I haven’t been online now for a week but I am no better. Still can’t cope without my darling husband and no better than when he died over two weeks ago. I still can’t do anything and I just sit here talking to him as if he is here. In a way he is because he is in my heart. I even see him sitting in his chair and I talk with him. This can’t be right can it. I am just so sad lonely. I just need to know if it will get better. Mail still gets delivered for him and it hurts so much. Love and best wishes to you all. Carol
I am so sorry for you loss. Losing your husband is still so rare and new for you, you will be feeling very sad, exhausted.
Talking to him and longing for him is a normal reaction.
I still talk to my husband 13 months on, when I’m gardening his favourite place, when I go to bed every night to his photo which is next to our bed and sometimes when I’m watching TV and comment on a programme.
My husband had his favourite chair in the living room too and no body would sit in it, not until a few weeks ago when I changed the room around, now they love sitting in it remember what a great husband, dad and grandad he was.
You need to be kind to yourself and give yourself time, it will get easier, but will take time.
You will occasionally forget and go to say something to him, that is normal too.
Love and best wishes to you. Debbie X
Sorry should say raw not rare.
Thank you so much for your lovely reply. You understand how I feel so well. Nothing is getting easier to bear and I can’t even plan his funeral because he died in hospital and they cannot decide what to do next as the post mortem does not seem to show why he died. I am so frightened that something caused his death that could have been prevented. We we
ere together for over 50 years and I can’t see how I can live without being with him. Thanks again for understanding. Carol
I truely understand your pain and so very sorry for your loss. I lost my husband 19months ago very suddenly and I still feel in a daze most days but it does get gently managable. The one thing I didn’t expect was that grief can hit you in so many different ways.
You could also be in shock, it’s good advice to be kind to yourself, it can be exhausting. Realigning your future is daunting but you can do this. I still chat to my husband on a daily basis, I miss chatting about the trivia of the day.
The loss of a partner is crushingly painful but it also confirms the love between you.
Take care xx
It must be so difficult for you not to be able to start the funeral arrangements, I can fully understand why you are struggling as you have no answers. Please don’t torture yourself for something that is totally out of your control.
You have been together a long time this is never going to be easy.
I will pray you will get the answers you are so desperately seeking quickly and can begin to start moving forward.
Love Debbie X
Thank you for your beautiful words. I am sorry for your loss also. Half of me has gone and I just feel lost and lonely but I do get comfort from messages I receive from caring people like you on this site. It does help to talk with you and others on this site who understand. Love Carol xxx
My dear @Carol21, I am sending you a big virtual hug. You are so recently bereaved it is entirely normal to feel as you do. All if us here will recognise where you are. Many of us feel the same, after weeks and months. The mail will stop in time, face opening stuff when you can - there is no hurry. Try to be gentle on yourself, my friend. There is no quick fix or short cut to feeling better or normal - because we loved our partners so much, so deeply for so long, it takes time to grieve their loss. Talking to your husband is absolutely fine and right. We all do this here. Last night I was talking to T and first thing on waking up, too. It’s a sign for him if he passes by, that I have not forgotten him or stopped loving him. I just love him a whole lot more now. So go easy on yourself, Carol and breathe, pause, hold tight. We are all with you here xx
Dear Vancouver. Thank you for another wonderful message. I woke up a little while ago dreading another awful lonely day but your message has given me some hope for the day ahead. I just heard yesterday that the Coroner has not found yet what caused Geoff to die so until that is resolved I cannot plan the funeral. It is just dragging time and I do need everything to be resolved. Anyway my love and thanks again for your kindness. Love Carol
oh my friend - I did not know the Coroner was involved - this is really, really tough for you. I completely get that you want things resolved as soon as possible. You may feel in no-man’s land there and that is a difficult place. Please know your friends here are with you. We go together into another day, holding each other up, covering each other’s backs. We are with you x
Hello again. I didn’t know about the coroner until yesterday and I don’t really understand what happened. It seems that Geoff was well and waiting for discharge and then collapsed and passed away soon after. They don’t seem to know at the hospital. The hospital doesn’t know why he passed away. I think it is all going to drag on for ages and I just want him to be in peace and not undergoing other things
Love from Carol
So very, very sorry for what you’re going through Carol, I hope this time passes quickly for you.
I am sure Geoff will already be at peace, his spirit will always be with you.
I also totally understand you saying that half of you has gone. That is how it feels, losing a husband, life partner, soul mate of many years.
You will be ok Carol, you will find the strength to carry on, difficult as it is.
We all totally understand your sadness and heartbreak. I hope everything is sorted with the coroner as quickly as it can be, although I know that these things often drag on inexplicably…it will pass though.
Be kind and gentle with yourself, look after yourself, the days pass an hour at a time.
Keep posting on this site to people who truly “get it”
Dear Janey thank you so much for your very kind message. It has helped me to hear from you. I appreciate the kindness I have been shown by you all. I am upset as it seems the coroner is concerned about what has happened. The ward was about to discharge Geoff as all was well and I don’t yet know what suddenly happened. Thank you again. It is so helpful to me when I hear from very kind people like you. Best Wishes
Gosh I SO get how you’re feeling . Mine died not quite 3 months ago and I’ll be ok but then I’ll wake up and the place is so quiet . I kiss his photo every morning and night . And because he passed so quickly from a sudden heart attack there’s so many things I wasn’t able to say like if he’d had an illness . It was so sudden . But 2 weeks is nothing so Ofcourse you’ll feel like this . Let’s just hope it gets easier to bear . Sending love .
Hello @Louise12 - welcome to the Sue Ryder forum - you will find many friends here who understand. My husband T died on Jan 24 - in his case from a gruelling year with cancer, so at least we could sort of prepare. To lose someone suddenly must be so tough - all those things you think you didn’t say. Let’s hope it gets easier to bear as you say - I am hoping so and holding on to that - not to just move on and forget T, but rather to be able to live day to day with happy memories, not just searing grief. Sending hugs from here,
Bless you and thankyou . yes your husband was a few days after mine . I’m so sorry . Life really sucks sometimes . At least you had the time to prepare as you said . But it’s still massively tough . Sending much love to you xx
Hi I lost my mum 13 mths ago the pain does ease she went into hospital with a bad water infection and got worse her kidneys stopped working we couldn’t go and see her because of covid but managed to talk to her till she was so frail she couldn’t talk we spent the day with her a day b4 she passed I miss her so much I talk to her everyday and say I love her sending you lots of love xxx
Thank you for your message. You do really understand how I feel. We were together for 52 years and now I don’t know how to live on my own I just sit near his chair all the time and cry .I don’t know how to move on without him. It really helps me to receive messages like yours . Thanks again. Love from Carol
Hi Carol , My mum lost my dad to a sudden heart attack ( much like my husband ) after 43 years together and having lost a child together too too who was severely handicapped ) but after about a year she said she started to feel a bit better . The first year is the hardest I think . And for you it’s only been weeks so it’s totally natural you feel as you do . Xxx
That’s very sweet and also sad , Thankyou for your kind message .