So unsure

I lost my lovely husband Mark in November, very suddenly to cardiac arrest, I haven’t been back to work since, I work as a carer in a retirement complex, but my sick note runs out this week, and I don’t know what to do. My son and some friends are telling me it will do me good to go back, other friends are telling me to stay off, I want to talk it over with Mark but obviously I can’t do that now. Part of me wants the company of my colleagues, but I am so forgetful I am worried about making mistakes, we handle medication, I have trouble remembering my own. I feel so useless. Any thoughts on this?


I lost my husband in December and went back to work in January. Fortunately I can work from home . I’m doing full time and have asked my employers if I can reduce my days down . I was okay on the days when it wasn’t so busy but some days I found it too much and just wanted to run away from it all.
Would you be able to do a day or two at first . It does take your mind off everything but it’s according how you feel on that day .

As we know it’s an emotional rollercoaster and you never know how you are going to feel that day .

My husband passed 5th off December
In my madness I went back work 5th jan
Big mistake for me still on sick now
My doctor says I will know when I am ready
So just take your time
And if you can do less days or hours
Might help you
Please take care xx

Hi I lost my husband last March I work for the trust that let him down I am flexible NHSP worker we are all different I can’t face going back to work for them yet I have an investigation going on. I worked for this trust for 37 years which I loved now a different story. Some go straight back to work longer for others I need to work now to fill the days
Take care x

Dear Gilmar

Do what you feel you can cope with. If that involves getting another sicknote so be it. Any good employer will want to have a welfare discussion before you return to work. As others have suggested perhaps look at a phased return and light duties rather than straight back full swing.

Please also do not feel useless. You are going through so much - I think the brain puts us into a different mode as we try and struggle with our grief and the enormous changes we are now faced with.

Take care.

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Thank you for your replies. My manager was really understanding, and is putting me on a phased return with some refresher training to ease me back to work. You never know what people will help you with, I’ve been stressing myself about this, one conversation and it’s sorted out. Since I lost Mark, everyone has been so kind, I suppose the lesson is that when people say “if there’s anything I can do” then we should take them up on it, instead of struggling alone. Thanks for the advice everyone.