Still fighting my grief

Losing a parent
1

Hi, im new to the community, my grief is not as new and raw as so many of you. I send blessings to all that are going through such losses. Its hard and complicated and overwhelming. Those are a few words i use to describe it. My beautiful mum passed 8 years ago in april. She was my rock, my best friend. She brought me and my older brother up by herself and was a warrior. Her passing was sudden and out of left field if im honest. We did not see it coming. I was never the same after mum died. I feel like i lost part of myself, but i had to carry on as i had my then 5 year old to take care of and help through her grief at losing her nana. We lived with my mum so my daughter was extremely close to my mum also. Then we roll forward 7 years later and my aunty -mums sister then suddenly passes away, again someone very close to me and then someone who was like a father figure passes 6 months later after my aunt. With the 2 recent passings of my loved ones i decided to put it in a box as the thought of dealing with that kind of pain again was just too much to bare. Then just before easter our beloved cat of 18 years had to be put to sleep. It was his time to go and be with my mum, i know she would have been waiting… This i know sounds ridiculous to even write but it was this that threw the box of hidden grief wide open and now i feel the sadness and longing to be with my loved ones just to have 1 last hug and chat. I try and be happy around my family as my daughter is now 13 and she has seen my grief too much. But inside my heart hurts. I miss my mum so much and long to see her and speak with her and my other loved ones. I fee lost and i carry my grief like a fraud, i know people would say you should be over your mums passing by now but i say no
You never get over a loss of a loved one, you just learn to live differently without them. Anyway i just wanted to reach out and hay hello and hope im not the only one still struggling even though years have passed.

5 Likes
2

Hello AnnieC23,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,
Alex

1 Like
3

Hi AnnieC23,

I’m so sorry to hear about your losses, it’s an awful lot to cope with regardless of how long ago you lost your mum. Nobody should tell you that there is a time limit on grief, because there certainly isn’t and the fact that you are still so devastated about your mum 8 years later is testament to how much you love and miss her.

I lost my mum just over 9 weeks ago and am completely broken. I know I will never ‘get over’ her or ever be the same again so I completely understand what you are saying. I also lived with my mum and we did everything together, the loss feels unbearable and I miss her more with every day that passes. I also lost my dad in January 2021 and that also still feels horribly raw to me and I miss him terribly too.

I understand what you are saying about your cat too. Me and my mum had an 18 year old cat that we had to have put to sleep a while ago in 2018 and we were both heartbroken. I am also pleased that my mum will be reunited with her as I know she had been missing her. I think things like that can bring us some comfort in our grief and I for one am willing to take all the comfort I can at the moment.

I have found this community to be so supportive as the people on here have all suffered losses and understand how you are feeling. Please continue to post any time, there is always someone here to listen x

2 Likes
4

Hi Annie,

I feel you. I lost my precious Mum 3 months ago and not a day goes by that I don´t think of her. We were best friends too, it is the painful price we pay to love someone so much. I am sending you a lot of strength and positivity from afar. Please know you´re not alone and have every right to feel how you do. I am so sorry for your losses. I am quite young so don´t yet have children, but I hope to find ways of connecting to that special relationship with my future children. Maybe you could do something to honour your loved ones with your daughter? Maybe a trip to their favourite place or something they always wanted to do but never did. I have no doubt this pain will never go, something I absolutely dread because this feels like pure hell. It is not ridiculous at all. Our pets are after all our family too, they´re just another soul like us. We may just communicate differently. You´re incredibly brave and strong as I know too well just everyday life is so incredibly hard. I hope you can find hope somewhere, I myself am quite spiritual and like to think they will never leave us. They´re all with you, they´re rooting for you and they want you to live the best life and they will always be part of you. I wish you all the best x

2 Likes
5

Thank you so much for your message. Im so sorry for your losses too. I found that just taking one day at a time helped me through the early days. Keeping busy with things helped too. The brain being focussed on other things helps the heart from hurting more. X thank you again for reaching out to me. It means alot to hear from others who understand.

6

What lovely sentiments. Thank you. I beleive they are with us too. I think i fond comfort in that thought. X