so self sufficient but however busy they are they should be able to spend a couple of minutes a day just to say ‘Hi, how are you?’. I used to ring my Mum every day at 6pm just to see how she was and to ask about her day. We both looked forward to the calls.

Yvonne

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Dear Sheila,

I have just read your latest online contribution ~ I am really saddened by your situation.

I’m wondering if you have thought about joining any sort of group, where you could make new friends who live locally ~ U3A or a Friendship Club? I know it isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but it might mean you will meet people who are in the same situation as you and you could keep an eye on each other.

Its only a suggestion, but just someone who makes occasional contact with you, to see how you’re doing would make the world of difference to your situation.

At the moment, I am fortunate, I have friends, family and neighbours who are helping me out, but I’m only three months down the road since my dear husband passed. I am realistic enough to know that eventually the kindness of people close to me may not continue, as everyone has their own lives to live.

I have tentatively enquired about my local U3A and its something I may try in the future. I joined a Pilates group at the local community centre, and that has been wonderful, as I’ve made a couple of new friends and we occasionally go walking to the local pub for a coffee. Everything feels difficult for me to do, but I’m taking little steps……

See how you feel when the weather gets a bit better, its maybe worth consideration.
Keep warm and take care ~ thinking of you ~ Elaine xx

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“Brillliant” xx

Hi Sheila

That’s great news. So glad you have found some confidence to speak up for yourself. It’s time for you to put yourself and your needs first. I’m sure your family will come around and be able to find alternative childcare when they need to. They will no longer take you for granted and be a bit more thoughtful. I’m sure Peter would be proud of you.

Yvonne

Hi Sheila

I understand exactly what you mean about becoming an ‘old woman’ because of grieving, It is like we have been plunged into old age by becoming widows. When Geoff was here I never felt like that, he wouldn’t have let me feel that way. We always mixed with younger people and never acknowleged our true ages. Like you I never said no to anyone but now we have to take time for ourselves. it’s difficult to know where to start. I’m still taking one day at a time.

Yvonne

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Yes you are not alone and today it snowed again and the feeling of oh no, I want to get out, was very strong. But just think spring is just around the corner and then summer. Keeping busy is the best way to bet the feelings and having things planned helps. Don’t worry, you are never the only one with these feelings and tomorrow is another day. Keep smiling.