Still can’t believe that I find myself here...

Hello. This is my first post but I will try to keep it short. I lost my mum 9 weeks ago on 15 November. She wasn’t poorly, there was no warning - she went to bed at 11pm and died at 2am. The post mortem showed that she had suffered a ruptured abdominal aortic aneurism and we were told that it would have been very quick and there wasn’t anything anyone could do. My dad was with her and tried desperately to save her. I got there just after the ambulance arrived but I was just too late. Not that I could have done anything bar save my dad the pain of being alone in such an awful situation.
I don’t know how we will ever recover. I am trying to keep going for my three year old little boy who obviously has no real clue what has happened, for my husband and of course for my dad who is broken. Him and mum were married for 55 years. My loss is immeasurable so I can’t even imagine how he feels.
I miss my mum in each and every thing I do. We used to speak several times a day and I just don’t know what to do without her. My dad was diagnosed with cancer two months before we lost her - we were so focused on him and his treatment, the fact that mum has gone is just inconceivable.
Sorry, I am not doing a very good job of being brief. I have joined other bereavement pages and referred myself for some help from a local charity but am struggling generally to be around and in contact with people who just don’t get it. I am hoping to find some understanding and support here and of course to try and help others who are going through the same horrific grief and pain. I could never have imagined this…
Thank you for reading.

Welcome to this forum. You will find comfort here. It has been a lifesaver for me at times.
I lost my mum in similar circumstances in june. Mum suffered a massive bleed on the brain whilst at hospital undergoing a day op. She was coming home the following morning… there was no warning this could happen to her.she recently had some tests which revealed a blocked artery and she was having a procedure to unblock it.
She said to the doctor that she felt funny on her left hand side, fell unconscious and never woke again.
She was funny, active, only 74 and my best friend.
I am so lost without her and know that my life is over.
I work and look after my 12 year old daughter but I am never happy, rarely smile or laugh and have no interest in having a social life of going out
I must mum mord than I can say and have no idea how I will ever recover or begin to accept losing her.
I fully understand where you are coming from.
Cheryl x

Thanks for replying Cheryl - I really appreciate it though I am so very sorry to hear about your mum. The shock is just something else isn’t it. And then there is the pain. I honestly could never have imagined losing someone could hurt like this. People expect you to ‘get better’ and ‘get over it’ and I feel like I am surrounded by well meaning people who want to fix me. But I already know that I can never be fixed.
Thanks again for replying. It helps a little
to know I am not alone but I am so very sorry that so many others have to suffer in the same way xx

How awful I’m so sorry. You must all be in such shock. I dont know which is worse a sudden death or one you expect. My dad passed 27 years ago with a sudden very unexpected heart attack and my mum 6 months with terminal cancer 3 weeks after she was diagnosed. Like you my mum was at home with my dad when he died. Nothing she could do . I got there about 30 minutes later. That night will stay with me forever. I can still remember every detail. Losing my mum though has broken me. Your mum is the first person you know and there is that strong bond. Nothing can prepare you for losing your mum. For you also to lose your mum so suddenly without warning is heart breaking . It will truly break you. It’s a bleak cold place without them with us. I feel so lost and alone without mine as if my happy switch has gone off forever. Sending you love xxxx

Unfortunately I am in the same situation. My healthy dad smiled at my mom (her last memory of him) then she went to bed, he went to do some laundry and watch Tv. My mom found him in the morning, in his lounge chair, tv on. We struggled to make any sense of it.
I felt the same way as you. The dread, terror, and pain of grief has no measure. I wanted to hide away for months.
Its been 7 months now. It does improve but now I am wondering if the improvement is just the brain protecting itself by moving the pain to the background. I still think he is home or with my mom living his life - obviously he isn’t. You grieve and then you have to watch your parent grieve and suffer. Its really hard to bare but the worst does subside. Just breathe, if you can make it a minute, then you can get through an hour, then a day, then a week. At some point, colors start looking bright again. Its a journey. Please reach out and post if you need to do so. We are all here for each other.


You will deffo find lots of support and understanding people on here.

I too am in the same situation, my mum died very suddenly - I saw her the day before and she was fine, next day she was rushed into hospital and she never came home again. She was fine before this and only 54 when she died.
Like you, I used to speak to her several times a day and spend every weekend with her and my son, visiting places, days out etc and now I’m absolutely lost and broken.

You have said you want to be there for your dad etc and I can’t imagine his sadness and shock but do remember to take time out for yourself aswell, you have lost your best friend and the person who has been there your whole life, you are also grieving. There will always be someone one here who can listen and understand how you feel so please keep posting if it makes you feel better xxx