So Lonely

Just logged on for the first time in a few weeks. My life feels like it’s over after my darling partner passed away in September. I don’t want to burden any of my friends with this.

I hate feeling like this, but I can’t help it. I absolutely love and miss him with every fibre of my being, but hate him for leaving me. I understand that it wasn’t his fault. I don’t want to force myself on any of my friends, but I’m just so lonely without him. I miss hearing his wonderful, gentle voice and everything about him. I’m also worried about my elderly mum (she’s 76), she’s still very independent, but had a minor medical episode on Tuesday and didn’t tell me until the next day.

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I don’t think your friends will feel you are a burden at all, we all need a support network of people that know us well to help us up if the floor when we have the bad days.

I lost my wife on the 18th of Dec. and I’m feeling lost, guilty and full of anxiety that I can no longer care for her or be of any help. I’ve found talking to my friends very very hard as they don’t understand but want to help in any way they can.
Talking about how I feel out loud and not being afraid to break down or cry is hard but does give me a small period of relief afterwards and it has the added effect of my friends feeling that they have helped in some small way.

I hope you find some small moments where you can stand in the sun and remember the happy times

Steve x

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Dear Sophie5

I think our feelings are all part of our journey. My husband died September 2020 as a result of a motorbike crash. I always told him I could not survive if I was ever to loose him because of this pursuit and now I have to deal with my anger and trying to forgive him - I am a long way off but the anger has subsided and is no longer a daily event. But I so still love him, need him and miss his just being with me and making me happy.

I too have an elderly mother who like your own mother remains independent but I cry when I think she should have been having mine and my husband’s attention in her remaining years and now instead she just worries about me.

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@Steve77,

Thanks for your lovely email, all my friends have their own lives and families. I speak to one friend in particular almost daily. We’re hoping to catch up in person at some point soon.

I’m so sorry to hear about your darling wife, losing her so close to Christmas must have been horrible. My heart goes out to you. I’m sending you virtual hugs.

My partner was only 53, he had a fatal cardiac arrest while we were on our ‘normal’ nightly video call.

Please look after yourself.

Sophie5 xx

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@Sheila26

My heart goes out to you. I’m still learning to live this ‘new’ unwanted life. The weekends are the hardest for me because we only saw each other then.

I still live with my mum and I’m fortunate enough to still be working from home, so I’m here if she needs me. Her GP has told her that she is not allowed to drive for four weeks.

Like your mum, my mum now spends time worrying about me. We will both get through this, but it will take time.

Please look after and be kind to yourself. Sending virtual hugs

xxx

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Thank you. My struggles will take a life-time I fear. The poem you have posted is beautiful but I have no sense of my husband watching over me or being by my side. We were married over 38 years and together 42, I really have known no other life. I continue on only for our two kids and two baby grandsons and pray that one day that me and husband will be together again. Take care. xxx

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@Sheila26

You’re welcome, I’m sorry that the poem I posted doesn’t bring you any comfort, I was only trying to help. We had a saying which was the word ‘carry’, I regularly said that I did carry him in my thoughts and heart every minute of every day. We were together for 19 wonderful years, he was only 53.

Please look after yourself. xxx

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Dear Sophie5

Please no need to say sorry. The poem is beautiful and it is right to have shared this.

It is my burden to carry that I have no sense of my husband. He is in my thoughts every second of every day but I want the impossible, I want and need him and would be grateful just to think that he is close but have no sense of this whatsoever. Our son has a photo of his dad with the eldest grandson in his living room. It gives my son some comfort in the thought that in some form his dad is still looking down on the grandsons.

My husband had only just turned 60 and I feel that is so young and thought we had years ahead. I can only imagine your pain and loss to loose your husband at 53. Take care xxxx

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How do we carry on I’m just burst into tears another day without my darling hubby jim. I miss him so much I’m in constant heartache :broken_heart: at first I thought it was just a dream but it’s not is it its real and he’s not coming back ever :sob::sob:

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@Misprint, my heart goes out to you, we just need to try and carry on as best we can with the life that’s been thrust upon us. I know that my partner and Jim would hate to see us suffering like this. Please remember that it wasn’t their choice to leave us.

Please look after yourself and feel free to message me privately if you want to.

Take care!

xx

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