Starting to hit home now

I lost my Dad in January. He was 59, and was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer in only the September.

The first few months were a blur really, and I guess I felt ok. Everything was so sudden it almost felt unreal and just a dream. As I’d seem him so recently I guess I didn’t miss him as much as I do now.

Christmas was difficult. Wrapping my presents was horrible, there not being one for him just felt so unreal. I just wanted the whole season to pass. The day wasn’t too bad. I was cooking for 8 so kept distracted. I really felt his presence was missing.

We still haven’t buried him. I kept asking my Mom about arranging a day, but she hasn’t got round to it yet. I don’t know if this is because she isn’t ready, or just keeps forgetting. I feel like I’ll hit a bad patch when that time comes, and I just want it over and done with.

I’m a happy chirpy person, and my Dad made ne promise I’d stay that way after he’d passed. I think on the outside I’m doing a good job of it, but inside I often feel like im being punched in the gut. I don’t want to talk to my family or partner about it as I just don’t want anyone to worry about me, they have enough problems of their own to deal with.

I feel like my family is drifting apart. It was almost like my Dad was the glue that kept us together. My Mom and sister are joined at the hip (I live away from home) which doesn’t help. I just feel so left out and alone sometimes.

Now it’s been so long since he passed, people gave stopped asking how I am. Which is understandable, but now is when I feel the lowest.

I miss my Dad, but I also miss my family dynamic terribly.

Any tips anyone?

Thanks

You miss your lovely Dad and you always will,and you promised your Dad you would stay happy and im sure you will do your best to honour that promise,but you will feel sad some days too,and thats ok too,you miss your family ,you need to just go and tell them that,tell them how you feel,and i know people get on with their lives and like you say they forget and dont ask, but thats ok too as your Dad is in your heart forever,and thats enough.My 3 girls lost their father in March ,he was 59 too,we need each other,and im sure you do too ,take care xx

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