I’ve never posted a message to a site like this before so it feels a bit odd to be doing so but I’m on the verge of not coping and don’t know what else I can do . . .
On Christmas Day my elderly parents set off by car to visit my sister and her family. They never made it - Dad had a massive stroke while driving and crashed headlong into an oncoming car. Somehow, the other driver only had minor cuts and bruises - a fact for which I will always be so thankful, it could have been so much worse. Both parents were cut from the car by emergency services and taken to hospital. Daddy seemed to be okay, a bit confused with his speech, but still very much himself; however, he rapidly went downhill, due we think to a series of further stroked. Mum was a very frail old lady and although there was no injury she was unable to recover from the trauma and died three weeks later; Daddy died five hours later in the same hospital.
So, it’s more than 6 months on. I read a poem at the funeral, fry-eyed. I still haven’t cried. I think everybody thinks I don’t care but to me it just feels too big a thing, tears aren’t enough. The overwhelming sadness is eating me up, stopping me doing things, almost paralysing me emotionally. Please, how do I begin to reclaim my old life? My moodiness is upsetting my husband so I try not to let him see it (he’s a dear, he has tried so hard to help me) but what do you do when there seems to be no point in anything? Nothing seems to matter, everything seems futile and pointless.