So hard to accept.

I’m new here. 6 months ago my beloved Dad & elder brother died as a result of a house fire. My brother had catastrophic burns & my Dad died 2 days later in ICU. The shock has been unbearable to say the least. At the inquest they determined the cause of the fire was a cigarette end in my brothers room. My Dad & I were very close & I miss him so so much… can’t believe I will never see him or hear his voice again… I’m heartbroken. I’ve been trying to carry on as best I can… there’s a lot that I’ve had to deal with & still lots more to come. There have been times when I’ve thought I’ve been coping a bit better then suddenly I have a meltdown & don’t feel any better at all… it’s like one step forward then two back. I cry everyday. I find it so difficult to talk about… I never feel I can have a conversation about my dear Dad & what happened without crying so much that in the end I think it’s better not to talk about it at all. Not sure this is the right or wrong thing to do though. It’s going to be a long bumpy road accepting what’s happened… at the moment I just try & take each day as it comes. Just needed to get this out that’s all.

Firstly Arabella, it’s ok to cry. Secondly, what you describe about coping one day and then having a meltdown the next is absolutely ‘normal’ for grief. Anyone on this site would tell you that. Unfortunately we all here are familiar with the roller coaster life bereavement brings and it’s painful, so very painful. I am so very sorry for your terrible loss. What a horrendous thing to happen.

You need to talk. My husband died suddenly 17 months ago and I love to talk about him, talk to him. It helps and brings some comfort. I write to him too. You could write to both your dad and your brother, believe me it helps to get your feelings down on paper; whether those feelings be of anger or love. You really need to let it all out.
This site is a good place to start and you’ve already made a start so keep going. We on this site will understand.

Sending love and hugs xx

Thank you Kate for your kind words… it helps so much to be able to share my thoughts & feelings. I’m so sorry for your loss too… I hope… like you… as time goes by I will be able to talk openly about my Dad & what happened. Last week was a bad week for me as it was my Dad’s birthday… I always see him on his birthday but sadly this time my visit was in the cemetery… such a difficult day. I think that’s why I had my meltdown… reality that he’s gone. It’s strange… it seems that once I’ve had a meltdown I somehow gather my strength again for a while till the next one… if that makes sense? I know there will be firsts for lots of things… Christmas will be next. I’m really glad I’ve found this site… Thank you again… xx

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