My dad left my mum when I was 16 for another woman , whom he was still married to when he passed away last week. Sadly our relationship was strained on & off all that time. My sister and I gave him 2 grandkids but 'his Wife’s family always seemed to come first. Her grandkids and great grandkids called him grandad , which is natural but it hurt us. He would visit us now & then but hide it from his wife and if we called there , we were never made to feel welcome by her. She never treated us nicely .It was obvious she hated the fact he had a past and we were from that. They fostered children and soon we and our children were almost forgotten. They were all taken on fabulous holidays , spoilt with presents etc whilst we got a bit of cash stuffed in birthday & xmas cards. We were never invited to family events , parties etc .He became very ill the last few years , stopped going on their family holidays due to his illness but that never stopped her going , right up until the week before he passed away. She could do no wrong in his eyes , but if we questioned anything we were shut down by him . Now arranging his funeral , their long term foster sons , who recently started calling him Dad , have taken over. We’ve been pushed aside , even on the obituary notice as the eldest 2 , and only 2 biological children , they have been named 1st. They will be in the 1st family car , prob will sit on the front row of crematorium and we are certain they will do a eulogy , which will say what an amazingDad he was. They didn’t introduce us as his daughters when we met the undertaker and they insisted on being the 1st to see him at the chapel of rest. They are also left to behavein this manner by my dad’s wife . My dad’s last words were telling us all to have no bitterness , he apologised to my sister and I for not seeing us enough. His wife stated that my dad fretted that we must be included in everything and we kindly asked that we were in the funeral arrangements.
After she decided the wording of the death notice, which we read. She then decided to change theorder of the children , ignoring the undertakers advice on protocol . So we are feeling like they are far more important than us. We understand they brought the foster kids up for a longtime and we accepted that but why are they treating us like this . He’s the only dad we had and now we don’t count. Its destroying me , that I don’t want to set foot in their house again , go to the family service in the house or go in the family cars ….yet I also know that is what they want, us not turning up, so will be playing into their hands, but im not confident enough to stand up to them plus dont want to be made to look like the bad guy. I will go to funeral but they’re turning it into a circus but I don’t want any confrontations as they’re showing their true colours. My sister is refusing to join them ,is turning up at the funeral and not even attending the wake. I’m torn , do we join in , turn up , we have every right to be there….or leave them to it and just get to the funeral by ourselves ?