I lost my dad on Valentine’s Day and we have not had a chance to think of dad as we’ve been so busy helping mum and sorting out the business, mum is in a bad place and does not want a future without dad, I’m working full time and juggling work with shifts looking after mum
So tired mentally, can’t Evan think of a holiday as can’t leave mum
I need to grieve for dad
Been offered a job interview but can’t go as mum and siblings need me
Will my life ever be the same again
Miss dad so much and so worried about mum
Dear Looby, I am so sorry for your loss and your situation. It’s admirable that you are there for your mum but please try to find time for yourself too and please do go on your job interview. With regards a holiday perhaps take your mum with you. A break could benefit both of you if only to give you a little breathing space, away from everything else. Your mum will find her own way but it’s early days yet. I lost my husband nearly 2 years ago so I know how your mum must be feeling. You both need to grieve but your losses are very different so all you can do is be there for each other. Life can never be the same again because an important part of it is now missing. But you will learn to live again, smile again. In the meantime, slow down, breathe and cherish the memories. Sending love xx
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Hi Kate
Thank you for your reply, my siblings are totally against me going for interview as they say I’m supported at work and if I get a new job I will need to give all my 100 percent not sure if I can do that
Maybe in 6 months
So confused and struggling
If I go it will make it worse if I’m offered it
As I can’t take it anyhow
Mum comes first right now
I’m seeing a councillor next week so hopefully things will get easier x
Hi Loony,
Kate is so right that you need to look after yourself too, which I know is hard to do. I lost my dad then a few weeks later my mum was diagnosed with terminal cancer so I got thrown into caring for her. I dropped everything and felt so bad I had no time to grieve my dad. Just before my mum died I ended up in hospital myself as I had let my health slide so much. Complete nightmare. I now grieve them both together in a big mixed up mess.
I think the fact you want to grieve your dad shows you already are in a way. You can’t force it and it will happen so don’t be hard on yourself over that xxx.
The advice that has been the best to me is to take one day at a time. Don’t look too far into the future just now as your world has been turned upside down. Things will get easier, but it will take time.
How do you feel about the new job? I’ve learnt to listen to my gut feelings more over the last year and they are pretty much always right.
Sending love
Ann xx
Hi Looby, Im so sorry for your your loss, reading about your situation echoes mine a few years ago.I also lost my dad and I also lost my brother with only a month apart.
I didnt have the time I needed to grieve properly as I became primary carer for my mum who was never the same person after the losses, my mum required 24 hr care as she was on oxygen full time and was very frail, I was lucky I had such an amazing husband who looked after my mum for me while I worked full time which enabled me to keep our home and pay the bills. I would take over mums care when I got home and throughout the night and between us although it was a struggle we did it.
My mum passed away 2 yrs ago and I can look back and know that everything I could do for her I did and this gives me a bit of comfort.
Without the support of my employer I would have been in a much of a dire situation, the fact I had worked there so long and was given as much support as I was is something I’ll forever be grateful for, a good employer is hard to find so if you are getting support from them think twice before leaving them.
Try to get as much support from your family as you can and try not to lose yourself.
Hopefully with a lot of love and time your mum will find herself again, dont forget your important too as are your happiness and needs, just dig deep and look at making yourself happy too, you can do it, you just need time and a lot of support.
Take care of yourself and I hope all goes well for you .
Hi Looby. I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my own Dad very suddenly exactly a year ago tomorrow. It’s still very early days for you and your Mum. If you are supported in your current job I would stay where you are for now. Other jobs will come along in the future when you’re in a better place. I know you want to support your mum but taking on everything can be very detrimental to you. Talk to your siblings and draw up a rota so you’re all doing your bit but you also get some down time. I can only advise from my own experience. Things do settle down though and one year on we are all moving on and things are a bit more positive and we don’t have that awful feeling of helplessness. When it first happened to us I didn’t believe it when people said time helps but it does. My mum was lost for the first 6 months and needed lots of support but she’s coping well now. She still has very down days but not as frequently. She did say to me the other day that she feels more positive now and there are things to look forward to I’m her life now. I went away with my husband for a few days break in the first couple of months and the rest of the family stepped in to support her. Maybe you could do that? The break really helped as it gave me time and space which was desperately needed! Wishing you and your family much love xxxx
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