Dear Teresa, Thank you for your lovely message. I will private message you with my email address now and we can keep in touch and I will tell you all the ins and outs. I haven’t seen our grandsons for nearly 8 weeks now, which is down to their mother. It will have been a break for you in Germany, albeit you were the dog walkers.
Do you know Teresa, it is four years at the end of August since Peter died and although that rawness has gone, I still feel the same pain I did when he died, even now after all this time, everything seems so pointless, I feel as if I am just biding time until it is my time to go. Going out means nothing, I go out, smile, and then come home, it is as if the life has been knocked out of me since he died, I used to so bubbly, dancing around the house with my vacuum and playing rock n roll songs but now, I just don’t have the strength anymore, it is so hard to be positive and look forward to anything, in fact, I don’t look forward to anything, they are just days to get through.
I still cry for Peter, when I look at our wedding photos I cry, I cannot understand where that handsome teenage boy and that pretty girl went, were we ever so young. I thought that after four years I would have moved on but I haven’t, all I want is Peter, nothing else matters, it is the thought of spending the rest of my days without him. The worst part of it all is that I will never see him again, never kiss him or hold his hand and that is what is killing me. If he had walked out of the door and not come back at least I would have known he was somewhere on this earth and that there would always be a chance I would see him whenever I went out, but because he has died, there is no chance of that and it is heartbreaking.
Please take care Teresa,
I will private message you now.