So sad . . .

I’ve never posted a message to a site like this before so it feels a bit odd to be doing so but I’m on the verge of not coping and don’t know what else I can do . . .
On Christmas Day my elderly parents set off by car to visit my sister and her family. They never made it - Dad had a massive stroke while driving and crashed headlong into an oncoming car. Somehow, the other driver only had minor cuts and bruises - a fact for which I will always be so thankful, it could have been so much worse. Both parents were cut from the car by emergency services and taken to hospital. Daddy seemed to be okay, a bit confused with his speech, but still very much himself; however, he rapidly went downhill, due we think to a series of further stroked. Mum was a very frail old lady and although there was no injury she was unable to recover from the trauma and died three weeks later; Daddy died five hours later in the same hospital.

So, it’s more than 6 months on. I read a poem at the funeral, fry-eyed. I still haven’t cried. I think everybody thinks I don’t care but to me it just feels too big a thing, tears aren’t enough. The overwhelming sadness is eating me up, stopping me doing things, almost paralysing me emotionally. Please, how do I begin to reclaim my old life? My moodiness is upsetting my husband so I try not to let him see it (he’s a dear, he has tried so hard to help me) but what do you do when there seems to be no point in anything? Nothing seems to matter, everything seems futile and pointless.

Hello Tabbycat,

I was so sorry and sad to read your post and the awful time you have had since last Christmas. This is only seven months ago so it is not surprising that you are still feeling very raw. I suspect you may be still in a state of shock over the terrible events that led up to the loss of your parents.

I think you are wonderful to be able to read a poem at your parents funeral. I would have loved to be able to do that for my Mum when she passed away two years ago. I couldn’t as I couldn’t stop crying that day.

I don’t think there is any real answer as to how to move on from these events. Talk to your husband and tell him how hard you are finding everything. I love your description of him being a dear, not one I have heard for a few years. I am sure you are not really moody but if so for him knowing that it isn’t him will be good. Just talking and remembering your parents together may help, memories of happier times.

I have lost both my parents and have been thinking recently of when I was a child and happy family summer holidays. It seems like a dream to me now but having those memories are so important.

I do hope things feel less awe inspiring for you soon. It is a hard situation we are all in on this forum. Do keep coming back if you need to. The online bereavement counselling might be worth looking at on here.

Take care of yourself.


Sorry for ure loss i lost ny husband in a car accident it has changed mine and both my sons life forever it really sucks but you shall get through your grief or should i say it will get eaeierx