My beloved husband passed away almost 5 weeks ago. He was 53 and it was so sudden and unexpected, he hadnt been poorly so what happened, why him. I still dont know as tests are still ongoing.
We both did separate errands that morning.
He returned 20 minutes before me, went to sleep and never woke up.
I tried with CPR and when the ambulances arrived they tried for another hour but he was gone.
We had a funeral and i have brought his ashes home so he is with me for christmas.
I have muddled my way through these almost 5 weeks which has felt like months.
I have lots of family around for support but not during the evenings.
I miss our chats and cuddles. We had different interests but we were always together.
He worked night shift some weeks so sleeping in the bed alone is not an issue however i am sleeping a lot, i have read that this is to try and escape what has happened.
I can’t believe he is not here with me.
Some days i think he is just at work then it hits me again
Sorry for the long post but my brain is all over the place, i just had to write it somewhere
It is 12 weeks since my husband died suddenly and I absolutely recognize what you are describing. The sense of disbelief is something that for me, has persisted since his death and when it hits me that he has actually gone, I enter a very dark and lonely place. I have done a lot of reading about grief and I have tried to follow some of the advice that exists. I try to make sure that I eat properly and that I get some exercise most if not every day. I take any support I’m offered and I visit this site regularly though very rarely post anything. I also have started doing some guided meditation which is helping a lot. One of the key issues for me in the first few weeks as well as the shock and disbelief was the utter panic and desolation I experienced if I started thinking about my future without him. I now try to stay in the present as much as possible (helped massively by the meditation) reminding myself that we only have the now and there is no certainty about anything beyond that.
I am finding after 3 months that I do have good days and sometimes a string of good days - by which I mean that I am starting to believe that there is a point to my life and I can survive. It is hard and it is painful but we are all here for each other. Much love and hugs,
Its 8wks since i lost my husband. He died of cancer, he was 60 he would have been 61 next week, i understood what you are going though its horrid towards the end my hubby was in and out of hospital but i still carnt get use to sleeping alone so i dont sleep much. The doctor put me on antidepressants but i don’t want to be taking them for ever. Im sure you will get there in the end just take one day at a time.