So Lonely

Does none else feel like this? I lost my husband at the end of June after happily married years. I have struggled since then with such loneliness it seems untrue. I have family and friends but it is just not the same.

They come to visit, they take me out etc but all I really want is my husband back and I know this will never happen. I am grateful for all the help and company I receive but when people come to see me all I want them to do is go. Then of course I am alone again. Is this normal?


I too lost my husband in June after being together for nearly 40 years. All I want is for him to come back and be with me again.
My family live a long way away and so I’m quite isolated. I see other people but whatever I do, I’m having to live a life without the person I want to be with.
I’ve started grief counselling to see if that will help.
I shed many tears or just feel numb and often seek sanctuary with a good book at places we used to visit.

Last night my daughter said she wanted me to be happy again but I don’t think that is possible………

Take care of yourself and just remember that we all deal with grief in our own way.

Julie x


You feel exactly the same as I do. Perhaps counselling may help me too.

Love and hugs Moira

Hi Moira

I’ve only had one session but I can let you know if it ‘helps if you would like.

X Julie

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Yes it is for me,I like the company but then want them to go and be alone with my thoughts again.


I lost my husband on the 6th May,I been married for 40 years & together for 42.we started going out when I was just 16, so I done really know a life with out him.
I have done 12 weeks of bereavement counselling and now I’m doing six weeks of group counselling and for me it’s been a lifesaver. Yes it’s hard to open up but once you do it will be worth it. My advice if you’re going to do this you need to be open and honest.
Hope you can get some sort of Comfort once you have been.


Hi Kim

I hope counselling will work as I’m really struggling at the moment. My next call is on Monday as my counsellor wanted to know how my weekend has been. Did it take many sessions before they started to help?

It’s been 18 weeks today that Ian passed away and I still can’t accept I won’t ever see him again. I’m sat here crying and just feeling exhausted.

It hasn’t helped that I found myself in a traffic jam today caused by a road accident. I could see the paramedics working on someone in the road but sadly, they couldn’t help and they covered the body. It just brought back all the memories of my husband’s final hours in hospital.

I’ve surprised myself that I asked for counselling as I’ve always kept my feelings to myself so I just hope I can be open and honest with my counsellor as you suggest.

Julie x


Hello yes I will try counselling ,did not want to at first but now I think I need it.I hope talking to someone like this will get the nightmares out of my head after seeing my darling wife pass away in front of me.The nightmares of watching her being given pain relief in hospital day after day,all the suffering caused by this bladder cancer.Horrendous what it did to her body.I am in a living hell. Michael.

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Oh wow , this whole thread just rings so many bells for me . Just reading everyone’s experiences , feeling and emotions is cathartic in itself. We lost my beautiful wife Jill to cancer after 30 yrs of marriage just before she reached her 60th birthday. It was such a shock to us all that treatment t was not working , we have an amazing network of friends and family and our beautiful son and daughter are just incredible now in their twenties…
But everyone else’s lives can go on and I am really struggling with motivating myself to get anything done now . Work , home jobs it just all feels so unimportant … but still has to be done.
How has anyone found the strength to carry on I wonder ???


Trying to carry on but it is very hard,lost my wife to cancer 5 weeks ago so still in shock,really unable to function in anyway.Eating and sleeping are very hard to do.Have to force myself to do anything.Michael.


I feel the same as you. All I want is my husband back. We were everything to each other. True soulmates. I cry all the time. I miss him so much. We were meant to be together forever. I can’t cope without him. What you are feeling is totally normal. I’m here if you ever want to chat.
JenW xx



Trying to carry on is so very hard and after 18 weeks it’s even harder. I’ve tried to make an effort but what is the point if the person I want to live my life with has gone.

I make myself go out everyday and often sit for hours in the car somewhere. I’m fairly isolated where I live with few friends or neighbours. Even then, I usually have to initiate contact. When I do, they could not be more welcoming but if I didn’t make the effort they wouldn’t.

I did try and reach out to a neighbour once and she was so sympathetic by text but was too busy to meet up.

So, I’ve tried but there is only so much I can do and I’m living a life that is pointless now.

Take care everyone as I know we are all feeling so much hurt and sadness.

Julie x


I just try to live day by day for now, it is not easy.


Hi Juile I know just how you feel, Steve been gone 24 weeks . I don’t sleep & haven’t slept in a bed since the day he left me that is one of the hardest things for me. The car is where I do most of my crying.
I have to work so I keep myself really really busy but coming home at night I find extremely hard .
As for the counselling I had a one-to-one I didn’t have a phone call Counsellor as I knew that wouldn’t work for me. I would say after about 6 sessions things did become a bit easier going to group counselling is working really well listening to what others go through helps me it’s nice to know I’m not on your own.
I hope you can be open with your counsellor if you was poorly and went to the doctors you would tell him the truth that’s how I looked at it when I joined if you’re not open and honest how can I help you.
If you ever want to chat I’m around Kim x

Looks like we are all in the same boat,missing our loved ones so much that it hurts.Never gave a thought to how it might be when this happened,was not ready or prepared for it.Shook me to the core.Michael.

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You hit the nail on the head ,life is so pointless now that we are alone.I am trying to find a reason to go on,without my darling wife I feel incomplete.Michael.


Hi mickyboy I can only speak for myself, I was very apprehensive at first, the first few sessions were extremely hard but once you get past that, counselling is really good with no judgement on how you fee. for me personally it was the best thing I ever did. I really hope you manage to get some help. My head has been in the exact same place as yours & it’s not a nice place to be take care

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Morning and thank you for the message,I am traumatised by the last few days of my wifes life as it was horrendous to watch her suffering in such awful pain.I need to get some counselling very soon or I will go insane.Those images of her are implanted in my brain.I cannot sleep properly or eat properly at the moment.Yes and it is not a nice place to be.This intense grieving is so draining ,your world turned upside down.Michael.

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Yes I know just what you mean about The images, I came home from work & found my husband dead on the floor after only seeing him at breakfast. it was a total shock didn’t even have time to say goodbye.
Counselling has given me the tools to deal with those images so I really hope you manage to get some take care .

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Oh no how awful for you,how do you get that image out of your head.Counselling seems to be the answer,I am going for it this week.I need help to control the nightmares I am having about her passing which was quite shocking and so quick,I was totally not prepared.Hate this being alone,not what I wanted in my retirement.I need my beloved with me ,oh how I miss her. Michael.