Still grieving after 2 years

Just wanted to ask for advice. My mother passed away in February 2015 after a long spell in hospital following a stroke. She was 84. She had been suffereing from dementia, and I had been helping my elderly father care for her. I am 45.

At the time I held everything together, remaining stoic and stiff upper lipped, but now I break down every day. My father is ill, and I cannot even begin to contemplate how I will deal with things when at some point the inevitable happens.

Is it normal to still feel like this after two years?

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Hello R,

Welcome to the Sue Ryder Online Community. I’m so sorry to hear that your mother has passed away and your father is ill. There is no timeline on grief, and no set amount of time when you would expect to feel better.

However, some research that we did at Sue Ryder suggests that it takes an average of more than two years, so this shows that it is still quite normal to find things tough at this stage. The same research shows that bottling up feelings can increase the amount of time that you grieve for, so perhaps you are now feeling the effects of that earlier stoicism?

I’m glad that you’ve found this site, and I hope that you find it a good outlet for your feelings. We have lots of other users here who have lost a parent and will understand some of what you are feeling. Hopefully you will get some supportive replies soon, but while you wait, you may find it helpful to read and reply to some conversations between others who have lost parents, for example:

https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/i-still-miss-my-mum
https://support.sueryder.org/community/coping-death-loved-one/cant-believe-mums-gone

If there is anything I can help with, or you have any questions about this site, don’t hesitate to drop me a private message or email me on online.community@sueryder.org

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