Here I am once again, sobbing in the early hours, my grief has been a bit better lately but after nearly 14 months since I lost my beloved husband Marcial to pancreatic cancer, the tears still come, granted not all the time but mostly unexpectedly, I don’t feel lonely but I feel alone. I miss him so much it takes my breathe away. I still have no energy or motivation to do anything, I spend a lot of time in bed. I’m hoping to speak to the doctor on Monday about how low I’m feeling. I just had to share because as you all on here know it feels, it’s feels good to put it in writing. Margarita🌼
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I’m so sorry - I am here joining you crying. It is 9 months since I lost my husband and it is so lonely. We can be with people all the time - but we are lonely. I find early mornings bad - miss the hand reaching over for mine and saying ‘Morning Love’ as we woke up together. I now just feel like I put on a false face to the world.
Hope you manage a bit more sleep - our grief is exhausting - but we need it to be able to function at all. Sending a hug - take care
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I lost my husband 11months today and I still sob my heart out some days and sometimes I can’t control the tears when I meet people and they ask how I am .
His passing was so sudden with no warnings or illness beforehand and it completely shook my world and it’s still shaking . Evenings and night times I find the hardest.
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Dear kazza
I’m so so sorry for your loss I’m not up to your time frame it’s 17 weeks today since my darling man went and I too was up most of the night crying it’s just never ending . I have not stopped crying for 17 weeks and sounds like it doesn’t ever stop.
.my partner was also very sudden just like that gone all our plans and promises gone forever . It’s so hard to keep going when all you want to do is be with him …
Every day when I open my eyes I hope it’s all been a nightmare but the nightmare is here and it’s for life …
hugs to you all
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Hi, 15 months, since Shell, passed, still feeling of emptiness, to be honest, I haven’t shed tears, but we react, in different ways, I would like it to walking through a forest, trying to find a path, there are no maps, out, people will come and try to help you find the route, but they can’t, So you keep going, .
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PeteE59
Yes it’s very true we are all very different. But that’s a good way to explain it .
It’s all so unbearable no matter how you look at it eh .
Thank you hugs to you
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I lost my husband in March to a sudden heart attack. After days of appearing strong to my family and friends I feel embarrassed that these last few days I have done nothing but cry, unable to stop myself doing it in front people.
I cry every day but it’s usually when I’m on my own.
I don’t have the energy or motivation to do anything but that just gives me so much time to think about everything………
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Dear dee64
I’m so sorry for your loss it’s the worst possible heartbreak we can ever imagine .
One thing I have never felt during this nightmare I find myself in is , strong I don’t pretend to be or try to be no matter what people might expect or say . And I don’t think you should be at all embarrassed or put on a front for anyone .
This is all hard enough without putting that pressure on yourself . We are all different and handle things in different ways . I know I can’t hold it in no matter where I am . If you think about it we are going through the worst possible experience of our lives and if we cry in public or in front of family it’s nothing in the scheme of things .
You take care of yourself hugs to you
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Guess the best way, is honesty, be yourself, you can’t be any one else.hits me in different ways, I have grown to hate " meals for one".
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Yes just be honest and true to yourself I agree . I keep making too much food and end up eating it for days …
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Just after Shell had passed, I was in Tesco, i just broke down. It hit me, just me to look after,from now on.
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Meals for one. It’s just awful. Everything we now have to do for just us is so unfair. I hate it. My very good friend Clare who was an absolute rock when I lost Martin , sadly passed away during the last bank holiday weekend. A massive stroke and only 47 years old. The times I go to phone her then realise I can’t. I’m trying to be there for her teenage daughter who has no relationship with her dad. She looks to me for reassurance that things will be ok and Im struggling to be very supportive.
Everything is such mess.
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Dear @Margarita1,
My wife Nicki passed suddenly and unexpectedly in July 2020 and, like you, the tears still come, usually at bedtime. Last night, I was stood in our living room in front of a 6ft bookcase filled with Nicki’s recipe books and the tears just flowed (as they are doing now writing this). Whenever I look at and think deeply about any of Nicki’s possessions, that’s when I tend to break down. The only way I can get through a day is to operate on a superficial level, my brain in a sort of “free-fall” mode. Most days I spend my afternoons curled up in my armchair, sleeping as many hours away as I can. My motivation has almost completely evaporated, I struggle to deal with mail or complete any tasks, and I am less able to function now than I was several months ago. I can’t ever see things improving, Nicki was such a huge part of my being that I’m just a lost soul now.
I go through a routine at bedtime where I talk to my wife and look at some of her photos on my mobile phone, it helps to keep her alive to me. But most nights the tears flow.
It may be of small comfort but please know that you are not alone in how you are feeling, and I hope that your GP is able to help you.
Take care,
Alston
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So sad to hear of your loss, words offer some comfort, but the pain continues, you will.get some comfort here ,people are kind. Deep respect to you, take care.
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Dear @Alston56, I’m so sorry for your loss, just when you think you are handling the grief it hits you wallop bang. Of course we are going to feel this because our beloveds were part of us, a massive part, so many years together and if you were as lucky as I was, a happy marriage. I have my daughter at home, but she is out working and I don’t like to burden her, she is also grieving for her dad. But I do tell her how I feel and I can’t pretend. But, like you I tend to feel it worse at night. I know how you are feeling because the best way to describe it is, during the day grief paralyses you and you can’t get the energy to do anything, plus you think what is the point. But, we will come through it eventually, God willing. I wish you peace and a big virtual hug. Take care, Margarita1
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It is almost three years since my Ron passed and this part week had been one of the worst ever. I have cried all week for no reason and the pain and loneliness has engulfed me. Time does not heal it just masks the pain until the next trigger. My heart goes out to everyone in our situation
Xx
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To break up the evening , I have come out for a walk, so I have called in at the local, don’t know if it makes it better, couples together, obviously, they are not to blame, but it puts it into context, the person I want next to me, can’t be here, .xx
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It’s absolute torcher just anything thing to remind us what we have lost
hugs to you
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I feel the same way as you I can put on a face my my family call but as soon as they are gone it’s back to the empty feeling of my soulmate no longer here with me to make me feel safe and contented. I miss him soo much it huts x
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Hi Margarita1
16 months for me Mick also died pancreatic and bowel cancer. Like you I cry a lot still nights are my worst. I am functioning better back at work. I hit rock bottom 3 months after Mick died counselling sleeping tablets did not want to be here. My son phoned my Dr I had to get help we either sink or swim. The waves still come they still knock me under. I hope you get the help you want. What a journey this is I hate it
Take care x