Still feeling lost

Still feel so lost and broken. I lost my gorgeous fantastic wife sue to pancreatic cancer which had spread to her lungs and liver on the first of February this year. Days seem to getting worse than ever now .just can’t stop crying at times .its hit me more than ever now especially as 19th of this month is sues birthday.knowing that i cant give her a cuddle and take sue out for a meal and away for a few days ever again it hurts so much

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@Martyn2
I am so sorry, Wish I could say something positive. At least you are letting your grief come out and not bottling it up.
It’s hard knowing that Sue’s birthday is so near and she won’t be with you. I had my birthday in January and it was the first time in 45 years that I didn’t get a card from my Ron. Think I went numb again that day.
We all have to face the first times without our beloved , it is so difficult and painful. I think the special dates in our lives will always hurt.
Sending love to you and a hug xxx

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Thank you so much .means a lot to me x

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You know what i hate that ive gotta live by myself now ! Hate that !!! Its so crap ! First time in 37 years ive lived by myself ! No wonder im struggling … i dont think i will get married again or have another relationship … i think im done :frowning: what a lovely thought that i will never be able to love someone again … its too sad … its too sad that person i loved is no longer here … :cry:

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Made a decision today that I don’t want anyone else .the only person I really love is my gorgeous fantastic wife sue now and forever more xx

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I am so sorry @Martyn2. My husband’s birthday was today and I cried so much yesterday in anticipation of the day. The pain is horrendous, I know. I wish I could offer some comfort but it’s just something we all have to get through. Will you be able to spend it with supportive family or friends? Big cuddle to you. Jean.

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I’m like you @Deb5. Living alone for the first time in 37 years and I HATE it. I’ve never been a loner and always liked people around me. I’m lucky in that I have a large family whom I can visit whenever I like and they visit me often. I most certainly won’t be wanting another bloke in my life! The thought is unbearable. It was always David from the day I met him when I was 16 and will be until I die. Love and strength to you. Jean.

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My daughter and stepson and friends are taking me out for a meal on sues birthday .hugs xx

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@Deb5
Yes, I have never lived on my own either so it is a big shock and like you, I don’t like it.
Every day is lonely and even now after five months I sometimes think that he will come back and there has been a mistake. I know he won’t but I sometimes find it hard to accept.
The worst thing is when something goes wrong. I just can’t cope and am close to tears all of the time. Asking for help is hard as it suddenly brings everything back again, all I want is my old life back.
I am slowly moving forward but like you, I would never consider anyone else. My Ron was so lovely and so very special to me that no one will ever take his place.
I have friends and sisters so feel blessed. I will have to make a new life on my own as much as I wish I didn’t have to.
Take care xxx

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@Martyn2
I do hope it all goes well for you. Xx

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Yep im 4 months on for me and its killing me not seeing him. My husband used to support me a lot and did a lot of the household chores and i find it so hard to do stuff without him :broken_heart: my family have not been supportive so you are very lucky :broken_heart:

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@Deb5
I suppose I am lucky and I know I should be grateful but I can’t seem to feel it somehow.
I am sorry you don’t have support, it must be so hard for you.
My husband, like yours, was my rock. I relied on himso much and him not being here anymore is killing me.
I tried so hard to to do the garden this afternoon, to keep it up to his standard and feel I have failed. He did everything for me and I so wanted to make him proud by doing his garden.
Why is life so cruel, why do all of the good people go way too early.
Xx

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Yeh thats what i said … why do the ones go when there are so many wicked people still alive :frowning: i do have some support but my kids have been a right pain and continue to be … luckily my mum understands how hard it is for me so at least i have that xx

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@Deb5
Am pleased you have your mum. We all need someone. At least we have each other on this site. Am so grateful for being able to talk to everyone hete wbo understands xx

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I totally understand. I ost my husband of 53 years. with Easter coming and his birthday ctwo days after Easter I don’t know how I’ll handle it. I’ll pray that both of us find some sort of peace. I do have faith that God will help us recover

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You have just echoed my exact thoughts if i was to have another relationship(and im not looking)it would feel like a betrayal

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I too lost my husband to pancreatic cancer - it’s such a cruel disease. It’s been four months now and I’m feeling worse instead of better. I have a lot of support from my family but at the end of the day I still feel so alone. We had been together for 47 years since I was 16 and it doesn’t seem possible that he’s gone forever. I hope we can all build some kind of life without them but at the moment it seems impossible.

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Totally agree with you thats is a cruel awful disease.sue passed away on the first of February this year.realy feel so lost

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Youre lucky you have support from family ! Mine hsve been pathetic ! They just all ran away from the fact i was heartbroken !! I spoke to a counsellor who said it was avoidance but they all at it :frowning: my mum been good and my youngest daughter been ok. I know peoole dealing with their own grief but how do think i feel when it was my husband!! i just like you 4 months and been married 35 years ! So hard without them isnt it. Miss my husband every day and i feel like i not really got much of a life either … its very scary without them. He was my rock and my protector xx

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