Still only two weeks but seems like I haven’t seen my beautiful son for a lifetime. I just want to hug him.
I feel he is in my heart but when i do anything normal i feel so emotional and cry and miss him.
I watch tv all the time and my husband goes out as he just likes to drive.
Feel i must do day to day jobs but it feels so alien and that i shoukd just sit and watch tv.
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I feel for you especially in the very early days and weeks. I too felt the same, used to count the days and weeks. I still like to smell his clothes I have…his hoodies. My brain was like fog and found writing daily basic jobs to do a help. I have also started writing a daily private journal, about anything, how I feel, weather etc. I find that helps…maybe worth a try. If someone said you would get good days I would never of believed them but yes you do get a good day as time goes on…unfortunately the days I have good I then feel guilty. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour and keep talking on her. Without this forum I would loose the plot completely. We are all in different stages of this horrendous grief, I’m nearly 6 months into this hell, but I have found wonderful people on here and some good coping strategies. Take care xx
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Thank you
I’m not sure what I said is any help, only how I deal with this hell. I loose myself by exercising a lot, seems to help. I don’t speak to many people…my choice as I can’t cope with it and stupid comments…well I think they are stupid comments. I have found each time I have a melt down I come back stronger and harder. I have no tolerance for petty niff naff things. I never thought I would ever leave the house again but gradually I have, most of the time with my partner. I have found having your mobile and sun glasses with you are a great asset. I can hide eyes from crying and pretend to be talking or doing something with my phone…crazy it sounds but it works😀. I have been given these tips by other members. Unfortunately people who are not in this hell do not have a clue on how hard it is even to do a basic daily thing. My friend is a nurse and she told me to write everything you need to try and do that day, even like having a wash, cleaning your teeth, I had to do this and it worked for me. Maybe worth a try, it’s how I managed and we all cope different. Take care xx
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Still such early days . You are in no man’s land .
The world keeps turning . Others go about there business and you are in this awful nightmare .
The pain will never end but the suffering will ease .
Don’t be too hard on yourself . If you want to stay in bed or watch tv all day then do it .
Do whatever gets you through.
You still be in shock .
Be gentle with yourself
Things I’ve found helps are getting out for a short walk each day and writing in this forum .
Here you realise you are not alone and seeing how others get through this gives us some hope .
xx
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Also doing ‘normal’ things will feel Allen because normal has gone .
We have to try and live in this horrible new normal.
It’s almost like we have two lives . Before and after .
xx
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My son’s fiance’s family have said to her she just has to get on with it. I feel hurt by them saying that and its not caring but are they being cruel to be kind?? X
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They may be well meaning but it’s not the sort of thing they should be saying .
Perhaps they think they need to be cruel to be kind but it really doesn’t work where grief is concerned.
We cannot just ‘get on with it ‘ or ‘move on ‘ .
We have to go through this horrible time which has no ending however it will become more bearable .
I’ve learnt are no short cuts when it comes to grief .
If she ‘gets on with lt’ and doesn’t allow herself try grieve it will just cause her more problems later on .
As a society we don’t talk enough about death and grief so we are ill equipped to deal with the bereaved .
People don’t want to have to deal with grieving people as it’s awkward and they don’t know what to say or do so the sooner we are ‘over it and back to normal’ the better .
It’s easier for them if we are ‘ok’
xx
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Ive sent a few people the SOBs professional leaflet on why this type of grief is different , weve lost a child , by their own doing, ive seen some say its only them that are to blame but i cannot accrpt that either, his mind was not rational. Im nearly on week 5, I washed up for the first time yesterday, ive not driven, or mowed the lawn, or cooked a meal since. Only thing ive managed to do is keep the clothes washed. I cannot watch TV or listen to radio, i need silence. I spend alot of time in bed. My husband goes back to work Thursday so i will be forced to do more, but not looking forward to being in house on my own. Ive had no visitors since the funeral and friends have not checked in with me since either.
Taff, I didn’t drive for 8 weeks and even know I get a day when I’m not safe to drive. I’m very selective of what we have on tv as some programs can set me off very easily. Glad you are doing little bits, remember minute by minute for us all. I’m sat sorting photos out onto a memory stick, I look at my sons photos when he was young and think how did it all go so wrong, just like you do. I very rarely see anyone and actually prefer my own company. I’m still doing my daily journal. Take care xx
Hello, two weeks is no time, please please be kind to yourself, do what you feel you can. The raw pain does soften a little more and more. The emotional wavy train i call it, massive ups and downs in the beginning, smaller ones as time passes.
I hope you have supporting family and friends, and this site will give some solace on those days when nothing else works.
Jacqui x