So lost,please help,

I lost my Mum last September 1st 2017. At first i was coping,but everything seemed to go
down hill from the start of December onwards. previous to this my Mum had had to have an operation,and had been in and out of hospital a lot,and hadn’t had an easy life battling a life long illness,my Mum was my best friend. On top of losing my Mum,i have been battling an anxiety illness for 6 years now. Things do not seem to be getting any easier for me,on top of this i am a lone parent to my 11 year old son,and have no real family support. The mornings are the worst,i either vomit or struggle with this,and constant anxiety,and very low mood. Everything overwhelmes me from daily tasks as an example. Worrying about everything and money.Then there is the fact that i am frightened to push myself to work in a job,as i would have to deal with the benefits system,and if the job did not work out i could end up in a mess etc with my benefits,and worser off.There seems no way out. I have no idea what to do for a career,or any real desire. I have been a stay at home Mum for 12 years now. Most of how i feel ill,lies in missing and needing my Mum,my Mum did so much for me and my son. How can i even move forward in life,when i am frightened,and daunted to do anything. I feel like a failure,and don’t know how to move forward or be well in myself. Family members who were offering me support,have said nasty things to me over the phone like pull yourself together,and that all i do is phone people up with my misery. Thank you for reading,any advice much appreciated. Lucy.

Hello Lucy. It’s so sad to read about what you are going through. My loss at this time isn’t the same as yours but I understand a little of the anxiety, the desperately low moods, fear and worry. You are right, sometimes the mornings are so dreadfully awful. You are definitely not a failure however. It can’t be an easy task taking care of an 11 year old, especially feeling as you do. I know, family do seem to find us tiresome when we fail to bounce back within a certain time. Keeping emotions held in and surpressed now will make you so poorly further down the line so try to think of anyone that may be able to lend an ear. Don’t be forced into giving up your grief to conform. It’s your grief and it’s special to you. I’m sure someone with more wisdom than I have will offer you some good advice. I just wanted
to let you know that I have read your post and empathize with your anxiety troubles. Sending compassionate thoughts to you.

Hello Lucy, oh dear, life is grim for you and for your son because you both will be suffering together and yes families can be horrible, I know that from my own experiences. I can understand what you are saying regarding the benefit system and that would just make a terrible situation worse. The only thing that I can think which may give you some self respect and self worth is ‘charity’ work which just may make you say “oh no” but it’s been used in the past to get people back into work and it does give you a reason to get washed and dressed in the morning. There is less pressure, than normal work and you get to pick and choose what you want to do, so what ever skills you have, they are used and strengthned making employers see a different person than you are now. I am not just saying this because this week is volunteering week but because I know it works. Think about it and go along and explore the options. Just remember it’s what you want and your need come first. Just looking at life with different glasses can change your mood and when you are down, that change can help you get through another day. Like they say one day at a time.
I shall watch and see what others come up with, something will be right for you, just keep looking and do try different things, it all helps.
Blessings S

Thank You for reading my message and your words of support Susie xxx