So lost without Mum

To be honest I don’t really know what type, or what I need to say or how this is gonna help?

I lost my Mum just over 3 weeks ago, altho she had been diagnosed with cancer the diagnosis & her death all came about within a 6 week period so very quick & the medical staff weren’t honest with us about how quickly this was going to happen. She was only 58.

Right now I want to talk but have no words. I want to cry but can’t cry.
I’m ‘getting on’ with life i.e I’m getting out of bed and feeding my little boy & doing what I need too but I’m dead feeling inside.
I honestly am blessed (before this especially) & have a lovely life with a good close knit family, husband & little boy but just feel so blank and empty right now.
Life won’t be the same for any of us without Mum.

People say I have to keep my mum ‘alive’ by talking about her but I don’t want to talk about her I want her here.

I feel like I’m dreading life without her I’m only young & have a long life ahead of me to be ‘dreading it’ it’s horrible. Will this feeling shift eventually? I know it’s only very very early days. The whole ‘grief’ process frightens me, I’m just very frightened to live life without her.

Although we’re a very close family it’s hard to support each other as we’re all grieving at the moment.
My Dad is so broken. We all are.

G x

Hi Gina,

I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your Mum so suddenly 3 weeks ago. It’s incredibly painful and scary to lose one of our parents at any age. It’s not surprising that you’re having such a difficult time at the moment. I lost my Mum 4 years ago so I do unserstand what you’re going through and how you’re feeling.

You need to grieve in the way that you want to. You’re probably still in shock at the moment and possibly feeling numb which is why the tears won’t fall. You will cry when you’re ready to. I also couldn’t talk about my Mum for a long time after she died. I would instantly start crying. Over time it does get easier and I was able to talk about my Mum and remember happy times with her.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself. Getting out of bed & looking after your little boy means you’re doing well. I know it’s difficult but also try to make sure you’re eating properly. After my Mum died it was tea, toast and soup for many weeks which wasn’t great.

My Dad was also broken when my Mum died. You are all supporting each other just by being around each other. There is no short cut for grief as much as we wish there was.

It does get easier. You just learn to adjust to a different life without your Mum. I know that it’s too soon for you to want to hear that. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Please keep talking to us & take care. Trudy x

Hi Gina

I too am so sorry to read about your Mum. It is so horrible when it all happens so quickly, getting such a diagnosis and barely having time for it to sink in before you lose your Mum.

Like you I lost my Mum in a similar short space of time, six weeks also for me. I was in shock for months and am sure you will be too. My Mum passed away 19 months ago.

You do exactly what you want to at this awful time for you. Tell people if you don’t want to do something. It is your perogative to do that and it feels great to say ‘I don’t want to’ at times. You will talk and cry when you are ready to do so as Trudy has said. Also please do try to eat something, I bet you don’t really feel like it but it does help. I found eating little meals easier than trying to force down massive plates of food. Something hot and easy to eat. I made quantities of soup at one stage, gave me something to do and was comforting in a way.

You obviously have a lovely family and loving Dad. That is so important but do take time for yourself each day. Even ten minutes quiet time just sitting with a cup of tea can help.

Yes it is frightening, I am not going to deny that. I was terrified of what would happen to me at first, I have lost my Dad too though not recently. It was all a bit too grown up for me at first (even as a 55 year old when Mum passed away).

Keep coming back here if you need someone to chat to. I received such kindness from strangers on this site and know you will too.


Thank you for your replies Trudy & Mel, I’ve re-read them several times and they made me feel like I am making sense you helped you really did.

You mentioned shock, I think I am in shock. But how do you know when your not? I’m frightened the shock will have one day all of sudden gone and bang I’m consumed by real ‘grief’
How silly to be frightened of nothing you have no control over??
It’s the unknown… I’ve never even had a broken heart that’s been caused by a boy!!! I literally have nothing to prepare myself or compare too.

I feel like my heart is actually aching, I feel so sad.
My husband is trying his best he’s doing a fantastic job by just being him but nothing comforts me and that’s so hard for him to see but I can’t help it.

I keep wondering how are any of us gonna continue life without Mum, how it’s physically possible.

Thanks for listening both I understand if there’s not much more for you to say it’s very difficult it’s just helped typing it out xx

Thank you Trudy, I included my next message on the reply to Mel. Didn’t want you to think I hadn’t said thanks! X