So it's been 5 months.....

I am 4 sessions in doing EMDR therapy after the death of my Husband, Steve.
This week’s was particularly tough.
I’ve been signed off work for 2 weeks which means I won’t pass the probation on my current job.
My Daughter reached out to me on Thursday & said she’s not coping living in London with her Dad’s death
I’m disabled at present & can’t get out much.
I have friends I can talk to but now things have settled down, like the funeral etc has been done, the grief I feel has increased 200%.
I keep crying. Food makes me feel sick.
The feelings I’m experiencing are hideous & I thought I was doing OK.
Support from family has waned.
I feel very much alone & still in a state of shock.
My dog is being well looked after in her new home but the guilt of letting her go is still breaking my heart.
In short I’m a mess & in a blackness of depression.

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I’m sorry for your loss. This is how I felt and somehow there is a realisation that he is not coming back and the full enormity of what has happened becomes very real. At this point I fell apart. It is twelve months on and there are days when it feels like yesterday. I still cry and miss my H every day but the rawness is less. I wish I could be more positive but we learn to live with an underlying sadness that is always present. I talk to my husband every day and still have all his belongings. I am not ready to let them go. At first I was an emotional wreck and felt detached from everything. I wandered around in a fog and cried most of the day. With the help of my sister because as you say people fall away and carry on with their lives I h ave learned to live with my grief and carry my husband in my heart wherever I am. Keep texting everyone on the forum is lovely and I can honestly say that this is the best help I had. Xx

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Hi Nel, sorry to hear about your Husband…I wonder why it gets tough at the 4 to 5 month mark? I thought I’d be coping better than this…it’s weird. And the fact my Daughter has hit a wall at this point as well…v strange.

It’s because you have been so busy with funeral plans and friends and family coming around to support and suddenly they all go back their lives. We are left with ours and there is that sudden realisation this is it and your husband is not coming back It’s then that we feel the full force of our loss. It’s so hard. Sending hugs keep going and don’t expect too much of yourself. Allow yourself to feel the sadness and cry when it comes. Be gentle on yourself x

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Firstly I’m so sorry for your loss.
I am at a similar stage, nearly 5 months since my husband died.
I feel like I’m struggling to cope more than ever. I thought I was doing okay too, and I believe everyone else thought the same.
You are right in saying that support from family has waned. I appreciate they are working and have their own lives to lead, but I’m not getting much help any more with the things I can’t physically manage to do myself, and I don’t want to keep asking.
Friends made promises to take me out for coffee etc. but that isn’t happening much now. Most of them are couples, and don’t understand what it’s like to feel so lonely.
I considered a coach holiday on my own for a change of scenery and company but decided I can’t cope with it. Has anyone else tried this and how did it go.
X

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Hi Anne sorry to hear about your Husband. I use 2 sticks to walk atm so going for a coffee, even by myself is difficult. I do manage short walks outside & speak to the neighbours if I see them. It’s horrible isn’t it. I can’t consider going away on my own yet until I’ve had my operations but I think I would go when I’m back on my feet, not sure I’d be up to a coach trip though at present. Too peopley lol. Also seeing any dogs atm make me cry cos I’m missing mine so much. I hope things get better for you, let us know how your coach hols go if you decide to do it ,I think you’re very brave xxxx