Starting a new relationship

I am recently widowed ,I am 71,my husband was in the army and one of his comrades who helped me when my husband was very ill has been in touch.He has been very helpful and has been messaging me to help with my grief.He lost his wife about a year ago and is still grieving but he wants to stay in touch and also to meet up at some stage.He understands what I am going through but I feel so guilty that I might be letting him into my life so soon and I might be misinterpreting his motives.Am I being silly to think like this.


Hi Sweetie

I’m so sorry for the recent loss of your husband, you must be going through a lot at the moment, it’s good you are here to share your feelings.

This friend of your husbands sounds like a very caring man. He recognises what you are going through as he is on a different but similar journey and it could be very helpful to you both to share your feelings and support eachother. I understand your feelings though, an old friend of mine recently asked me out to dinner 6 weeks after my boyfriend died and I felt shocked and there was no way I could go on a date. However this friend is not going through a grieving process and I felt he was not acknowledging what I am going through. Your situation is very different, this man is acknowledging what you are going through, he recognises it, going for a walk together, going out for lunch or just continue to communicate I’m sure is a good thing. This man will be respecting your situation and your husbands memory especially as he is also dealing with his own loss of his wife. Wishing you all the best


You have every right to be cautious, but not suspicious.

If you are so recent, it might be nice to wait awhile for your sake.

It is nice to have a friend. I would be firm about just being friends but if he is really a nice person, one day, you might enjoy knowing him better. Rushing anything in life is never a good idea.


Thank you for your kinds words,it actually made me feel a little better.At the moment I feel like a drowning man clinging to a life raft.I don’t know how this gentleman views me other than we are dealing with the same situation except that he is a little further down the road than me.I am worried that if I say anything to my friends and family they may judge me,when all I’m trying to do is find some way of coping with this terrible loss.I don’t love my husband any less than if he was still here and I don’t want to put too much store in someone who is trying to help me.


I have a dilemma. There’s a beautiful lady who’s taken a shine big time to me, declared undying love etc. My wife passed away before Christmas, and this lady is just a bit older than my daughter. Works for United Nations.

She’s only seen my photo and general chat for few weeks. I have questioned her over making decisions like that so quickly, but like many people there are those who will judge me so quickly.

I have been open and honest with my daughters and showed conversation. Their concern is me being vulnerable, I have never been involved with another woman and it scares me, big time, as am concerned about commitment.