I met my soulmate after my divorce. Thought we would retire together in France. He had flu. We had a test on 29th Dec. He stopped breathing 5 mins after I got into bed. Assumed the paramedics would take him to hospital but one hour later was told he had died. 19 wks later still overcome with grief. We didn’t live together but devastated.

Lesley5 I am so very sorry for your loss this journey of grief that we now face is so hard take one day at a time and talk on here as everyone here understands what we are going through I lost my soulmate on the 14th of April she was and always will be the love of my life hang in there take care

Hello @Lesley5

19 weeks isn’t a long time to come to terms with such an overwhelming loss. A divorce is stressful enough and then to lose your soulmate not long afterwards must feel terrible.

I went into shock when my soulmate died. It took me months to get out of that, I don’t know how long. It was physical and mental shock, I was like a zombie. We conducted the funeral ourselves because Jim was an agnostic and also because of COVID, I gave his oration and his son read a poem, along with playing 2 of his favourite songs.

And then… It seemed like everything was falling apart. He was a technology wizard - he fixed all the technical things like computers, printers, TV, etc… I felt guilty about selling his car, but at least I could do that, because I never wanted to drive it. I was co-executor of his will, along with his older son from his first marriage. I am also the sole beneficiary. Jim’s son just handed probate to me and left after a couple of days, leaving me with a pile of paperwork that I still haven’t sorted out 9 months later.

All I can say is that I have found good friends here, women and men who have helped me a lot, who have eased my sorrow simply be being there and understanding.

I’m sorry I’ve talked about myself so much. I can’t imagine what things would be like if Jim had died before we’d married, because at least I have the sense of security that comes from having a legal partnership.

Please stay here - keep on posting. I hope you too will find friends here who will ease your path. I’m sure you know that there are formal ways of getting help, such as talking to your GP about your feelings of devastation, talking to organisations like Cruse, etc… Sue Ryder offers free on-line sessions with a grief counsellor. I had one session - the counsellor told me I was still in shock and to return if that developed into complex grief, which she said I’d discover in a few months. I was so confused them that I couldn’t give her a next of kin - I don’t have one - and nor could I give a phone number for a neighbour, because I live in a very isolated development where everyone keeps themselves to themselves. There is one neighbour that tried to help, but she was very dominant and interfering, and I didn’t want her to be involved.

Now, 8 months later, I’ve seen a psychologist who is going to try to help me. It’s taken so long, but at least the long lockdown is over and I can meet people for a coffee, and things like that. I hope you will find someone who you can confide it who will help you to find a way out of the utter hopelessness that I think everyone feels after the loss of a soulmate.

Christie xxx

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Thank you for your kind message. I am due back at work tomorrow. Dreading it. Did work help you to deal with your emotions.

I am waiting for a call from the local hospice to assess me for counselling. I had 6 sessions from an organisation called Sudden. Helpful at the time.

Take care Lesley

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