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Gosh! I’ve just joined the site and sat and been heartbroken by all the replies, i thought it may help reading of others distress and how they cope but to be honest it feels quite traumatic! I’m so sorry for everyones loss, i lost my lovely wife of 38 years in May, i miss her desperately. It wasn’t sudden, she suffered a bleed on the brain during a tumour operation and died two years later. I was doing alright at first this year but in the last 6 weeks i’ve struggled, sorry for such a first post, i didn’t know what say to be honest

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Hello Dean and welcome to the site where no one wants to be. I am so sorry for the loss of your lovely wife. It is absolutely devastating and you will have seen from other posts that we are all feeling the same but most importantly we all understand what grief is all about.
My wife also died from a brain bleed last May but it was sudden unlike your two years of agony. That must have been very hard to bear.
I was doing alright at first but struggling now and I believe that is quite common. I don’t expect it to improve for some time to come but grief affects everyone differently. Keep reading and posting on here and it may give you a small amount of comfort. I hope you have friends and family to support you but even if you do it doesn’t fill the hole in your heart.
Take care and warm wishes, AL

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Hello Dean
I found reading other people’s posts and then knowing that I am not alone and what I am feeling is entirely normal, helpful.
My wife died at the end of August, we had been together for forty years, married for 29 of those years. You are not alone, hopefully, in time, things will get easier for you (and me)

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It’s horrible isn’t it! I can start to cry at any time, it’s so weird! Hopefully this will ease. I’ve asked for counselling again from the hospice, i gave it up as i felt i’d got all i needed from it and was recovering!!! Fingers crossed that happens soon, the lady i had was so good and steered through quite a lot.
I think its only now i’m understanding that this is post traumatic stress and needs to be treated.

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Hi Dean, I’m not surprised you can cry at any time but remember it’s our only release from the immense stress. I am glad that you are aware you need help. Go back to the hospice and ask if you can start counselling again as you are not coping. If it is no longer available you could try Sue Ryder or Cruse. The sooner you can restart counselling the better. I had a short spell of counselling recently but felt I had started too soon. At the moment I don’t feel I need it but if necessary I will return to it later. However, you have had a much more traumatic time over the past two years and you will need help to recover. You will never recover from the loss of your wife but you need to try and find your new life again and put the trauma behind you. Of course, easier said than done.

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Hi Dean, I just saw your message and wanted to tell you that you are among Friends here. All of us have been where you are at - I’m coming up on a year soon and I miss her just like you are feeling. I still break down at times just thinking about her. Oh yes, I put on a brave face for family and friends and usually make my visits and conversations as short as possible. I don’t have any advice for you other than telling you that you should feel welcome to drop us a line and tell us how you’re doing. Like Al said, this is a group or club where no one wants to be - So we help each other here! Please accept my sympathy for your loss - come back soon!
Herb

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Hey Herb, I have been following many of your posts and understand the pain and family trials you are going through. We have become good actors when we are out and about although it’s not always possible to hold it in. Next month will be difficult for you but if you can just regard it as another month, like the one before and the one before that, if you know what I mean.
I will be watching out for you. Take care, AL

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Thanks Al, Nice to know people are watching out for me… Yes, you are right – After the change of seasons here, I became aware that my wife’s impending anniversary was coming. So I guess I started being aware of it now. I’ve noted the different ways and methods others on this site are handling their mates anniversaries, so I realize I’m not alone and others will commemorate it by lighting a candle. Perhaps you’re right - I can treat it an other day or least I’ll try to. Yes, it does appear we are actors in our own right doesn’t it?? I try to keep it low key, and I’m Ok with it that way, until a am asked how I am doing or get a reminder. It won’t be easy but I can follow your advice and see how it goes. I appreciate you taking an interest in my messages and my plight. In closing, I hope you are doing Ok, as well as all of the others. Thank you for your message and encouragement.
Herb

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