's been a long time but?!?!

So I’m early 30s with a great young family. Not sure as I’ve never really spoke about this. I suffered with depression most of my life (in private) I’m a kind of get on with it guy!
I lost my Dad through suicide when I was 10 and don’t think I’ve ever grieved ( don’t really know what it is )
The reason I’ve come in here is although I think I’m quit tough (probably not) I’ve realised I’m feeling pretty crap and it’s coming up to the anniversary of my Dads death, is this normal every year for 20 plus years??
I just want and need to sort my head out, I have a wife and 3 little ones.
I know people worry but I would NEVER do what my Dad did. It just gets hard ‘getting on with it’ sometimes

Hi Dubber im very sorry for your loss .The phrase it takes as long as it takes definitely applies to you and all of us on this site .Your nightmare has no script or set plan keep coming back here we are all suffering loss of loved ones on here Colin

I think the anniversary of your Dad’s death must be very difficult and I guess it is ‘normal’ to experience that every year… I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. I think it’s good to seek support, so you’re doing the right thing. Even just knowing you’re not alone in this can be comforting, I think. Maybe it’s worth considering going to talk to someone in person about this if you feel this way.

It’s been over a year since my Nana died. She was an amazing person. we were very close and I don’t seem to feel any better about it. I felt like i re-lived it when the anniversary of her death came. I guess it’s why I came on here.

a friend sent this to me. perhaps it will bring you some comfort too.