Hi - hope you don’t mind me joining in. I’ve not experienced suicide but (regrettably) I have experienced death (the latest being my my younger sister who passed away a few weeks ago). I’m really just writing here to reinforce the post-funeral point. My sister had an amazing send off but since the day people have literally disappeared. Before the funeral I, and my sister’s poor family, were inundated with visitors. Since the funeral there has been a palpable silence. I agree with Babs that some simply do not know how to address the issue - those of us who’ve experienced significant and painful loss, however, understand all too well that the most difficult time is after the funeral. Good luck to all - be strong and don’t be frightened to talk…
I’ve been advised not to make any big or important decisions for at least a year. But I can’t, even if I wanted to, as his estate is going through probate, and that takes ages. As is getting his pensions sorted out. It’s been endless paperwork and questions.
It still seems like suicide is a bit of a taboo subject, but to me, mental health issues need talking about , just like any other illness. I understand now why depression is called the ’ hidden illness " especially in men who , like my DH , wouldn’t talk.
Some days, in the past 5 weeks , it feels like I’m going 1 step forward but 2 backwards. I’m sure you all understand that feeling too…x
You are right, before my DH funeral there seemed to be visitors most days, in fact sometimes it got to much and I was feeling overwhelmed. but now 2 weeks later it’s like they seem to have decided it’s time to move on. Get over it…stop talking about it and upsetting us, get out more, etc…I wish it was that easy. It’s now I need people around me, as my reality is so different from the life we had planned. The sense of loneliness after being a couple for 35 years is awful.
I’m sorry you have also suffered a big loss , it must be so hard for you. I’ve not lost any siblings yet, just my dad, who died 4 years ago. X
My parents have been gone a while - both died very young - their passing was painful but nothing like losing my little sister. I feel and see your loss Babs - my sister was also married for 30+ years and her husband doesn’t know what to do with himself. I spend a lot of time with him and with his family but I’m not a professional and sometimes I feel so powerless to help. As I mentioned in my profile, although I have a family I also feel lonely beyond belief - my mum, dad and sister have now all gone and when I look at old family photos I am hit with the realisation that I’m the only one left of the original family unit. I do hope for your sake that you get through this and that friends and family rally round to give you the help and support you need x
You are so right I think that people think that once the funeral is over that you should get back to normal but the reality is that is when you need people. The funeral is just the start of a long process of grieving and then to add to the mix a huge amount of paperwork which requires dealt with. I just wish I could turn back time.
I think that some people just need someone to blame because they don’t understand instead of sticking together. I did get a say in the funeral although I was in a different planet while organising it. I think that losing a partner or husband had to be the worst feeling in the world.
It is the worst feeling…ive never known pain like it
I just wish I had the chance to say goodbye it just doesn’t feel real, everyday you expect to see them or just hear there voice. I have no words left.
Me too… it will be 7 weeks tomorrow and I still can’t believe it… I miss him so much. It hurts so much. All I ask myself is why??
The only way I can get through is to hope that he is now at peace. Please don’t beat yourself up 7 weeks is no time at all. If you need to cry or scream tomorrow just do it as Babs said it is a way of releasing stress.
Loosing parents is difficult, we grow up with them being there, we get used to that. Then when they die , it’s awful, as big part of our life’s spent with them . I still have my mum , but she is 80 now, so I know one day I will loose her too.
I can understand how your b - i - l feels, lost and bewildered and lonely. That’s me. I’ve not seen a person since sat afternoon, can’t get used to this and the house being so quiet either. I’m dog sitting my sons pooch here tomorrow and he can make me smile just by wagging his tail…not quite the same as a human being though…x
I wish that too. To hear him , see and speak to him is all I want .
I actually had no post today , thankfully , as all I seem to get is more forms to fill in or post still addressed to him…I started probate last Friday, that’s going to take 6 - 8 weeks to sort out, along with his pensions. I will be so relieved when it’s all sorted out though.
Then I have to think about getting his ashes and what to do with them, something I never imagined doing at 55…x
Hi I do hope that you can get probate sorted in 6-8 weeks I am a year down the line and it is still not finalised. I agree the no end of paperwork is just horrendous and the fact that people obviously read off a script is not helpful. Doing it at any age is not good I was 39 when it happened. Please take comfort in puppy I have a Newfoundland and he has been my saving grace.
It’s my worst nightmare…im 30 …he was the love of my life and left me to spend the rest of my life alone. You don’t have to decide what to do with his ashes yet. I don’t even have my fiance’s ashes…his mother has them. I’ve had to accept this but I’ve just got a lovely memorial bench in his memory where I go a lot
You’re right Babs - human interaction and acts of kindness from others are what keeps us going and is therefore what we need. I’m pleased the dog sitting will provide some light in the short term at least - lost, bewildered and lonely is a perfect description. x
I just wanted to make sure you were both ok been thinking about you both. I remember those early weeks.
I went to a support group last night which I found helpful. I’m just in a daze most of the time and trying to keep busy but as soon as I stop I just cry
Crying is a natural release it is still early days please do not be to hard on yourself.
I’m also going to start going to a group, with my children, as we are all struggling to cope with this, and we hope that talking to others who have been through the ordeal of suicide, will help us. I collected his ashes today, that was really hard, knowing what was in the containers… at the moment I can’t look at them so they are in a wardrobe in the spare room. I want to give myself time to decide what to do with them. It all gets to much at times. I’ve had delays with paperwork, so probate is going to take much longer to sort out. And I hate living by myself too. I have music in every room, but it’s not the same as my hubby being here with me… I’m nearly at 7 weeks and it’s still so raw and painful. X
Seven weeks is no time to deal with the situation you and your family have to go through please give yourself time. Unfortunately time is all we have and it is a long road with a huge amount of heartache and pain. Take care xx